Not Sure If This Is Okay, But...Need Info.

[unknownsoul]

Hello everyone. *waves* I'm not sure if cross-posting is allowed (I'm a newbie here *sheepish*), since I already posted at the Catholic forum what I'm going to post here, but hopefully it's okay if I do post again. I just need some input also from this community as well (I'd post at the Wiccan forum, but I think this forum would be as appropriate too).

Thank you for any input sent my way.

I'm Roman Catholic, and I guess I've been more or less alright in my faith until somewhat recently. Well, I've had some shakeups in the past, such as being attracted to Wicca and tarot and runes and such, have owned them, have thrown them away after a few days, have checked books out from the library on the subject of Wicca. But lately I've stirred up the waters of calm a bit too much.

Been reading the book "Dance of the Dissident Daughter" by Sue Monk Kidd lately (for those who don't know what it's about, it's basically about the author's move from patriarchy to the Sacred Feminine). Also been reading a teen book on Wicca. And well, desires for something more in my life have arisen. It's true that I've tended to view Wicca/Paganism through a rosy-colored lens, romanticizing it, thinking about spell-casting, but lately I've slowly been grasping the thought that okay, spell-casting isn't the main thing in Wicca. I know. However, I have desires for rituals, perhaps desires to contact the Sacred Feminine, I could write an essay on here, but I'd rather not throw up that much text.

However, just the thought of trying things out...I don't know. Bad or good? I don't want to commit heresy or apostatize. And I'm finding that even flipping through some Catholic books I have rubs me the wrong way, their content. Maybe the feminist slant of the Sue Monk Kidd book I'm reading has infected my mind. I don't know anymore, I could say that. The truth of the Church is in my face. I think I read once that if you turn your back on the truth knowingly, that's a big sin. So really, what am I doing reading these books? Disturbing my peace of mind.

So...I don't know. Has anyone here been through this before? How did you work through it? I guess I'm looking for permission to do what I feel, but in the end it's up to me to decide what to do. I'm afraid of damning myself though. Severing myself from the Church somehow. Do I want to integrate some things from other faiths into my Catholic faith? Is it okay? Though some could ask, "Why? The Catholic faith has enough rituals, beliefs, traditions. Why are you searching for more? You don't need more."

Then why do I feel this? Some could say it's the devil that's tempting me. Is it? Kinda feel like I'm going a little crazy. And definitely have felt angry too. Frustrated.

Anyway...I'm not sure what to do. I'm somewhat afraid of speaking to a priest about this, because I expect he'd probably say something like stop reading the previously mentioned books and any other similar books I may have, and just pray and etc. Which...I probably should do...*headdesks* Yeah, this has turned into an essay, sorry. I'm actually afraid of any replies I might get here. Like perhaps I'll have some stern replies telling me to stop what I'm doing and repent or something? *laughs, sweatdrops*

Anyway, thank you for reading and for any replies sent my way in any case. Blessings.

 

[FlyingTeaPot]

Hello everyone. *waves* I'm not sure if cross-posting is allowed (I'm a newbie here *sheepish*), since I already posted at the Catholic forum what I'm going to post here, but hopefully it's okay if I do post again. I just need some input also from this community as well (I'd post at the Wiccan forum, but I think this forum would be as appropriate too).

Thank you for any input sent my way.

I'm Roman Catholic, and I guess I've been more or less alright in my faith until somewhat recently. Well, I've had some shakeups in the past, such as being attracted to Wicca and tarot and runes and such, have owned them, have thrown them away after a few days, have checked books out from the library on the subject of Wicca. But lately I've stirred up the waters of calm a bit too much.

Been reading the book "Dance of the Dissident Daughter" by Sue Monk Kidd lately (for those who don't know what it's about, it's basically about the author's move from patriarchy to the Sacred Feminine). Also been reading a teen book on Wicca. And well, desires for something more in my life have arisen. It's true that I've tended to view Wicca/Paganism through a rosy-colored lens, romanticizing it, thinking about spell-casting, but lately I've slowly been grasping the thought that okay, spell-casting isn't the main thing in Wicca. I know. However, I have desires for rituals, perhaps desires to contact the Sacred Feminine, I could write an essay on here, but I'd rather not throw up that much text.

