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Unrelenting bitterness and anger

Discussion in 'Member Announcements' started by Ellen Brown, Sep 20, 2018.

  1. Ellen Brown

    Ellen Brown Well-Known Member
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    God does not promise us a happy, easy life, yet at times I fall into the delusion that everything is fair, there should not be pain. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, it is clear that inexplicably God or something had led me in ways inexplicable to me. At times because of unfathomable losses that I did not and still do not understand, and actually get angry about from time to time. The specific nature of my losses doesn't matter and I am quite sure that many have passed through losses as great or even far worse than mine.


    Things happen from time to time that cause a reexperiencing of the past, and I lose my bearings, and grace.

    I apologize for allowing that to color my relations with each of you.
     
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  2. Hockeycowboy

    Hockeycowboy Well-Known Member
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  3. Ellen Brown

    Ellen Brown Well-Known Member
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    Thank you.

    The Evangelicals rejected me, consigning me to hell. I never gave up on God, and decided to bear what I viewed as his punishment, and to further cement my contriteness and repentance, I adopted Islam, not because I accepted their views on Jesus Christ, but through the garb of modesty, and the devoutness of the Muslim prayer, I would perhaps demonstrate my full surrender to God in all ways. Oddly, while the rest of Christendom seemed to be rejecting and condemning, I encountered the Mormon, Sister Missionaries, they loved me and accepted me and helped me to keep being contrite and repentant. They encouraged when no one would, helping me to stop being suicidal. They convinced me to accept forgiveness, and to begin to learn faith and obedience to Him.

    I am thankful that God's ways are not our ways. Thank you for your patience with me.
     
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  4. Dawnofhope

    Dawnofhope Veteran Member
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    I don’t believe anyone can walk in the shoes of another and God alone knows what befalls us. Sometimes through our darkest days a breakdown can be a breakthrough. It is in those moments we can a glimpse of something new and see things as they really are. When even hope seems to fade, hold onto faith and in turning to Him know you are loved.
     
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  5. Misunderstood

    Misunderstood Active Member

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    Thank you, Ellen!!

    I love to hear stories of how someone has gone though hardships (not that I wish any hardship on anyone) here on earth and have held strong to God. I have often wondered how God could ever accept me after the things I have done. I am so ashamed and will carry them with me to the end as I am to ashamed to put them in words. It helps to know others have come to terms with their concerns.

    I have read the story of David many times but never thought much about it, it was just a story. But one day I was reading and came to the story on Uriah, Bathsheba and David. It seemed to finally sink in as I read it over and over, that David was a man after Gods own heart, even after this. I was able to see Gods grace for us and that he can forgive almost anything.

    I have come to love God as much as I can love, I know I don't have the capability to love as much as God can love us, but it is all I can muster. I know love is what God wants from us in everything we do. I know and understand that, and have come to understand that something that is not done in love is sin. I also understand that we are kept out of heaven not because of our sin, but our inability to love and putting ourselves before God and others.

    As much as I want to be with God in heaven, rather than bringing sin from here, I would prefer God send me to hell to keep heaven perfect. I do want to see Him there, but I know He will judge me fairly, and if I fall short I will accept it, as I would not want to cause any disharmony in heaven if God is not able to perfect me.

    I don't know if you have any children, I have one, a daughter of 22. I have raised her myself since she was 7, and could go on and on about her as I am so proud of her. But the reason I bring it up is, I love her so much and would do anything for her including my life. But as a baby what love can they show us; hardly any as they are just not capable. But, is all they need to do is hold your finger, look into yours eyes so intently, and say Da, Da. I feel I love her more than she loved me at that time. I would do anything including laying down my life for just that little bit of love she has given me. I know God has already done that and more for us. So even if my love is not as strong as His, His love for us is infinitely more.

    Thank you!
     
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  6. Kangaroo Feathers

    Kangaroo Feathers Yea, it is written in the Book of Cyril...

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    I feel for you, FWIW
     
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  7. nPeace

    nPeace Veteran Member

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    I love your sincere, honest expressions.
    For eight years old, that girl has great vocal control. It's good she uses her talent to sing praises.

    When God restores the earth to paradise, he wants you, Ellen, and all others to be there.
    What you did here...
    I have read the story of David many times [​IMG] but never thought much about it,[​IMG] it was just a story. But one day I was reading and came to the story on Uriah, Bathsheba and David. It seemed to finally sink in as I read it over and over, [​IMG] that David was a man after Gods own heart, even after this. I was able to see Gods grace for us and that he can forgive almost anything.
    ...is a fine demonstration of what will help us through.

    King David opened his songs with this very advice.
    He sang... (Psalms 1:1-3)
    [a]1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the wicked,
    Nor standeth in the way of sinners,
    Nor sitteth in the seat of scoffers:
    2 But his delight is in the law of Jehovah;

    And on his law doth he meditate day and night.
    3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the streams of water,
    That bringeth forth its fruit in its season,
    Whose leaf also doth not wither;
    And whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

    Footnotes:



      • Psalm 1:3 Or, in whatsoever he doeth he shall prosper
    The second thing you did, is demonstrate that you value the gift of life, which you see in your child - one of the greatest marvels of creation. No wonder King David was moved to sing... (Psalm 139:13-17)
    13For you produced my kidneys; You kept me screened off in my mother’s womb. 14I praise you because in an awe-inspiring way I am wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know this very well. 15My bones were not hidden from you When I was made in secret, When I was woven in the depths of the earth. 16Your eyes even saw me as an embryo; All its parts were written in your book Regarding the days when they were formed, Before any of them existed. 17So to me, how precious your thoughts are! O God, how vast is the sum of them!

    I too came to appreciate the unfathomable love of God, from reading about how God dealt with, and felt about David. I often think of David as one of those persons I would like to meet when Paradise is restored on earth. :)
     
  8. KenS

    KenS Face to face with my Father
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    Not a problem Ellen. He who is perfect cast the first stone... and Jesus didn't.

    I have often found that many people are angry because they believe that God authored the pain to "teach us something" or that "He wanted our loved ones in Heaven",

    Yet Jesus said "It is the thief that come to steal, kill and destroy but I have come to give life and that more abundantly".

    When the words of Jesus really sink in, their anger leaves because they begin to realize that we are in a war zone against Satan and sometime bad things brought by him happen to good people, God wasn't the author of it nor did He want it to happen.

    I hope this helps.
     
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  9. Hockeycowboy

    Hockeycowboy Well-Known Member
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    What a heartfelt and candid revelation.

    Jehovah appreciates our contrite heart:

    Psalms 51:17
    The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. You will not despise a broken and humbled heart, God.

    2 Kings 22:19
    because your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before the LORD when you heard what I spoke against this place and against its people, that they would become a desolation and a curse, and because you have torn your clothes and wept before Me, I have heard you,' declares the LORD.

    Psalm 34:18
    The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit.

    Psalm 147:3
    He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

    Isaiah 57:15
    For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in a high and holy place, and with the oppressed and humble of spirit, to restore the spirit of the lowly and revive the heart of the contrite.

    Hosea 14:2
    Bring your confessions and return to the LORD. Say to Him: "Take away all our iniquity and receive us graciously, that we may present the fruit of our lips.

    Joel 2:13
    So rend your hearts and not your garments, and return to the LORD your God. For He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in loving devotion. And He relents from sending disaster.

    Psalms 103:12-13, NWT
    "As far off as the sunrise is from the sunset, So far off from us he has put our transgressions. As a father shows mercy to his sons, Jehovah has shown mercy to those who fear him."


    I wish you all the best, my cousin!
     
  10. Ellen Brown

    Ellen Brown Well-Known Member
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