The Vogonity

[Brickjectivity]

I, Brick Vogon, do solemnly swear
to spell all words correctly,
obtain all forms through proper channels,
maintain a positive & upbeat attitude,
assist in the filling out of forms,
insure that ques are inviolate,
impede all hitchhikers and other scum.

 

[Revoltingest]

I quite like it. I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly effective.
And interesting rhythmic devices too, which seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the
underlying metaphor of the Brickjectivity.

Is that an airlock I hear opening?
Uh oh.

 

[Desert Snake]

:clap........

 

[Brickjectivity]

Tucked away in stowage, I
intrepid hiker multiply
until the ship with me infest
I am a tribble in duress

Oh no I'm not a sailor man
I've no pop eye or spinach can
until the ship with me infest
this troubled tribble in duress

and so I wait and so I withe
and prattle poetry and strive
to be some thing alive and then
I'm off to outer space again

 

[Brickjectivity]

A Vogon's Will -- by William Shapesphere

how my death has loved its prey
tasty morsel brain so grey
in its mourning I have lived
every shadow of life sieved

eggs for breakfast bacon fat
how you wonder where I'm at
every patch of pasty toast
was a part of my life's roast

finishing my spiteful toil
excess crap makes excess soil
no more rhymes now I mean it
anybody want a peanut

 

[Revoltingest]

A Vogon's Will -- by William Shapesphere

how my death has loved its prey
tasty morsel brain so grey
in its mourning I have lived
every shadow of life sieved

eggs for breakfast bacon fat
how you wonder where I'm at
every patch of pasty toast
was a part of my life's roast

finishing my spiteful toil
excess crap makes excess soil
no more rhymes now I mean it
anybody want a peanut

Nice touch to throw in a little Princess Bride at the end!

 

[Brickjectivity]

From now on anyone who reads a Vogon poem and leaves a comment about it is going to get a frubal from me. You may hold me to it! (Afterwards you will be ejected into space, but the frubal is nice.)

 

[Desert Snake]

Jim Carrey's ST battle in "The Cable Guy" is hilarious.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Wow Jim Carey! Did you ever see that scene with him and Jimmy Stewart? They were pretending to be each other, and then they pretended doubly that they were pretending then to be themselves. It was a real laugh.

 

[Desert Snake]

^Lol no, missed that. Funny

 

[Brickjectivity]

Why a Vogon is a Vogon

Crapping poetry from above
helps Vogons to remain unloved
heart beats paced but feeling stirs
prisoners marching prisoners

Some lion roars her poetry
yet she can't be Vogon to me
my expressway was her home
speed dialed on my Vogo Phone.

Lion hanging in my hall
happy thoughts thought I'd juiced them all
must we Vogons be so small
happy thoughts not Vogon at all.

Doth the snail become a slug
how did my heart create this drug
in this formless kingdom's sand
how doth love possess command?

Can scum transform from scum to sum
or turpentine to honeyed bum
dull pain more than dead end wine
sweeten the bitter over time?

 

[Brickjectivity]

Heart of Gold

Oh raimen addly bohemoth
oo fairly addled penny toss
contrived transmuter polygloss
oridnid now fullolygloss

by acid rainid greeneth trowel
I park parkay in buttered bowel
I parked par K o beautered pal
A barking J beyond and fowl

And linid fog per cross perfume
porjinid bret & frigid fume
a cross between accursed rune
a glossed wing a bossed coon

 

[Brickjectivity]

Upon Squishing a Bug

While trampling a beetle, I
did watch its features multiply
and then a spider and a fly
and so fulfilled by murder, I

turned round to point my nose towards home
and left behind a slimy foam
faint memory of what was gone
not caring what I'd trodden on

I've no sympathy not at all
not for myself nor for you all
because you are a bug to me
I am a bug to you you see

 

[oldbadger]

Tucked away in stowage, I
intrepid hiker multiply
until the ship with me infest
I am a tribble in duress

Oh no I'm not a sailor man
I've no pop eye or spinach can
until the ship with me infest
this troubled tribble in duress

and so I wait and so I withe
and prattle poetry and strive
to be some thing alive and then
I'm off to outer space again

Exposed! You are no Vogon!

Wiki:- Vogons are described as mindlessly bureaucratic, aggressive, having "as much sex appeal as a road accident" and the writers of "the third worst poetry in the universe".

See? The poetry's too good! Don't know about the other things.........

 

[Brickjectivity]

You shall be ejected into space with your frubal.

 

[Valjean]

I, Brick Vogon, do solemnly swear
to spell all words correctly,
obtain all forms through proper channels,
maintain a positive & upbeat attitude,
assist in the filling out of forms,
insure that ques are inviolate,
impede all hitchhikers and other scum.

You misspelled "queues."

 

[savagewind]

From now on anyone who reads a Vogon poem and leaves a comment about it is going to get a frubal from me. You may hold me to it! (Afterwards you will be ejected into space, but the frubal is nice.)

Hitchhikers are scum? Or as they say, "are hitchhikers really scum according to you?"

I am not now or recently a hitchhiker, but I was. Is not owning a car a bad thing? If I was a hitchhiker but not any more, am I still scum?

 

[oldbadger]

You shall be ejected into space with your frubal.

Oh God!
My last screams will not be heard,
In space, no one will hear a word....

Stop it! This cannot go on........
they can throw us off this site for rubbish verses,
or was it something to do with dreadful curses?

I'm leaving immediately before I expose myself (!)
too late, too late.... I'm a Red Dwarf synthetic Gelf!

 

[Brickjectivity]

Injected Into Space

you shall be cubed
by me and rube'd
yes, personnel'd
business shell'd

you shall conform
unto my norm
be my servant
all observant

cooing in love
caged is my dove
grateful to be
employed by me

 

[Brickjectivity]

Once a magic flying shark
ate some dust balls in a park
it made her stomach prickly
and so she rested in a tree

the lonely tree with no shoot
was feeling lost without fruit
so it adopted the shark
spliced her into its own bark

miracle to you or me
shark adopted by a tree
far from the ocean it swam
through air gentle as a lamb