However, just the thought of trying things out...I don't know. Bad or good? I don't want to commit heresy or apostatize. And I'm finding that even flipping through some Catholic books I have rubs me the wrong way, their content. Maybe the feminist slant of the Sue Monk Kidd book I'm reading has infected my mind. I don't know anymore, I could say that. The truth of the Church is in my face. I think I read once that if you turn your back on the truth knowingly, that's a big sin. So really, what am I doing reading these books? Disturbing my peace of mind.

So...I don't know. Has anyone here been through this before? How did you work through it? I guess I'm looking for permission to do what I feel, but in the end it's up to me to decide what to do. I'm afraid of damning myself though. Severing myself from the Church somehow. Do I want to integrate some things from other faiths into my Catholic faith? Is it okay? Though some could ask, "Why? The Catholic faith has enough rituals, beliefs, traditions. Why are you searching for more? You don't need more."

Then why do I feel this? Some could say it's the devil that's tempting me. Is it? Kinda feel like I'm going a little crazy. And definitely have felt angry too. Frustrated.

Anyway...I'm not sure what to do. I'm somewhat afraid of speaking to a priest about this, because I expect he'd probably say something like stop reading the previously mentioned books and any other similar books I may have, and just pray and etc. Which...I probably should do...*headdesks* Yeah, this has turned into an essay, sorry. I'm actually afraid of any replies I might get here. Like perhaps I'll have some stern replies telling me to stop what I'm doing and repent or something? *laughs, sweatdrops*

Anyway, thank you for reading and for any replies sent my way in any case. Blessings.

As I said in the other thread, thoughts are the only truth you will subject yourself to, do not suppress them.

 

[Klaufi_Wodensson]

Even though I am not a Wiccan, I am a "Pagan", so I figured I could lend you a hand. I was raised Catholic as well, and so if Catholicism was the "true" religion, then I'm going to Hell. Luckily though, I don't believe in the Christian God any longer, and now believe in many Gods and Goddesses. All I can say, is follow what feels right to you. Chances are the Church will have something to say against "indulging in desires of the flesh" and whatnot, but if Wicca or something like that fits your spirit better than Catholicism, go for it. I know that my current religion fits me much better than Catholicism did.

And also, if you're interested, there is such a thing as Christian Wicca.

 

[blackout]

I would like to join in the conversation here unknownsoul,
if it's ok with you.
I'm not wiccan, but I'm of the Pagan variety,
and I was a very devout Roman Catholic for almost 10 years of my adult life.

Anyway, I don't want to post my heart out here,
only to be deleted
for not being in my DIR.
(which is why I did not post to your thread in the Catholic DIR).

Give me the thumbs up,
and I will share all with you.

 

[unknownsoul]

I would like to join in the conversation here unknownsoul,
if it's ok with you.
I'm not wiccan, but I'm of the Pagan variety,
and I was a very devout Roman Catholic for almost 10 years of my adult life.

Anyway, I don't want to post my heart out here,
only to be deleted
for not being in my DIR.
(which is why I did not post to your thread in the Catholic DIR).

Give me the thumbs up,
and I will share all with you.

It's fine with me, no problem! Just curious, but can posts be deleted if they don't pertain to the forum you're posting in, even if it's related in some way to the post you're replying to? :O

I definitely give you the thumbs up. I'm curious as to what made you switch to Paganism, especially, as you mentioned, after having been a devout Catholic for a decade. You can post here or send me a private message if you're more comfortable that way, either would be okay.

Also, I updated my post at the Catholic DIR forum, for anyone who'd like to follow my latest thoughts regarding things. If it's too much posting, then I can put up my Open Diary address so you all can follow my faith journey there. But yes...any info, any insight, anything from Catholics especially who decided to change paths, is welcome.

