• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

The benefits of an apology

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Life is grand. We all make mistakes. We inadvertently insult or injure. Sometimes it might even be intentional, God forbid, in a moment of weakness. So how does a sincere apology help to undo that? Or does it?

I know people who don't apologize for anything. Why is that? What does it say about a person if they hurt someone else in some way, but than simply cannot apologize?

What say you?

If this concept doesn't interest you, I'm sorry.
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
What is an apology? A way of appeasing your own conscience after some sort of transgression.

Personally i think apologies are meaningless from most people, if they transgress once they will do it again, and again.

Though some are genuinely sorry for what they have done, most people couldn't care less.

And yes, i will sincerely apologise when i am shown to be in the wrong and learn from my error. It's not often though that i am shown to be wrong
 

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
An apology doesn't undo anything. Used genuinely, it shows remorse for a mistake and is a petition for forgiveness, forgiveness from the person hurt by the action and forgiveness of oneself.

Those who won't or can't apologize won't or can't as a result of ego...their inability to accept that they're capable of wrongdoing, or that their feelings are somehow more important to those of others.

As far as karma is concerned, an apology doesn't strike the mistake from the account, but it can offset the impact, depending on the sincerity of the apology. Not apologizing for the reasons above probably has a greater impact on one's karmic account than then initial mistake.

I'm probably wrong about all of this, and if I am, I apologize.
 

RestlessSoul

Well-Known Member
It’s not easy to apologise sincerely, and it’s not always easy to forgive. Consequently, an apology sincerely offered, and forgiveness freely given, confers blessings on both parties.
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
Life is grand. We all make mistakes. We inadvertently insult or injure. Sometimes it might even be intentional, God forbid, in a moment of weakness. So how does a sincere apology help to undo that? Or does it?

I know people who don't apologize for anything. Why is that? What does it say about a person if they hurt someone else in some way, but than simply cannot apologize?

What say you?

If this concept doesn't interest you, I'm sorry.

As for why some people don't apologize, they're probably subscribing to the wisdom expressed by the Duke himself:

51QMl4Zs5XL._AC_.jpg


I never really subscribed to this notion myself, although in a predatory culture where people are taught to keep a stiff upper lip, to always show the tough face, never let them see you sweat, and never show weakness, it's not too surprising.
 

Secret Chief

nirvana is samsara
As for why some people don't apologize, they're probably subscribing to the wisdom expressed by the Duke himself:


I never really subscribed to this notion myself, although in a predatory culture where people are taught to keep a stiff upper lip, to always show the tough face, never let them see you sweat, and never show weakness, it's not too surprising.
But is Marion a good role model?


"His personal views found expression as a proactive inside enforcer of the "Black List", denying employment and undermining careers of many actors and writers who had expressed their personal political beliefs earlier in life.

...

Wayne enclosed some hate literature on "that Jew, Kissinger,"

...

Wayne, who has been described as "serial slaughterer of Native Americans on-screen and self-professed white supremacist off it"

...

I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated to a point of responsibility. ... I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from the Indians. Our so-called stealing of this country from them was just a matter of survival. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

- John Wayne - Wikipedia
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
As for why some people don't apologize, they're probably subscribing to the wisdom expressed by the Duke himself:

51QMl4Zs5XL._AC_.jpg


I never really subscribed to this notion myself, although in a predatory culture where people are taught to keep a stiff upper lip, to always show the tough face, never let them see you sweat, and never show weakness, it's not too surprising.
If we all behaved like Duke, the world would be in trouble. Times they are a changing though.
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
But is Marion a good role model?


"His personal views found expression as a proactive inside enforcer of the "Black List", denying employment and undermining careers of many actors and writers who had expressed their personal political beliefs earlier in life.

...

Wayne enclosed some hate literature on "that Jew, Kissinger,"

...

Wayne, who has been described as "serial slaughterer of Native Americans on-screen and self-professed white supremacist off it"

...

I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated to a point of responsibility. ... I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from the Indians. Our so-called stealing of this country from them was just a matter of survival. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

- John Wayne - Wikipedia

I don't say that he's a good role model, but he has been a role model for generations of Americans. He reflected the predominant culture of America of his time, and in many aspects, that same culture still persists today. Although white supremacy has fallen out of favor in more recent times (at least on the surface), many aspects of this "never apologize, never show weakness" mentality still tends to dominate the cultural mindset. One can see it in business as well as in the political leadership, as we hear so many warnings against "showing weakness" to our adversaries.
 

sayak83

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
Life is grand. We all make mistakes. We inadvertently insult or injure. Sometimes it might even be intentional, God forbid, in a moment of weakness. So how does a sincere apology help to undo that? Or does it?

I know people who don't apologize for anything. Why is that? What does it say about a person if they hurt someone else in some way, but than simply cannot apologize?

What say you?

