Mustaphile
New Member
I think it would be hard for me to elaborate on all the things that led me to God. I'd been swinging from belief to non-belief for much of my life. One particular recurring theme for me in finding God was the 'truths' we believe that are actually lies. I've had a few moments in my life when I reflected on how much of my life was built on lies that I perceived to be truth. I was also surrounded by people who had the same problem. It's a terrible moment when you realise that nearly everyone is lying to you and you are lying to yourself. It's not that people are willfully lying. They believe it's the truth and I believed my own lies as truth. I started wondering to myself, "Who can I trust?".
Along with this experience came a realisation in my life of the importance of love as a life giving force in life. It dawned on my one day that I had never really understood what love was or what an important part of life love was. I had was just out of a ten year marriage and in contemplating my own role in the failure of the marriage, I came to know my ignorance of love and my role in letting the love that existed in my partner slowly wilt and die, through a lack of real love in return. The wisdom of the phrase that the most important thing is life is to love and be loved in return came to mind. So I had two basic questions at this time. Who can I trust? Who will I love and be loved in return by?
These two questions haunted me for some time as I wrestled with them and they came together eventually, in the conception of God as something outside of myself and outside of others as a source of trust. The statement I had often heard spoken, that God is love, came together with this conception of trust in God. I pondered the utility of this idea of God as a bastion of love and trust. This fusing of trust and love led to a conception of God within me, and I was awakened to the reality of God, as never before. It was an awakening to God in heart, mind and soul, so complete that it has become fundamental to my worldview. It was an inner conviction that the answers to these questions lay in trusting God and accepting God's love. Finding God in this way gave me great strength, in that there was never a complete loss of trust, nor a complete loss of love in my life anymore. Whereas beforehand the sources of trust and love in my life had been temporal, this source of God for my trust and love was eternal. From this point onwards I had an unshakeable foundation that has resisted all trials and suffering to follow. It's my continual source of strength and the wellspring from which my love flows to others. This is still only a small sample of what occured at one stage in my life. I have had numerous encounters with faith and God before I arrived at this point. It was during this period of time though, that it all solidified and became a concrete reality to me. I've often described my search for truth as grasping at something I thought was truth and watching it slip through my fingers like sand. This is my truth about God that remained in my grasp, and didn't disappear as quickly as I had wrapped my fingers about it.
How I got from there to christianity is whole different story.
Along with this experience came a realisation in my life of the importance of love as a life giving force in life. It dawned on my one day that I had never really understood what love was or what an important part of life love was. I had was just out of a ten year marriage and in contemplating my own role in the failure of the marriage, I came to know my ignorance of love and my role in letting the love that existed in my partner slowly wilt and die, through a lack of real love in return. The wisdom of the phrase that the most important thing is life is to love and be loved in return came to mind. So I had two basic questions at this time. Who can I trust? Who will I love and be loved in return by?
These two questions haunted me for some time as I wrestled with them and they came together eventually, in the conception of God as something outside of myself and outside of others as a source of trust. The statement I had often heard spoken, that God is love, came together with this conception of trust in God. I pondered the utility of this idea of God as a bastion of love and trust. This fusing of trust and love led to a conception of God within me, and I was awakened to the reality of God, as never before. It was an awakening to God in heart, mind and soul, so complete that it has become fundamental to my worldview. It was an inner conviction that the answers to these questions lay in trusting God and accepting God's love. Finding God in this way gave me great strength, in that there was never a complete loss of trust, nor a complete loss of love in my life anymore. Whereas beforehand the sources of trust and love in my life had been temporal, this source of God for my trust and love was eternal. From this point onwards I had an unshakeable foundation that has resisted all trials and suffering to follow. It's my continual source of strength and the wellspring from which my love flows to others. This is still only a small sample of what occured at one stage in my life. I have had numerous encounters with faith and God before I arrived at this point. It was during this period of time though, that it all solidified and became a concrete reality to me. I've often described my search for truth as grasping at something I thought was truth and watching it slip through my fingers like sand. This is my truth about God that remained in my grasp, and didn't disappear as quickly as I had wrapped my fingers about it.
How I got from there to christianity is whole different story.