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What is the funniest joke you know?
- Thread starter GodInUs
- Start date
***Mod thread moved to games & jokes***
A couple talks to their doctor about the husband's debilitating and seemingly terminal condition and after a checkup, he asks the husband to step out to talk to the wife and he said:
"Your husband will be ok if you feed him three meals a day and have sex every night".
As she is driving home with her husband, the husband asks, "What did the doctor say?"
She replied, "You are going to die!"
"Your husband will be ok if you feed him three meals a day and have sex every night".
As she is driving home with her husband, the husband asks, "What did the doctor say?"
She replied, "You are going to die!"
GodInUs
Member
Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by GodInUs, 12 minutes ago.
Brickjectivity, 9 minutes ago ***Mod thread moved to games & jokes***
True story. Back when I was seeing a psychiatrist for depression, I heard a joke I thought my psychiatrist might like, even though I thought, "He's probably heard this a hundred times before, but it will be a good way to show him my sense of humor is returning."
So the next session rolls around. He comes to get me from the waiting room....
Psychiatrist (while walking me back to his office): "How are you doing today?"
Me (as upbeat and cheerfully as possible): "The voices in my head all tell me I'm doing great!"
Honestly, that's the only time in my whole life I've told a joke that jerked a man to a full stop in mid-stride.
So the next session rolls around. He comes to get me from the waiting room....
Psychiatrist (while walking me back to his office): "How are you doing today?"
Me (as upbeat and cheerfully as possible): "The voices in my head all tell me I'm doing great!"
Honestly, that's the only time in my whole life I've told a joke that jerked a man to a full stop in mid-stride.
A priest & a rabbi are driving down the street.
After that it becomes the most offensive joke ever.
After that it becomes the most offensive joke ever.
Not how I heard it, but lets see if I can make it relevant...
3 guys were sitting in the back of a plane in flight. The Pope, Trump and a liberal hippie. Suddenly they hear an explosion and the pilot rushes back to the passenger area and says "I got some bad news", the plane's going down, there are only 3 parachutes and I'm taking one". To which the pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps out of the plane. Then Trump jumps up saying, "I am the smartest man in the country. America can not survive without me." So he grabs one and jumps out of the plane.
The Pope looks at the hippie and says "Take the last parachute my son, I'm at peace with God and ready to meet my maker". The hippie looks at the Pope and says, "Don't worry Father, we can both survive this since the smartest man in America just grabbed my knapsack and jumped out of the plane".
3 guys were sitting in the back of a plane in flight. The Pope, Trump and a liberal hippie. Suddenly they hear an explosion and the pilot rushes back to the passenger area and says "I got some bad news", the plane's going down, there are only 3 parachutes and I'm taking one". To which the pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps out of the plane. Then Trump jumps up saying, "I am the smartest man in the country. America can not survive without me." So he grabs one and jumps out of the plane.
The Pope looks at the hippie and says "Take the last parachute my son, I'm at peace with God and ready to meet my maker". The hippie looks at the Pope and says, "Don't worry Father, we can both survive this since the smartest man in America just grabbed my knapsack and jumped out of the plane".
This is a great joke for those old enuf & Ameristanian enuf.
What's the first thing you know?
What's the first thing you know?
Old Jed's a millionaire.
Last edited:
Geoff-Allen
Resident megalomaniac
How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a room full of emergency personnel to get it out.
Ew.
A politician drove his car to the garage
"I need a new 710 cap please"
The mechanic said "a what, never heard of them, what do they do"
The politician said i don't know, it goes on the engine but mine has gone missing"
"I really don't know what that is, could you draw it for me"
So the politician drew a circle and wrote 710 in the middle
"I need a new 710 cap please"
The mechanic said "a what, never heard of them, what do they do"
The politician said i don't know, it goes on the engine but mine has gone missing"
"I really don't know what that is, could you draw it for me"
So the politician drew a circle and wrote 710 in the middle
I'm a joke? My dear, you are confusing me with my penis.