Opinions about marriage between Arab Christian girl and Arab Muslim guy?

[Dimyana]

Hi,
I need opinions urgently...
I am so deeply in love with a guy. Sounds fine, right?
Well, the MAIN problem is (for me) I am an Arab orthodox Christian and the guy I love is an Arab Muslim...
We want to be together forever. I really can't imagine leaving him we are so perfect. As much as I want that; I can't help thinking about all the consequences that come with it (on my side). By the way, I'll just note that if we ever be together we are not converting we will each be in our own faiths. I will also note that he is open-minded and is willing to comprise he never once told me to convert nor did he even regard this as an issue. His parents have no problem with this, but on my side it's complete complications.
The things i'm afraid about the most is:
1) Is being with someone having not the same belief as you will be a sin that I will hold forever in the eyes of God? As the bible states that a Christian is only to be with a Christian...I really don't want to lose my whole faith and God because I followed what my heart feels. Isn't religion meant to be a personal thing anyways?
2) I will lose my whole life I worked hard for and most of my family
3) I need help! What do I do?

If you are/were in my situation what would you do?

 

[Awoon]

When you give any book authority over the love of your life, you love the book more then the human you claim to love.

 

[Aasimar]

Your reasoning for not being with is entirely based on fear (what others will think, ostracism, sin, etc.)

You reasoning for being with him is entirely based on love and admiration.

So you can either let love conquer your fear and be with the one you love, or let fear conquer your love and live with the regret.

 

[Alceste]

Christians and Muslims basically share the same faith, as far as I can see. Patriarchal monotheism. Go for it!

 

[Riverwolf]

If you are/were in my situation what would you do?

I AM kind of in your situation, as my girlfriend of 6 years and I don't share the exact same beliefs. For 2 years, I practiced Hinduism, and she didn't. Nowadays I practice Asatru, but she remains syncretic.

Frankly, if God has a problem with a loving union between two people who share somewhat differing opinions about Him, is that really a God worth worshiping?

 

[sojourner]

Seek relationship counseling.


Now.

 

[seeking4truth]

There is no problem with Muslim men marrying Christian women.
You can each practice your own way of relating to God.

The problem may arise in the way you teach your children.

There are many practical things - day to day - that are different. How will you explain what is permitted to you is considered by your husband to be spiritually harmful?
eg.1. If your husband teaches them that they should pray 5 times a day but you don't do it; 2. if he teaches that alcohol is forbidden but you drink - what will they think?

 

[danieldemol]

I think SeekingforTruth raises a good point,
Although there is nothing wrong from a non-Christian standpoint in a Christian and a Muslim marrying, it would still be a good idea to discuss how you are going to educate and raise the child from a religious standpoint now and reach a mutual agreement, rather than going into it with you and him going in with contradictory expectations which later clash.

Admittedly all this assumes you both want to have children, and I reckon this later assumption is worth discussing even amongst people's of the same faith, just so as to be clear you are going into it with the same expectations.

 

[Brickjectivity]

I will also note that he is open-minded and is willing to comprise he never once told me to convert nor did he even regard this as an issue. His parents have no problem with this, but on my side it's complete complications.

Muslim women aren't permitted to marry Christian men, but Muslim men are permitted to marry Christian women. That is why his parents are being open minded about it, because its totally cool as long as the girl is the Christian. As long as you're ok with that and your parents are ok with Muslim grandchildren then I don't know what the problem is. You may be permitted to go to church, but it will not be up to you to decide whether your children go to church. When you marry him you will essentially convert your family line. I think that you might be allowed to rear them Christian, but it will not be up to you legally, depending upon where you live.

1) Is being with someone having not the same belief as you will be a sin that I will hold forever in the eyes of God? As the bible states that a Christian is only to be with a Christian...I really don't want to lose my whole faith and God because I followed what my heart feels. Isn't religion meant to be a personal thing anyways?

