"Real Housewives" star has new book that advocates marital rape

[DallasApple]

I do know that hubbie and I would wonder what the **** was wrong with each other if we were afraid of pooping in our house while the other was around. Or that if we really have to poop, and the other was around, that we drive to the corner Burger King in order to save the other person from acknowledging that....yes....everybody poops. Including our spouses.

Advice from the book? Don't poop in the house.

But see now Joe will realize that his wife does in fact poop in real life after reading the book. Damn it. The jig's up now. She'll have to explain to Joe that when she poops, it's flowers and rainbows in the hopes he doesn't get grossed out by her bodily functions as a human being.

LOL!!! Secrets revealed..she has been lying to him the whole time!She is a closet pooper!

But yeah where is the "closeness" in a marriage when you have to pretend you don't poop? Having to sneak around finding a way?Biding your time until he leaves and wont be back until the stink is gone?

Then she has the nerve to say she feels complimented that he is "brutally" honest with her with critisims or complaints about her because that means he knows she is secure with herself? How can you be afraid to let him know you pooped for fear he will lose his attraction to you then claim you are secure?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Actually, on the context that sentence was said, i don't see it as any of these things.

I take to it to mean: Women don't realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want, and we will give you what you want.

But where is it stated that husbands will give wives what they want? I took it to mean that men are easy to please, period. "So give us what we want, and we won't throw chairs around or get grumpy."

You must be seeing something I'm not seeing in context of the numerous other excerpts shared.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

LOL!!! Secrets revealed..she has been lying to him the whole time!She is a closet pooper!

That.....just created an image in my head that will be burned there forever. LOL

But yeah where is the "closeness" in a marriage when you have to pretend you don't poop? Having to sneak around finding a way?Biding your time until he leaves and wont be back until the stink is gone?

In all fairness, it's entirely possible that Joe has a strong gag reflex if he hears or smells excrement. He does say that he will never change a diaper because it's not a man's job. But I'm willing to allow the possibility that he's embarrassed and won't admit a weakness.

But if that were true, revealing that weakness softens the picture a lot and shows him as a human being. It wasn't revealed, at least in the excerpts. It seems from book reviewers who read the book never found a vulnerable side to Joe either.

Then she has the nerve to say she feels complimented that he is "brutally" honest with her with critisims or complaints about her because that means he knows she is secure with herself? How can you be afraid to let him know you pooped for fear he will lose his attraction to you then claim you are secure?

I found that to be a disconnect, too, when it comes to the trust they say they have with each other. They both trust her to have the ability to weather any storm that comes from Joe. They both have little to no trust in him to weather any storm that comes from her, it seems.

 

[Koldo]

But where is it stated that husbands will give wives what they want? I took it to mean that men are easy to please, period. "So give us what we want, and we won't throw chairs around or get grumpy."

You must be seeing something I'm not seeing in context of the numerous other excerpts shared.

It is not stated. I think of it as being implied.

Although, i will be the first to say you just might be correct.

 

[Me Myself]

I didnt think we where talking about gentle persuasion .

I dont really know what Joe is talking about. By the book, the wife could say no in a way he understood as no and she did not have sex with him everyday, so he obviously didnt just took her against her will.

Its a stupid quote and a terrible advice, but we dont know how literally he spoke it.

 

[Me Myself]

Getting upset with someone for not having sex with you every single day is questionable. You say every one has a right to be angry but how does their anger effect their partner and their right to say "no?" No it's not ok to be angry at you partner everytime they refuse sex, that is not ok because you are making your partner feel like they can't say no because then they have to put up with your anger and mood swings.

Then the partner can simply break up.

Is there any specific references as to what did he do angry? For all we know. He was just stressed cause he wasnt used to no sex. That's it. Believing someone else's emotion is bullying is just absurd.

 

[DallasApple]

The advice I've seen from the book is ridiculously daft, but, I'm not in the position to project what translates as happiness, normalcy and comfort on another family.

But they think they are in a position to advise everyone else what is .So I can project all I want.She even said "say what you want but its true."

Again, I don't know enough about the Gorgas to draw confident conclusions as to what's going on in their bedroom and how their dynamic impacts one another.

That's how you feel about it.But that does't mean others don't have the right to speculate or draw conclusions based on what they decided to offer up as advice to others.They decided to hold up as a good marriage and the way marriages SHOULD be.

And not to mention its not only about whats going on in their bedroom.

I'm not a mental health professional or a relationship specialist of any sort and I don't feel qualified to make the type of statement that Joe doesn't respect his wife in the auspices of a dom/sub dynamic

Then don't.Don't make that statement.Its as if someone is asking you to when you write that.

 

[dawny0826]

This is completely fair. I've always respected your opinions, Dawny, and totally appreciate the insight you've presented in the thread. It's allowed me to let go of some stomach acid regarding the book and some of the excerpts.

Likewise.

 

[Koldo]

In all fairness, it's entirely possible that Joe has a strong gag reflex if he hears or smells excrement.

How did he manage to live so long without hearing/smelling his own excrement? :areyoucra

 

[DallasApple]

? For all we know. He was just stressed cause he wasnt used to no sex.

It wasn't "no sex" it was if its been 2 days.I hardly call skipping one day of sex 'no sex".

 

[Me Myself]

Getting upset with someone for not having sex with you every single day is questionable. You say every one has a right to be angry but how does their anger effect their partner and their right to say "no?" No it's not ok to be angry at you partner everytime they refuse sex, that is not ok because you are making your partner feel like they can't say no because then they have to put up with your anger and mood swings.

"Stop being angry, you dont have the right to be angry beecause I will call you a rapist "

Sounds like the pinacle of couple's communication to me.

