Which Would Be More Painful?

[Debater Slayer]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

 

[Stevicus]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

I suppose it could be comparable to a terminally-ill, suffering patient. It's obviously painful, but then again, when they finally pass on, the common perception is that they would be at peace, which might lessen the pain for mourners and loved ones. But not always, I guess. It's a tough situation all the way around.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

Not being with them, whether they suffered from mental or physical anguish, knowing that I and everyone else failed them, is excruciating, and I speak from experience.

That said, it was never about me or my pain. It was about them and theirs.

ETA: There is nothing to indicate that mental anguish at some point, won't pass. New encounters and new people bring about a myriad of new possibilities.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

I am grateful that Linn continues to remain with me, even though I am in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons no one can resolve and for which professionals haven't been able to help much (I have a continual severe headache, typically 7 to 8 on a 10-point scale, with rare easings to 5 or 6, and occasional jolts of 9 or 10; in addition to memory, attention and other cognitive deficits. This has been going on for about 7 years...).

On the good side, my personality has largely settled into a pretty easy-going and positive state...I imagine I'd be pretty difficult to be around if I hadn't...

 

[Secret Chief]

I am grateful that Linn continues to remain with me, even though I am in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons no one can resolve and for which professionals haven't been able to help much (I have a continual severe headache, typically 7 to 8 on a 10-point scale, with rare easings to 5 or 6, and occasional jolts of 9 or 10; in addition to memory, attention and other cognitive deficits. This has been going on for about 7 years...).

On the good side, my personality has largely settled into a pretty easy-going and positive state...I imagine I'd be pretty difficult to be around if I hadn't...

Dear gods, continual severe headache and an easy-going positive state!? Major kudos.

 

[Secret Chief]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

We're in this together.

 

[ChristineM]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

My brother in law has severe paranoid schizophrenia so i can answer this, at least partly, from personal knowledge.

Yes it is extremely painful, worrying and stressful knowing what he has to go through every day of his life.

Being without him is unthinkable.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

Suppose you knew that someone you deeply cared about was in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons you couldn't resolve and with which professionals also hadn't been able to help them much. Would it be more painful for you to know they were in that situation or to no longer be with them, and why?

It may be hard to give a cut-and-dry answer.
If their mental anguish was being harmful to you to the point that you could Not cope............
Or, sometimes one would have to put a limit on exposure as to being helpful but still be there for that person.
Even at times if one has to step back for a while one can always be consistent with cards having encouraging words.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

My brother in law has severe paranoid schizophrenia so i can answer this, at least partly, from personal knowledge.
Yes it is extremely painful, worrying and stressful knowing what he has to go through every day of his life.
Being without him is unthinkable.

" Ditto" the ^ above ^ because I had a schizophrenic aunt that I had to drive 100 miles to visit.
She moved close to the beach because the sound of the ocean waves were therapeutic for her .
For me, the reunion hope is that on Resurrection Day she will be sound in health both in body and mind.
I like the one definition of H.O.P.E.
H old
O n
P ain
E nds

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Dear gods, continual severe headache and an easy-going positive state!? Major kudos.

I'm convinced it's because after every few minutes I forget everything that's going on...kind of a soft reboot...if I get upset, or whatever, just wait a few minutes...

EDIT: I suspect that if she wasn't so understanding and good-natured herself, or that if I had locked into my old mostly-depressed self, things would be much different...

 

[idea]

I went through a dark night of the soul, midlife crisis/awakening, isolated myself. No time for therapy, juggling too much, just time to rescue kids, protect kids, went into military mode. (Abuse by church - entire congregation turned against me, I won. He is jail for life, no probation. The congregation is not able to contact kids)

Now I'm in a better place. Some dark nights end. New beliefs, new community, new life.

eta: The time if isolation, being on my own, old friends /family turned enemies, victim-blaming, protecting pedophile. Losing community taught me self-reliance. There is security and peace after finding the strength of your own two feet. From looking to others for help, to helping myself

 

[Debater Slayer]

Not being with them, whether they suffered from mental or physical anguish, knowing that I and everyone else failed them, is excruciating, and I speak from experience.

That said, it was never about me or my pain. It was about them and theirs.

ETA: There is nothing to indicate that mental anguish at some point, won't pass. New encounters and new people bring about a myriad of new possibilities.

Very thoughtful post. Thanks. I'm sorry you went through that, and I appreciate that you've shared your insight here.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I am grateful that Linn continues to remain with me, even though I am in severe, continual mental anguish for reasons no one can resolve and for which professionals haven't been able to help much (I have a continual severe headache, typically 7 to 8 on a 10-point scale, with rare easings to 5 or 6, and occasional jolts of 9 or 10; in addition to memory, attention and other cognitive deficits. This has been going on for about 7 years...).

On the good side, my personality has largely settled into a pretty easy-going and positive state...I imagine I'd be pretty difficult to be around if I hadn't...

I'm glad you're coping so positively. That's admirable.

 

[Debater Slayer]

My brother in law has severe paranoid schizophrenia so i can answer this, at least partly, from personal knowledge.

Yes it is extremely painful, worrying and stressful knowing what he has to go through every day of his life.

Being without him is unthinkable.

I'm happy for both of you that you have each other.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I went through a dark night of the soul, midlife crisis/awakening, isolated myself. No time for therapy, juggling too much, just time to rescue kids, protect kids, went into military mode. (Abuse by church - entire congregation turned against me, I won. He is jail for life, no probation. The congregation is not able to contact kids)

Now I'm in a better place. Some dark nights end. New beliefs, new community, new life.

eta: The time if isolation, being on my own, old friends /family turned enemies, victim-blaming, protecting pedophile. Losing community taught me self-reliance. There is security and peace after finding the strength of your own two feet. From looking to others for help, to helping myself

It's good to know that you're in a better place now. Nobody deserves to go through anything like what you described.