It is slightly different than that. The NT states 'Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever', (2 Corinthians 6:14) which alludes to Numbers 25:3 where the Israelites participated in Baal worship. If you believe the man is part of an evil religion then you mustn't marry him, but if you don't then you could consider it. You must be willing for your children to be Muslim. Otherwise don't do it. The rest of the verse says "For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" It all depends upon if his faith is darkness or wickedness. He will be your hubby, but you won't have much say in matters of faith once you get married. People change their minds all the time.

2) I will lose my whole life I worked hard for and most of my family

You cannot truly know someone until you've married them for a while. Who will take care of you if something goes wrong? Until you are married for a while you won't find out. Also, if a man is in love he usually would rather break up than cause problems for the one he loves. Perhaps you have not been honest with him about these concerns you have. If so then it is just the beginning of secrets.

3) I need help! What do I do?

Whether your marriage works out or it doesn't you won't be able to explain in any number of words, so make your decision based upon whether your community will forgive a mistake or not. If you say "I'm sorry I made a mistake" will people let it go? Things may not work out, and some communities are not able to accept that. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. Unfortunately nobody else can know the value of your relationship or what happens in it. Thing of it this way: as you have grown up how have you been taught to treat others who have had marital misfortunes?

 

[Vinayaka]

If you are/were in my situation what would you do?

I'd run. Too many potential difficulties.

 

[Pastek]

You may be permitted to go to church, but it will not be up to you to decide whether your children go to church. When you marry him you will essentially convert your family line. I think that you might be allowed to rear them Christian, but it will not be up to you legally, depending upon where you live.

:yes:
He can't forbid her to go to church, but the children as supposed to be muslims.

But in reality, it can be different depends on the guy and the family.
I have an uncle you didn't care about that and his daughter is maybe christian or something else now ( i never asked her- but she has tatoos and had children born out of wedlock). The parents of my uncle did the pilgrimage and my family in general is quite religious, but they didn't force his daughter to be muslim. (His daughter live in europe but not him )

 

[danieldemol]

Whether your marriage works out or it doesn't you won't be able to explain in any number of words, so make your decision based upon whether your community will forgive a mistake or not.

If this is talking about what the community (outside of one's parents) is prepared to forgive, I suppose the extent to which that is sound advice depends on the extent to which the OP cares about whether or not her community is supportive of her, however imo if the community won't be supportive of her it is time to find a new community where tolerance and compassion are practiced, not merely preached.

 

[danieldemol]

...his daughter is maybe christian or something else now ( i never asked her- but she has tatoos and had children born out of wedlock).

None of these show she is not Muslim, there are plenty with both of these.

 

[yoda89]

Do the best you can buddy. Just make sure you can look yourself in the mirror and not regret it. Because ultimately you have to live with your choice.

 

[Pegg]

Hi,
I need opinions urgently...
I am so deeply in love with a guy. Sounds fine, right?
Well, the MAIN problem is (for me) I am an Arab orthodox Christian and the guy I love is an Arab Muslim...
We want to be together forever. I really can't imagine leaving him we are so perfect. As much as I want that; I can't help thinking about all the consequences that come with it (on my side). By the way, I'll just note that if we ever be together we are not converting we will each be in our own faiths. I will also note that he is open-minded and is willing to comprise he never once told me to convert nor did he even regard this as an issue. His parents have no problem with this, but on my side it's complete complications.
The things i'm afraid about the most is:
1) Is being with someone having not the same belief as you will be a sin that I will hold forever in the eyes of God? As the bible states that a Christian is only to be with a Christian...I really don't want to lose my whole faith and God because I followed what my heart feels. Isn't religion meant to be a personal thing anyways?
2) I will lose my whole life I worked hard for and most of my family
3) I need help! What do I do?

If you are/were in my situation what would you do?

I would spend some time with his family and friends to see if you are accepted the way your are. What will they expect of you? You wont know that until you spend time with them.

what will happen when you have children? Will they be allowed to choose which religion to follow?
Will you be permitted to continue to practice your faith?

 

[danieldemol]

Another thing I forgot to say is confirm that he agrees not to have more than one wife

 

[Raven20]

Dimyana, I'm an Orthodox Christian male and i'm in the same boat (I love a Muslim girl). I saw your post because i was looking for opinions on Google lol. Please write me back if you see this, I wanna know what you ended up doing.