 

[blackout]

It's fine with me, no problem! Just curious, but can posts be deleted if they don't pertain to the forum you're posting in, even if it's related in some way to the post you're replying to? :O

Visitors to another DIR (that is not their own)
are supposed to ask respectful questions only.

If someone in that DIR complains
about a non DIR member
posting their own opinions and viewpoints,
their posts could be deleted.
This is why as the creator of this thread,
I wanted your go ahead.
There is a value to the DIR's and I don't want to disrepect them.
On the other hand,
if you want to hear what a larger cross-section of people on the forum think,
it's better not to post in a DIR.
Then ANYONE can respond.
Which can be good! :rainbow1:
......
or sometimes not so good....

Anyway, Welcome to RF,
~Vi~

 

[unknownsoul]

Visitors to another DIR (that is not their own)
are supposed to ask respectful questions only.

If someone in that DIR complains
about a non DIR member
posting their own opinions and viewpoints,
their posts could be deleted.
This is why as the creator of this thread,
I wanted your go ahead.
There is a value to the DIR's and I don't want to disrepect them.
On the other hand,
if you want to hear what a larger cross-section of people on the forum think,
it's better not to post in a DIR.
Then ANYONE can respond.
Which can be good! :rainbow1:
......
or sometimes not so good....

Anyway, Welcome to RF,
~Vi~

I think I understand now. Hmm. I wonder if perhaps I shouldn't have posted my question in a DIR? *sheepish* Now I kinda feel like I'm hijacking this forum. :sorry1: Ahh, I'm definitely a newbie. Thank you for the welcome.

 

[unknownsoul]

And also, if you're interested, there is such a thing as Christian Wicca.

I'm definitely looking into that. Thank you for your reply!

 

[blackout]

Oooooh!, I thought this was the Wiccan DIR!

Guess I'm ok then, as I do WerShape
Nyx, Eris (Greek Pantheon)
Lustre/Strength, Star (Tarot)
and Ultra (my Highest Self)
in my own way/s.

 

[blackout]

I think I understand now. Hmm. I wonder if perhaps I shouldn't have posted my question in a DIR? *sheepish* Now I kinda feel like I'm hijacking this forum. :sorry1: Ahh, I'm definitely a newbie. Thank you for the welcome.

No you're not at all.
Actually you have come in respectfully to share and ask questions.

 

[elmarna]

Yes-I have been through what you are talking about. Be careful of the books ; They can be missleading. It took me years to find a belief system that i felt i was in a fellowship & not a formation.
Fellowships are when like minds come together for a common cause
Formations are when a deverse people come together in the same respects.
thry to look at your morals & ethics.
they are the basis to your beliefs.
when you are looking at the different support systems that are formed go & see if they speak in the value system & a way you already have established in your heart.
If they are asking you to change or are telling you what to see then it does not match your ways & it will only lead to frustrations in your heart.
Here is a good place to start.
I myself went to the actual places of worship & also read books.
That is how I know some books can be misleading when the feelings i had painted in some of it & the realities spoke differently.
If you are unsure look me up I know you will do whats right to your higher good,but if no 1 is willing to help answering the questions you have I will do my best to see if i can find out for you!
WARM WISHES & GOOD THOUGHTS FOR YOU!!!!!

 

[blackout]

I get the sense from your post that you're young.
Perhaps an older teen, or a young adult.

When I was a teen and a young adult,
I knew deep down inside who I was.
I actively fought the Roman Catholic influence
of my upbringing as much as I possibly could.
(though especially in certain matters of sexuality
there was repression I could not undo
until I was 38 years old)

I was always fascinated by occultish practices,
as a young person,
and the idea that we constructed our own realities.
I did alot of meditation
and enjoyed altered realities.
I practiced lucid dreaming,
was interested in psychic/healers like Edgar Cayce
(who btw was christian)
and I remember I wanted to experience astral projection,
but the fear of "something demonic"
taking over my body when I left
always kept me from any possible climax.
Unfortunately the RC left me with many fears,
and it took me many years to work through them all.
(Though as a teen and young adult, still,
I was not ruled by fear,
as I later came to be
after finally giving in to the church of my upbringing
so many years later.)