If this concept doesn't interest you, I'm sorry.
"Sorry dear, you were right" is a man's best friend in any marriage or relationship. ;)
 

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
As for why some people don't apologize, they're probably subscribing to the wisdom expressed by the Duke himself:

51QMl4Zs5XL._AC_.jpg


I never really subscribed to this notion myself, although in a predatory culture where people are taught to keep a stiff upper lip, to always show the tough face, never let them see you sweat, and never show weakness, it's not too surprising.
It's a quote from a movie that was released in 1949. It's sad if people think the notion still applies today.
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
It's a quote from a movie that was released in 1949. It's sad if people think the notion still applies today.

There are quotes from much older literary works which some people might think still apply today. The quote isn't really the issue as much as the mindset behind it and the cultural values it reflects.

What's even sadder is that we still live in a world where many people feel compelled to take advantage of and/or exploit perceived weaknesses in others, which is why showing a "sign of weakness" is considered unwise and careless.
 

sayak83

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
Life is grand. We all make mistakes. We inadvertently insult or injure. Sometimes it might even be intentional, God forbid, in a moment of weakness. So how does a sincere apology help to undo that? Or does it?

I know people who don't apologize for anything. Why is that? What does it say about a person if they hurt someone else in some way, but than simply cannot apologize?

What say you?

If this concept doesn't interest you, I'm sorry.
An example of the greatest apology ever made in history. 101 on how apologize:-
Apologize and express remorse publicly and permanently.
Identify what actions you are apologizing for and what is the damage that this action caused.
Identify the set of present and future remedial actions you are or will be taking to ameliorate the damage and ensure future actions are not repetitions of the same wrong.
Conclude by saying what you learnt from the experience that you can pass to future generations.

Ashokan Rock inscription 13 (250 BCE)

Beloved-of-the-Gods, King Piyadasi, conquered the Kalingas eight years after his coronation.[25] One hundred and fifty thousand were deported, one hundred thousand were killed and many more died (from other causes). After the Kalingas had been conquered, Beloved-of-the-Gods came to feel a strong inclination towards the Dhamma, a love for the Dhamma and for instruction in Dhamma. Now Beloved-of-the-Gods feels deep remorse for having conquered the Kalingas.

Indeed, Beloved-of-the-Gods is deeply pained by the killing, dying and deportation that take place when an unconquered country is conquered. But Beloved-of-the-Gods is pained even more by this — that Brahmans, ascetics, and householders of different religions who live in those countries, and who are respectful to superiors, to mother and father, to elders, and who behave properly and have strong loyalty towards friends, acquaintances, companions, relatives, servants and employees — that they are injured, killed or separated from their loved ones. Even those who are not affected (by all this) suffer when they see friends, acquaintances, companions and relatives affected. These misfortunes befall all (as a result of war), and this pains Beloved-of-the-Gods.

There is no country, except among the Greeks, where these two groups, Brahmans and ascetics, are not found, and there is no country where people are not devoted to one or another religion.[26] Therefore the killing, death or deportation of a hundredth, or even a thousandth part of those who died during the conquest of Kalinga now pains Beloved-of-the-Gods. Now Beloved-of-the-Gods thinks that even those who do wrong should be forgiven where forgiveness is possible.

Even the forest people, who live in Beloved-of-the-Gods' domain, are entreated and reasoned with to act properly. They are told that despite his remorse Beloved-of-the-Gods has the power to punish them if necessary, so that they should be ashamed of their wrong and not be killed. Truly, Beloved-of-the-Gods desires non-injury, restraint and impartiality to all beings, even where wrong has been done.

Now it is conquest by Dhamma that Beloved-of-the-Gods considers to be the best conquest.[27] And it (conquest by Dhamma) has been won here, on the borders, even six hundred yojanas away, where the Greek king Antiochos rules, beyond there where the four kings named Ptolemy, Antigonos, Magas and Alexander rule, likewise in the south among the Cholas, the Pandyas, and as far as Tamraparni.[28] Here in the king's domain among the Greeks, the Kambojas, the Nabhakas, the Nabhapamkits, the Bhojas, the Pitinikas, the Andhras and the Palidas, everywhere people are following Beloved-of-the-Gods' instructions in Dhamma. Even where Beloved-of-the-Gods' envoys have not been, these people too, having heard of the practice of Dhamma and the ordinances and instructions in Dhamma given by Beloved-of-the-Gods, are following it and will continue to do so. This conquest has been won everywhere, and it gives great joy — the joy which only conquest by Dhamma can give. But even this joy is of little consequence. Beloved-of-the-Gods considers the great fruit to be experienced in the next world to be more important.

I have had this Dhamma edict written so that my sons and great-grandsons may not consider making new conquests, or that if military conquests are made, that they be done with forbearance and light punishment, or better still, that they consider making conquest by Dhamma only, for that bears fruit in this world and the next. May all their intense devotion be given to this which has a result in this world and the next.
 
Top