Question for Dads

[Mr Spinkles]

I'm getting married soon, very exciting, and I'm already looking forward to being a Dad someday. What can you Dads out there tell me, what was it like before, during, and after the pregnancy? Did you read books about fatherhood and parenting? How did becoming a father change you?

I'm 24, a full-grown man. But I'm not a man like my Dad, who was the provider, and the rock; he was Santa, and the tickle monster; the stoic dryer of tears, the remover of splinters, the coach, the "wise man" full of life lessons. How do you become a man like that?

I remember when I fell in love with my fiancee, all those ridiculous love songs and movies finally made sense. Now, all those ridiculous songs and movies and books about fatherhood / parenthood are starting to make sense .... I'm finding that stories about fathers protecting and providing for their son or daughter are hitting closer to home than they once did.

 

[fallingblood]

I'm newly wed. Shortly after we were married, my wife became pregnant. I found the beginning of the pregnancy, for the both of us, was quite easy. She had certain cravings, and I did my best to make sure we had certain foods around. Fruit and ice cream were big ones. That and steak. I personally found it much easier just to make sure we had those things in the house, instead of having to drive off to the grocery store at odd hours of the night.

Making sure cocoa butter (stretch mark reducing lotion) was around was also very important. My wife is not shallow, or superficial, but the stretch marks did get to her. There weren't many since we used the lotion every night, but being of such a petite frame, she did get some. Cocoa butter is a cheap fix in that case.

Make sure you have some money set aside for extra clothes too. My wife wanted very comfortable clothing, and maternity clothing was the best option. She also wore a lot of dresses as they were just comfortable. Being pregnant is already uncomfortable, especially once they are starting to get bigger, so even getting your wife some new clothes to help improve comfort will go a long way. That includes getting larger bras. That was a major thing with my wife.

I found a nice heating pad also went a long way. That and frequent massages. Pregnant women are more likely to pull muscles. That and have charlie horses. Plus, it is a lot of extra weight they are carrying. Foot massages and back/shoulder massages made things a lot easier on both of us. I even when and bought a massager just because of that.

Having snacks, healthy snacks around was also important. My wife was going to college, and worked during the beginning of her pregnancy (she loved her job). Having healthy, easy snacks for her to bring with her was very important.

Then just making sure everything was clean and kept up made things that much more easy. I ended up taking over all of the cooking, and cleaning of the house.

As for being a new father, basically all I listed goes the same for the beginning. Especially the first couple of weeks. My wife had a c-section, so I made sure everything was easy on her. She just took care of the baby at first and really nothing else. I took him as well, to give my wife a break. If not, she would have gone crazy. A baby can be very frustrating at first as it is sometimes hard to know what they want.

My wife is now a stay at home mom (she goes into work once in a while to fill in but that is it. She just wants to be a mom now). Taking her out a few times a week though goes a long way. We take our child for walks now and then, and once in awhile have a family member babysit so we can have some alone time. We try to share equal responsibility over our child, but she does do a lot more. But I make sure that I allow her to have her free time as well where she can relax.

I never read any books. I did do some research on the internet when a difficult arose but nothing more than that. Most of it just came to be second nature and learning what my child wanted.

 

[Madhuri]

Congratulations Mr. Sprinkles! You must be very excited!

 

[Guitar's Cry]

I have no advise, as I'm not a dad. But congrats. You're an intelligent guy and I'm sure you'll do well.

 

[Rio Sabinas]

Mr Sprinkles,
A child will change your life forever. (in a good way) No matter how you feel about children now,
when it's your own child it''s much better.
The hardest thing for me was getting my children to understand that "Self Control" was something
they would have to work on the rest of their lives.
If you do have a child, by all means get a big comfortable Rocking Chair. My wife & I would
take turns in it, a pillow in the lap with baby on the pillow. That & HBO saved our sanity! LOL
I envy you your trip through parenthood, the good & bad parts alike. Mine has been fantastic
& wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Kids don't come with instructions. Just be there and give a damn. The best thing about having kids is reliving your childhood all over again.

I have grand kids now. I'm still learning. Children can tell if you care about them, just be there and give them unconditional love and understanding.

 

[Tiapan]

No amount of training will help it just comes naturally. You will discover a side of yourself that you never knew existed, something that gives new meaning to your life.

Cheers

 

[Songbird]

Sweet thread!

Bump for Father's Day. Happy Day, Dads!

 

[Vinayaka]

My wife had five kids and hopefully I was their father, and now we have two grandchildren. For the first one, we we took Lamaze childbirth classes together and I was the breathing coach. After that we felt we were expert enough. 2 of the 5 children were born at home with midwives. Its exciting to become a Dad. Our first was like a 30 hour labour. That was really tiring for my wife. (And for me, but nothing like for her) I remember how our first was a terrible sleeper, so we took shifts throughout the night. To use willpower in the face of being overtired grumpy was sometimes a challenge some days to be sure. So its important to be thee for your wife as much as you can. She does 99.9 % of the work in pregnancy, but afterward you can contribute a whole lot more to make up for that.

Best wishes with a joyous time.