As a young adult,
I called the Carlos Casteneda series my "Bible".
I read them cover to cover many times over.
They FASCINATED ME.
The RCC never fascinated me.
(and quite often rubbed me the wrong way)
The bible really never fascinated me either,
though I did always like, and enjoy, the character of Jesus.

Anyway, though,
and sadly for me, I was alone in my thinking.
I was alone in my sense'abilities.
Though I knew many kinds of people,
especially in college,
I knew no one like me.
No one understood me,
and I was alone,
with no one to help me grow,
no one to share in my growth,
no one to grow with me.

(I'll take a break here)

 

[blackout]

You are so lucky to have the internet.

I truly think,
that if there had been internet in my day,
(I'm now 43)
that if I'd been able to find people online like me,
I never would have lost my own path in the first place.
I would have had others
who understood,
who had been there,
with interesting insights
and encouragement
to keep me going.
To INSPIRE me!
Give me new things to try and consider for mySelf.
To assist me in MY OWN personal formation,
through stories of their own experiences.
(as opposed to the DOCTRINAL type
"shoulds" "shouldn'ts" and "mustn'ts"
of the RCC's brand of "formation").

 

[Antiochian]

To the OP, I was Catholic once, too. The official party line is, "us or nothing." The occult or anything non-Christian (and in more fanatical circles, anything non-Catholic) is soundly condemned. So that pretty much answers your question, from an official view point, about mixing Wiccan elements into your Catholic faith. And I'm sure that's the answer you're getting in the Catholic forum.

On the other hand, there are liberal Catholics who remain in the church but follow their own consciences rather than what this or that papal document says. My first university academic advisor was a liberal feminist Franciscan nun. There are Catholic priests who paint beautiful icons of Merlin the magician, the Triple Goddess, Cernunnos, and other Pagan themes. I'll get back to you with their websites.

I tried to be Christo-Pagan, and it didn't work. I chose Paganism. Leaving the Church was hard. Christianity is the faith of my family, my ancestors. But I had to find a faith that worked for me. And Christianity no longer did.

Magic is a part of Wicca, but don't let Hollywood or the priests mislead you. Magic can be used for good or bad, like money. Like the internet. like anything. But the majority of Wiccans use spells only for good. Take time to think, investigate, talk to people. No one can tell you you should leave the Church, or you must become Pagan. Each human being has a unique spiritual walk.

One other thing. Wicca completely rejects any notion of hell. There is no hell, except for possibly the hells people create for themselves on earth. I understand the fear you feel about being damned, because I've been down that road, too. You've been taught that your whole life, and it isn't going away overnight. Wicca sees hell as a man-made doctrine that is used to instill fear. Hell also is a big money maker. There are popular books pedaled by authors like Bill Wiese who claim to have seen hell and now wish to warn us what happens if we don't behave. One of these authors claims a certain race of demons are the result of angels having sex with giants, or something like that. Hope this helps, blessed be.

 

[unknownsoul]

Thank you for opening up regarding this, UltraViolet. I'm sorry if it's difficult or uncomfortable. x__x I am kind of young by the way, I'm 29, but mentally/emotionally I just feel immature, not really adult-ish, stunted really.

I'm sorry you felt alone and that the internet wasn't around when you needed it. And yes, while I guess I haven't struggled to such a degree in regards to the shouldn'ts in the Catholic faith, I did go through a tough period of scrupulosity, really bad scrupulosity, which I guess I've used as an excuse to resist in ways, to say, "Well, I went through this hell, so I deserve something!" That something being just the freedom to do what I want (though obviously within reason, nothing crazy or anything ).