 

[Jeremiahcp]

Hi,
I need opinions urgently...
I am so deeply in love with a guy. Sounds fine, right?
Well, the MAIN problem is (for me) I am an Arab orthodox Christian and the guy I love is an Arab Muslim...
We want to be together forever. I really can't imagine leaving him we are so perfect. As much as I want that; I can't help thinking about all the consequences that come with it (on my side). By the way, I'll just note that if we ever be together we are not converting we will each be in our own faiths. I will also note that he is open-minded and is willing to comprise he never once told me to convert nor did he even regard this as an issue. His parents have no problem with this, but on my side it's complete complications.
The things i'm afraid about the most is:
1) Is being with someone having not the same belief as you will be a sin that I will hold forever in the eyes of God? As the bible states that a Christian is only to be with a Christian...I really don't want to lose my whole faith and God because I followed what my heart feels. Isn't religion meant to be a personal thing anyways?
2) I will lose my whole life I worked hard for and most of my family
3) I need help! What do I do?

If you are/were in my situation what would you do?

"If you are/were in my situation what would you do?"

I'd question the worth of any religious belief that stands in the way of love. Do you really think that is what God intended?

 

[Kelly of the Phoenix]

We want to be together forever.

Trust your heart?

Is being with someone having not the same belief as you will be a sin that I will hold forever in the eyes of God? As the bible states that a Christian is only to be with a Christian..

In one of Paul's rare moments of saying something smart, he noted that in Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female, etc. In other words, as you would both technically be equal under Christ, who cares? It's not like as a Muslim he doesn't value Jesus.

I really don't want to lose my whole faith and God because I followed what my heart feels

I find God most often speaks through our hearts. We are also compared to vines or whatever. Well, you can't be a branch if you don't "branch out", right? A plant that never does much of anything is called a seed.

I will lose my whole life I worked hard for and most of my family

Ask yourself if love and God are more important than a bigoted family. Unfortunately, there will be always be pros and cons to taking the right path. Can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, so to speak. That's just how it is.

There are many practical things - day to day - that are different. How will you explain what is permitted to you is considered by your husband to be spiritually harmful?
eg.1. If your husband teaches them that they should pray 5 times a day but you don't do it; 2. if he teaches that alcohol is forbidden but you drink - what will they think?

If I tell my kids (in my imagination, 'cause I don't have any), that I prefer Star Wars but my imaginary husband prefers Star Trek, does it really matter? God probably only watches Doctor Who anyway.

 

[Muffled]

Hi,
I need opinions urgently...
I am so deeply in love with a guy. Sounds fine, right?
Well, the MAIN problem is (for me) I am an Arab orthodox Christian and the guy I love is an Arab Muslim...
We want to be together forever. I really can't imagine leaving him we are so perfect. As much as I want that; I can't help thinking about all the consequences that come with it (on my side). By the way, I'll just note that if we ever be together we are not converting we will each be in our own faiths. I will also note that he is open-minded and is willing to comprise he never once told me to convert nor did he even regard this as an issue. His parents have no problem with this, but on my side it's complete complications.
The things i'm afraid about the most is:
1) Is being with someone having not the same belief as you will be a sin that I will hold forever in the eyes of God? As the bible states that a Christian is only to be with a Christian...I really don't want to lose my whole faith and God because I followed what my heart feels. Isn't religion meant to be a personal thing anyways?
2) I will lose my whole life I worked hard for and most of my family
3) I need help! What do I do?

If you are/were in my situation what would you do?

I believe Jesus said to count the cost and see if you are willing to pay the piper.

I believe prayer is in order.

I believe it is not but as Solomon found out sometimes a spouse can draw one away from the faith.

I believe the term used is unequally yoked. Basically it means that you could be at odds with the person throughout the marriage. People can't go in two different directions at once so usually the one with the strongest will makes the decisions. However in Arab cultures the man usually expects to make the decisions.

I believe this depends a lot on the person. A person with strong beliefs will most likely find those beliefs made even stronger by having to defend them.