The Vogonity

[apophenia]

Vogon Pride

riddling a pigeon -
squabbling
scoff the cooing darlings, then
breakfast fat transsubstantiates
into a perfect bureaucratic act, on the minute, to the second
intriplication !

oozing juices of mastication flowing uniformly and with precision
give form to my one intent

To Document !
To Verify !
To Authorise !
To Sanction and Condemn !

ah, the perfect obedience, engorged and wallowing, swallowing down its sputum, delicate morsel
rewarded by the sight of rupturing non-compliers, gases expanding their brain

boxes in the emptiness beyond the air-lock

in its prescribed and enforceable way,
the fart, carrying but a trifling of feces for bouquet - ornamental slime sublime
declares my rank
I stank according to the rules
and this is Vogon pride

 

[Brickjectivity]

Your poem is acceptable and will be read to the prisoners in the brig.

 

[apophenia]

Your poem is acceptable and will be read to the prisoners in the brig.

I am as proud as is appropriate according to the Guide To Vogon Pride, update 47QQ3AS.

 

[Brickjectivity]

deep in the plush carpet's lining
where dirt puffs twist in its twining
lives the roach son Ebeneezer
master of carpet bugs caesar

a very wise son of a son
deeds great and wondrous he has done
which I can tell you here in hell
is rare for one so low so fell

he rode Blake's tyger burning bright
e'en Robert Frost once felt its might
Walt Whitman's spider stood affeared
when Ebeneezer's loom appeared

He's eaten spineless Porphyry
dethroned Chaucer's prodigy
in all of time in all of space
he's placed his mark on every race

 

[Revoltingest]

Oh, burgle legged tick of mine.
Your distended crumfax oozes jern
like the pooje from sarns on a hot day.
The odor sends my gleek into paroxysms
of undulorfing agony, sprinkled with foon.
I implore you, raise your testbias
that I may hoorse them with blorry shlone.
See if I don't!

 

[Brickjectivity]

Death by poetry what a bore
if people need poems then
tell me what are jokes for
this poem is a joke spread thin

Its like calling a chicken a hen.
You understand what I mean
The poet just won't give in
though his joke isn't keen

You still don't see what I mean?
this poem is a difficult joke
a dirty joke trying to be clean
a velvet glove taking a poke

 

[Reptillian]

Vogon poetry, are my ears bleeding yet?

 

[Revoltingest]

Oh, reptillian sloor of bleeding ear parts,
Your crustick dorg smells of bingle worms.
And as you terkle your own smirns with glee,
I watch your sloof gooje therefrom.

 

[Reptillian]

Oh, reptillian sloor of bleeding ear parts

I'm not sure what a sloor is, but it must have something to do with this quote.

"Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!" - Gozer's Keymaster "Ghostbusters"

 

[Brickjectivity]

Almost Jabberwockian, Revoltingest.

 

[Revoltingest]

I'm not sure what a sloor is, but it must have something to do with this quote.

"Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!" - Gozer's Keymaster "Ghostbusters"

That is a fine piece of wordsmithery, but I did not reference it.
(I've always liked the name "Gozer". We Mrs Rev less conventional, our son might have been so named.)

 

[Brickjectivity]

Ok, here's my real, official reply to your poem, Vogon.

I bladderat your postscript people
I bladderat post mortem corpse
post its couldn't make better weevils
chocolate couldn't grow better worms
your thermos is my tea tree's steeple
you porchia is my hinged kaneevil
I keat your phalanx, freeze your ghosts
splice alligators on your goats
oh choculated stinted purge
you rusted sink of whirled turds
I'll swirl this fabricated dirge
ooh fabricated plastic purge

 

[Reptillian]

I've always liked the name "Gozer". We Mrs Rev less conventional, our son might have been so named.

Gozer is too much like Gomer for my liking...reminds me of this fellow:

[youtube]pWgjGbAuJP4[/youtube]
Gomer Pyle - Nobody Loves a Sergeant - YouTube

 

[Brickjectivity]

The Dork Lord

Three Rings for rock stars over the sky,
Seven for some lawyers in their halls of stone,
Nine for Metal Heads doomed to die,
One ring for the Dork Lord on his dorky throne
in the land of Moredork where the virgins cry
One Dork to fool them all, One Dork to blind them,
One Dork to fail them all and into dorkness bind them,
In the Land of Moredork where the virgins cry

 

[Willamena]

I, Brick Vogon, do solemnly swear
to spell all words correctly,
obtain all forms through proper channels,
maintain a positive & upbeat attitude,
assist in the filling out of forms,
insure that ques are inviolate,
impede all hitchhikers and other scum.

Uh-oh. It's "ensure," not insure.

 

[apophenia]

Uh-oh. It's "ensure," not insure.

No, it's Vogon policy to take out insurance against the possibility of misqueueing.

You failed to note both that, and the fact that queue is spelt queue.

This will be noted on your permanent record.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Killing the Mountain King

sticky glue I'd call it
a thing deep inside down
that everything sticks to
and oozes together

clumping it coats itself
rolls down to the valley
pools and stops forever
but it remains sticky

so why is it fastened
upon my heavy face
and keeping my head down
too much slowing my pace

is it lava or tears
pressed down through all the years
earth quakes deep under ground
great heat melting me down

 

[Brickjectivity]

Pretty Pretty Flower

you grew up through a crack
to be trampled upon
that was your destiny
but for you I'd break worlds

I will shatter concrete
with care exhume your life
plant you in my own soil
no one shall trample you

beautiful yet unseen
passed by and nearly crushed
I shall ruin this road
for daring to insult

 

[Brickjectivity]

Surfing on a Board

when you have no where
you can still be found
when life smacks you down
you can get back up

a Hawaiian boy
or perhaps a girl
invented this thing
now used all over

it is a poem
an analogy
of problem solving
a life abacus

 

[apophenia]

Surfing on a Board

when you have no where
you can still be found
when life smacks you down
you can get back up

a Hawaiian boy
or perhaps a girl
invented this thing
now used all over

it is a poem
an analogy
of problem solving
a life abacus

Are Vogons using rec drugs now ?

It's All Aboard !

You are now here

You find your still ... that's home made spirit !

life's max !

You down it...

You don't need backup.