 

[blackout]

I mySelf was never a "nominal catholic".
I'm kind of a "do a thing deeply and truly"
or don't bother do it at all
type of person.

So actually, eventually, with nothing else but dead ends,
I decided to give the RC of the "mystics" a chance.
"Mystical Roman Catholicism" so to speak.
However, here's what happened.
Eventually, the Doctrine overpowered the Mysticism,
as even the (supposed) mystical side of the church
is subject to it's doctrine.
So I became exactly what I NEVER wanted to be.
A "subject" of the Roman Catholic church.
But it was one of those things
where if you put the frog in the water when it's cool,
and then begin slowly heating it to a boil,
the frog doesn't realize that it's slowly being burned alive.
The "subject" loses its natural sense of self and reality
in a graduated way, over time, and with repition,
forgets why it ever even jumped in the pot to begin with.

 

[blackout]

Thank you for opening up regarding this, UltraViolet. I'm sorry if it's difficult or uncomfortable. x__x I am kind of young by the way, I'm 29, but mentally/emotionally I just feel immature, not really adult-ish, stunted really.

I'm sorry you felt alone and that the internet wasn't around when you needed it. And yes, while I guess I haven't struggled to such a degree in regards to the shouldn'ts in the Catholic faith, I did go through a tough period of scrupulosity, really bad scrupulosity, which I guess I've used as an excuse to resist in ways, to say, "Well, I went through this hell, so I deserve something!" That something being just the freedom to do what I want (though obviously within reason, nothing crazy or anything ).

You shouldn't feel stunted.
You're THINKING! for yourself.
Stunted people don't do that.

You write and express yourSelf very well also,
which is also why I thought maybe you were a young adult
instead of a teen.
and 29 IS still a young adult. :hug:

lucky.

You are young enough to not lose years of your True Self!
in an attempt to conform to what someone else
"says" you should be.

I would truly suggest that you make this about you
and YOUR OWN SENSE of god,
and if your own sense of "god" is "goddess"
then SO BE IT!

See what happens?

If it's what's truly in you,
it's not going to go away.
The "best" you can hope to do
is repress it
for some odd number of years,
but deep down
the true you will always still be there.
waiting.

I think for tonight this is enough.
Others have said excellent things here as well.
Maybe sit with it all.
And talk to god/goddess about it.
Just go have a heart to heart.

You DO deserve something .
You deserve to be happy,
and you deserve the freedom to do what you want,
which, in short, means Being You.

Hope this all helps.

 

[unknownsoul]

To the OP, I was Catholic once, too. The official party line is, "us or nothing." The occult or anything non-Christian (and in more fanatical circles, anything non-Catholic) is soundly condemned. So that pretty much answers your question, from an official view point, about mixing Wiccan elements into your Catholic faith. And I'm sure that's the answer you're getting in the Catholic forum.

Yeah, that's basically the view that the Church has. While it does recognize the good in other faiths, it holds that it's the one true faith. I don't even want to know what traditionalists think. *fears* :cover: Though I haven't gotten any Catholic replies yet in the Catholic forum, I'm actually waiting for someone to reply.

On the other hand, there are liberal Catholics who remain in the church but follow their own consciences rather than what this or that papal document says. My first university academic advisor was a liberal feminist Franciscan nun. There are Catholic priests who paint beautiful icons of Merlin the magician, the Triple Goddess, Cernunnos, and other Pagan themes. I'll get back to you with their websites.

Okay, I'd appreciate the links! And not that I wanna get all Catholic Radar on you, but suddenly my Catholic Warning Flag went up and went all "uh oh, liberal Catholics? oh no..." I actually have found myself wondering if my confessor priest is liberal, and even asked him that. I can't remember his reply other than maybe a laugh or something. He just seemed really forgiving, and he's not really stern like other priests seem to be at the church I go to. Still, I gotta wonder what he'd say to the whole me reading up on women's spirituality, and Wicca/Paganism and everything. I dunno.