 

[Horrorble]

It wasn't "no sex" it was if its been 2 days.I hardly call skipping one day of sex 'no sex".

yeah exactly, that person is suspect of how they view women if they are getting angry over one or two days without penetration.

 

[Me Myself]

It wasn't "no sex" it was if its been 2 days.I hardly call skipping one day of sex 'no sex".

Its completly besides the point that we dont share the desire for frequency he has.

No sex in a day may get him moody. That doesnt make him a rapist, just someone used to more sex. Its no secret how sex is a stress reliever.

I think if the only reasonable solution you find is have more sex then the relationship needs more tools in the tool box. I dont pretend to know them and I ve said already the texts are very questionable, but simply him not being used to it can be talked, the guy can say sorry I am not used to it, I ll buy a punching bag or masturbate or whatever.

This can happen with a woman too. The sexual clocks of each in a couple are very important and its important the couple learns how to deal with them and likely that both compromise to better please each other and also feel well themselves.

My problem is the ridiculous blanket statement that getting angry or stressed makes you a rapist. I mean wow, someone is deep into victimhood mentality.

 

[DallasApple]

In all fairness, it's entirely possible that Joe has a strong gag reflex if he hears or smells excrement. He does say that he will never change a diaper because it's not a man's job. But I'm willing to allow the possibility that he's embarrassed and won't admit a weakness

Sure that's a possibility..the only reason I doubt it is because the diaper changing was in the context of domestic duties in general.It was thrown in with washing dishes.The reason given was somehow that would feminize or emasculate him in the bedroom.

The changing of diapers was just one example of what is not a masculine duty.Neither is wiping up spills etc..

 

[DallasApple]

No sex in a day may get him moody. That doesnt make him a rapist, just someone used to more sex. Its no secret how sex is a stress reliever.

I didn't say that made him a rapist.And it wasn't just he was "moody" she referenced he would get upset with her over it..and also could cause a HUGE fight.

If he is that in need of a stress reliever that frequently then he has a hand.Oh no never mind that would be taking his wife's mood into consideration .And this is all about what Joe wants and how Joe feels.

There is also a quote of him 'needing' sex from her as a "sleeping pill'....'daddy needs his sleeping pill ".So not only is she in the role of his anxiety medications she is also his over the counter sleep med.

 

[dawny0826]

But they think they are in a position to advise everyone else what is .So I can project all I want.She even said "say what you want but its true."

You will construe the purpose of her book in whatever way you want and need to. I have no desire to sway you in any direction.

That's how you feel about it.But that does't mean others don't have the right to speculate or draw conclusions based on what they decided to offer up as advice to others.They decided to hold up as a good marriage and the way marriages SHOULD be.

I haven't attempted to stiffle your opinions, Dallas. I've simply presented counters to points that you've presented, that I disagree with. This is a debate, afterall.

I define what my marriage should look like. Melissa Gorga can't touch my own views of what constitutes a happy and healthy marriage and I if I really cared about her opinion, I would purchase her book, as opposed to speculating over snippets examined by another author. I don't think I'd enjoy her book and will forego.

And not to mention its not only about whats going on in their bedroom.

Their sex life is the focus of this thread, though.

Then don't.Don't make that statement.Its as if someone is asking you to when you write that.

I was responding to Heather, there. It was a valid piece to my response. I'm sorry if I offended you.

 

[DallasApple]

My problem is the ridiculous blanket statement that getting angry or stressed makes you a rapist.

Again I don't think anyone hear said getting angry or stressed from lack of sex makes you a rapist.

The part about when she says no he turns her around and rips her clothes off..as well as a statement he made later on a talk show that sometimes she tries to "fight it but he always wins" sound VERY "rapish" then ADD too his anger outburst if they do go two days .....him "getting upset' WITH her if its not everyday smells of coercion.Not just a little grumpy because its been a few days with no sex.

Its the whole picture.

 

[Me Myself]

I didn't say that made him a rapist.And it wasn't just he was "moody" she referenced he would get upset with her over it..and also could cause a HUGE fight.

If he is that in need of a stress reliever that frequently then he has a hand.Oh no never mind that would be taking his wife's mood into consideration .And this is all about what Joe wants and how Joe feels.

There is also a quote of him 'needing' sex from her as a "sleeping pill'....'daddy needs his sleeping pill ".So not only is she in the role of his anxiety medications she is also his over the counter sleep med.

Well you replied to replies I made to Horrorble when she said if someone gets stressed by having less sex than what he is used to, then he is a rapist.

 

[Me Myself]

Notice I never said it was YOUR blanket statement

I dont plan on defending a relationship I dont know, I just remind you of the benefit of the doubt.

 

[DallasApple]

I think if the only reasonable solution you find is have more sex then the relationship needs more tools in the tool box. I dont pretend to know them and I ve said already the texts are very questionable, but simply him not being used to it can be talked, the guy can say sorry I am not used to it, I ll buy a punching bag or masturbate or whatever.

Well that's reasonable.But that is not what they are advocating in marriage.That's called compromise and it doesn't seem that's expected of Joe.Only Melissa .She wrote how if she is really not in the mood she does it anyway.If she said its a 'hard no" (sounds like its the exception) she describes how to be 'nice" about it.But that sounds like based on her account that she will have to pay for that the next day by him being less tolerant if she talks back they get in a "huge fight".OR he rips her clothes and does it anyway."Fights her " until 'he wins."

But on the 'mood" thing if its been 2 whole days ..Why should she be held accountable for HIS behavior ?Why is it up to her to regulate his moods ?He sounds like a big fat man child.Stomping around because he didn't get what he wanted when he wanted it.