Misunderstood
Active Member
This is not a joke, but a story I felt was pretty funny when it came out when I was younger.
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What is the funniest joke you know?
- Thread starter GodInUs
- Start date
This is not a joke, but a story I felt was pretty funny when it came out when I was younger.
Misunderstood
Active Member
This is an old joke I head a long time ago, just remembered it. Its a bit sad, and sadist, but I always thought it was funny.
A traveling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him.
"Excuse me sir, but why does your pig only have one leg?" asked the salesman.
"Well sonny , I'll tell ya. One day I was out plowing the back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did."
"Wow, that's really amazing", said the salesman, "but I still don't know why the pig only has one leg."
"Well I'll tell ya," said the farmer. "One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3 am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!"
"Well that's really great but why does the pig only have one leg?"
The farmer continues with his stories, "Well I was out fishing for catfish and caught a monster, I did. While I was pulling him into the boat, it rolled over, seein's I can't swim I just about drown, I did. Well that pig came a runnin' and pulled me to shore along with that catfish. Saved my life that pig did. Saved dinner too."
The salesman is getting upset by now and in exasperation says, "I just want to know why the pig only has one leg."
"Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at once!"
A traveling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him.
"Excuse me sir, but why does your pig only have one leg?" asked the salesman.
"Well sonny , I'll tell ya. One day I was out plowing the back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did."
"Wow, that's really amazing", said the salesman, "but I still don't know why the pig only has one leg."
"Well I'll tell ya," said the farmer. "One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3 am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!"
"Well that's really great but why does the pig only have one leg?"
The farmer continues with his stories, "Well I was out fishing for catfish and caught a monster, I did. While I was pulling him into the boat, it rolled over, seein's I can't swim I just about drown, I did. Well that pig came a runnin' and pulled me to shore along with that catfish. Saved my life that pig did. Saved dinner too."
The salesman is getting upset by now and in exasperation says, "I just want to know why the pig only has one leg."
"Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at once!"
Altfish
Veteran Member
In a similar vein....
Wife takes husband who is deaf and slightly senile to see the doctor.
After examining the husband the doctor says, "I need to do some tests, I need a sample of your urine, faeces, sperm and blood"
"What did he say, darling" asks the husband.
"He said he needs a pair of your underpants" she replied.
Thief
Rogue Theologian
I nominate..... @Revoltingest
Thief
Rogue Theologian
so a guy shows up at the Pearly Gates
carrying two bags that were obviously heavy
Peter says...oh no
We don't allow baggage in here
It's ok.....I know your Boss
go ask Him
it's all good
Peter doubts ....but goes inside to ask
when he returns he says
Ok....but I'm suppose to look in the bags to be sure
and taking a look...Peter steps back and waves the guy on through
an angel was watching all of this going on and wants to know....
What's up with that?
and Peter says.....Yeah, I don't get it either
Why would anyone bring their own paving bricks?
carrying two bags that were obviously heavy
Peter says...oh no
We don't allow baggage in here
It's ok.....I know your Boss
go ask Him
it's all good
Peter doubts ....but goes inside to ask
when he returns he says
Ok....but I'm suppose to look in the bags to be sure
and taking a look...Peter steps back and waves the guy on through
an angel was watching all of this going on and wants to know....
What's up with that?
and Peter says.....Yeah, I don't get it either
Why would anyone bring their own paving bricks?
Thief
Rogue Theologian
yeah....he's still wrong
but at least he won't have to hear about it
Ive posted this one elsewhere but i think it deserves more air time @Revoltingest will love it...
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing is wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?"
The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing is wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?"
The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
Thief
Rogue Theologian
ok.....that was good...but....
the mother apparently didn't have a brain
the kid must have taken after the father
sorry....it was there
This one was inspired by
So the devil walks into a bar
The devil walks into a bar, the drinkers realise who he is and scatter leaving upturned tables and spilled drinks behind them.
In the almost empty bar, the devil sees one little old lady sitting in a corner and quietly sipping a ginger beer with a double shot of brandy in it.
The devil walk across the empty bar and sits across the table to the old lady, "don't you realise who I am?" he asked
"Sure do" said the old lady
The devil asks "and you are not scared of me, why not?"
The little old lady replies "i've been married to your evil brother for over 50 years, why should i be scared of you?"
So the devil walks into a bar
The devil walks into a bar, the drinkers realise who he is and scatter leaving upturned tables and spilled drinks behind them.
In the almost empty bar, the devil sees one little old lady sitting in a corner and quietly sipping a ginger beer with a double shot of brandy in it.
The devil walk across the empty bar and sits across the table to the old lady, "don't you realise who I am?" he asked
"Sure do" said the old lady
The devil asks "and you are not scared of me, why not?"
The little old lady replies "i've been married to your evil brother for over 50 years, why should i be scared of you?"
The mother certainly didnt have a penis ;-)
Ouch!
lostwanderingsoul
Well-Known Member
I get my biggest laughs when I look in the mirror.
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread. On the way out, she says, "If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer husband checks for eggs at the grocery store, and there are some, so he returns with twelve loaves of bread.