Magic is a part of Wicca, but don't let Hollywood or the priests mislead you. Magic can be used for good or bad, like money. Like the internet. like anything. But the majority of Wiccans use spells only for good. Take time to think, investigate, talk to people. No one can tell you you should leave the Church, or you must become Pagan. Each human being has a unique spiritual walk.

Yes, regarding magic, I'm actually afraid of even thinking of casting a spell. Just afraid of unleashing something in my home. It's that Catholic way of thinking, it's really deep, just the thought that "Ohh, it's bad, it's evil, etc". Though I know that magic is really just directed energy, not spirits being conjured or anything, and that it can be used for good or ill. Today though, for example, I was at the library reading a couple of books on Wicca, reading the parts where they talk about spell-casting, and I just couldn't get comfortable with the idea. Just fear. Which really makes me wonder if it's for me in the end. *sheepish*

I'll keep thinking and reading and asking questions though, for sure.

One other thing. Wicca completely rejects any notion of hell. There is no hell, except for possibly the hells people create for themselves on earth. I understand the fear you feel about being damned, because I've been down that road, too. You've been taught that your whole life, and it isn't going away overnight. Wicca sees hell as a man-made doctrine that is used to instill fear. Hell also is a big money maker. There are popular books pedaled by authors like Bill Wiese who claim to have seen hell and now wish to warn us what happens if we don't behave. One of these authors claims a certain race of demons are the result of angels having sex with giants, or something like that. Hope this helps, blessed be.

*nods nods* The fear of hell is deeply rooted in me. I mean, I could go into the whole thing of many saints who've said they've seen visions of hell, but that's probably not for this forum. ^_^;; Also, I don't know if I could let go of the belief that the devil exists. x__x So...ehhh. *just wonders*

:yes: Your post does help, thank you. Blessings.

 

[blackout]

Oh. ... and stop throwing away your Tarot Cards!

Will you AT LEAST send them to me?!

 

[unknownsoul]

So actually, eventually, with nothing else but dead ends,
I decided to give the RC of the "mystics" a chance.
"Mystical Roman Catholicism" so to speak.
However, here's what happened.
Eventually, the Doctrine overpowered the Mysticism,
as even the (supposed) mystical side of the church
is subject to it's doctrine.
So I became exactly what I NEVER wanted to be.
A "subject" of the Roman Catholic church.

Yes, that's where I kind of am right now, I have a couple of books on Catholic mysticism, which I'm about to start reading, but I guess I could end up wondering, "Hmm, does this line up with what the Church says?" Doubt doubt doubt. There's the part of me that wants to be on "the right side", and yet here I am, reading other things, and hoping there's enough "wiggle room" where I am for something more.

You shouldn't feel stunted.
You're THINKING! for yourself.
Stunted people don't do that.

You write and express yourSelf very well also,
which is also why I thought maybe you were a young adult
instead of a teen.
and 29 IS still a young adult. :hug:

lucky.

*blushes* Aww shucks. Thank you. XD You're still young too though!

You are young enough to not lose years of your True Self!
in an attempt to conform to what someone else
"says" you should be.

I would truly suggest that you make this about you
and YOUR OWN SENSE of god,
and if your own sense of "god" is "goddess"
then SO BE IT!

See what happens?

If it's what's truly in you,
it's not going to go away.
The "best" you can hope to do
is repress it
for some odd number of years,
but deep down
the true you will always still be there.
waiting.

I think for tonight this is enough.
Others have said excellent things here as well.
Maybe sit with it all.
And talk to god/goddess about it.
Just go have a heart to heart.

You DO deserve something .
You deserve to be happy,
and you deserve the freedom to do what you want,
which, in short, means Being You.

Hope this all helps.

*hugs* Thank you. Your post does help too. I'm probably going to head on out in a bit, and I'm just going to sit, talk with God about all this, and read a bit. Thank you, and everyone, for taking time out of your lives to sit and chat with me. Many blessings for all of you. ^__^