"Oh I didn't mean it that way."
"Please don't get offended, but ..."
"But you took it the wrong way ..."
"You shouldn't be offended by that."
etc
To me, it's the offendee who gets to decide, not the offender. To be clear, I'm rarely offended by what someone says on here or in life, although it has happened. But what I see is folks deciding for the other person, the person they offend. Who are you to decide that your words aren't offensive to somebody else? It that person says, "I'm offended." then they're offended. You can't just tell them they're not, and suddenly expect them to believe you. The human to human relationship ain't that easy. Sorry.
Thoughts?
The mind and body (physiologically), when faced with an perceived attack (unconsciously) physically goes on the defensive (flight/fright/freeze response). The perceived danger (the brain can't tell the difference) makes people speak and/or act in a way they take offense.
What therapist teach (and what religious can do even) is be mindful that when they have these physiological reactions in defense they don't have to flight (avoid the conversation), they don't have to fight (make an insult), and don't have to freeze (say put one on ignore). They can be aware of their own reactions, take a breathe, and just respond in a civil way regardless the tone of the other person.
So it's not the body/mind's fault (it is not our fault and it is not the other person's fault) it/one takes offense and becomes offensive. There's no blaming unless people consciously and intentionally make insults as a means to "get others back" or prove their point by discrediting others (and other logical fallacies and tactics).
I feel it's best not to say--in general--"but I'm not one of them" and more so "I am one of them 'and' I choose to act otherwise when I'm mindful of my reactions."
The first statement sounds more of an ego thing when I think in online conversations. In general we recognize if our offense (whether acknowledged or not) is actual a real threat, acknowledge our physiological reactions to the perceived threat (if so be), accept it, and respond without "letting other people's actions define our character."
Cliff notes:
There's nothing wrong with taking offense... taking offense or realizing your mind/body has been challenged by a perceived threat is natural (the brain can't tell the difference between actual and perceived threats). It's what you DO that matters once you're mindful of it. You can freeze-ignore, you can flight-leave the conversation, you can fight-insult, or just not let it change your character and respond as you normally would regardless the other person's tone.
Taking offense can take many forms... some more healthier than others, but nothing wrong with it in and of itself. The brain doesn't differentiate like that but the mind tries to moralize what the brain does not.