Not Perfect

[lewisnotmiller]

You know guys, I wouldn't worry too much about not being perfect. I mean you think it's easy being this way?

I mean, I can't walk down the street with out somebody pointing and saying, "There he goes, Mr Perfect". And of course it doesn't help that that's actually my name.

Seriously, everybody expects you to do exactly the right thing in exactly the right way, all of the time. And then you do, and that only makes it worse.

I dream about making a mistake someday, hopefully in front of a whole bunch of people. But I know that's never going to happen.

Really, you guys don't know how good you got it

You letting the monkey post again, mate?

 

[JustGeorge]

You know guys, I wouldn't worry too much about not being perfect. I mean you think it's easy being this way?

I mean, I can't walk down the street with out somebody pointing and saying, "There he goes, Mr Perfect". And of course it doesn't help that that's actually my name.

Seriously, everybody expects you to do exactly the right thing in exactly the right way, all of the time. And then you do, and that only makes it worse.

I dream about making a mistake someday, hopefully in front of a whole bunch of people. But I know that's never going to happen.

Really, you guys don't know how good you got it

I guess I'll make a point to screw up more, just to prove I can...

 

[Quagmire]

You letting the monkey post again, mate?

As if there's any way to stop him.

 

[Quagmire]

I guess I'll make a point to screw up more, just to prove I can...

Pictures or it didn't happen.

 

[Revoltingest]

I'm a procrastinator.
But at least this fault doesn't interfere
with my other big fault....lazy.
I can jump on that immediately.

My inspiration...

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm a procrastinator.
But at least this fault doesn't interfere
with my other big fault....lazy.
I can jump on that immediately.

My inspiration...

Wait... Lazy is a fault?

Oh, hell....

 

[Revoltingest]

Wait... Lazy is a fault?

Oh, hell....

Hmmm....perhaps it's a virtue.

 

[Spiderman]

I'm an isolated person. Not necessarily because I want to be, but because its what life has given me. However, with all the ongoing house construction, my 'space' has been invaded with strangers.

My house is not perfect. I am not perfect. Because of the nature of caring for the kids(some of you know two of them have special needs, and the other is a toddler), I can't attend to things like everyone else does. Ares runs outside after dinner? I have to deal with that. By the time I've caught up with him, I may be too pooped to clean up and save it for the morning. Our house is far from a disaster area, but its not in perfect order, and until Ares gets older, it probably won't be.

Having all these strangers in the house has made me self conscious. People that know us know the situation. They don't judge. But when people who don't know come in, I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I can't do everything perfectly all the time. Ashamed that I only have so much energy before I crash and burn. Ashamed that I can't just snap my fingers and have the kids do this or that, and that things appear so chaotic.

I think perfection was drilled into me young. Because I did well in school, good grades were expected. Not appreciated, or praised, just expected. When I got an A, I got 2 dollars. My sister got 50. "Well, its easy for you!" my parents would say as an excuse. Any talents I had were kinda taken for granted. "Its just what George does." Even now, with friends, when I am struggling and I need help, I hear "You'll be fine. You're always fine!" To an extent, its true. I gripe and pull my hair for a minute or two, then I get over it. But this expectation of perfection so many hold for me has driven me to a point of self loathing that I've never really seemed to be able to get rid of. I'm far from being a perfectionist, but the cries of all the things I didn't do right through the years still stick in the back of my mind. It might be a layover from the abuse I suffered in early adulthood, or it might be from lack of support from childhood, but where ever it came from, there it is.

Logically, I know my situation. I know what I can handle in one day alone others couldn't tolerate in a week, I understand logically I'm not a bad person. But what the head knows and the heart knows don't always match up.

How do you handle your failings? Do you struggle with perfectionism or not living up to expectations? If so, how do you deal with it?

I'll answer the questions when I get to a computer.

I live with 26 guys. Guaranteed you are doing better than all of us and probably most people even.

Most people are very selfish and shallow-minded. You don't strike me as either.

Keep thy chin up!

 

[JustGeorge]

I'll answer the questions when I get to a computer.

I live with 26 guys. Guaranteed you are doing better than all of us and probably most people even.

Most people are very selfish and shallow-minded. You don't strike me as either.

Keep thy chin up!

I think I'm doing pretty well, really. Honestly, I feel blessed. I have a house full of healthy kids and animals, plenty of food in the fridge(with knowledge on how to prepare it quite well), a beautiful collection of books to pass the time... Yeah, stuff gets chaotic here, but I was given a mindset to handle it fairly well.

I just wish I could drop this self loathing crap. Because I know(logically) that it doesn't make any sense.

 

[Spiderman]

I'm an isolated person. Not necessarily because I want to be, but because its what life has given me. However, with all the ongoing house construction, my 'space' has been invaded with strangers.

My house is not perfect. I am not perfect. Because of the nature of caring for the kids(some of you know two of them have special needs, and the other is a toddler), I can't attend to things like everyone else does. Ares runs outside after dinner? I have to deal with that. By the time I've caught up with him, I may be too pooped to clean up and save it for the morning. Our house is far from a disaster area, but its not in perfect order, and until Ares gets older, it probably won't be.

Having all these strangers in the house has made me self conscious. People that know us know the situation. They don't judge. But when people who don't know come in, I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I can't do everything perfectly all the time. Ashamed that I only have so much energy before I crash and burn. Ashamed that I can't just snap my fingers and have the kids do this or that, and that things appear so chaotic.

I think perfection was drilled into me young. Because I did well in school, good grades were expected. Not appreciated, or praised, just expected. When I got an A, I got 2 dollars. My sister got 50. "Well, its easy for you!" my parents would say as an excuse. Any talents I had were kinda taken for granted. "Its just what George does." Even now, with friends, when I am struggling and I need help, I hear "You'll be fine. You're always fine!" To an extent, its true. I gripe and pull my hair for a minute or two, then I get over it. But this expectation of perfection so many hold for me has driven me to a point of self loathing that I've never really seemed to be able to get rid of. I'm far from being a perfectionist, but the cries of all the things I didn't do right through the years still stick in the back of my mind. It might be a layover from the abuse I suffered in early adulthood, or it might be from lack of support from childhood, but where ever it came from, there it is.

Logically, I know my situation. I know what I can handle in one day alone others couldn't tolerate in a week, I understand logically I'm not a bad person. But what the head knows and the heart knows don't always match up.

How do you handle your failings? Do you struggle with perfectionism or not living up to expectations? If so, how do you deal with it?

I handle my failings with prayer to the Kami that have always been there for me in so many ways. My faith is how I survive. I did give up once and jump off a building, and it came close to killing me. I'll be suffering the rest of my life from the injuries.

How I handle my failings used to be I would lash out at people, be very angry, blaspheme excessively, blow up, do things I can't say (because of the rule about illegal activity), but after various Kami came into my life, I started learning to love, even love pain and suffering, and I began improving a lot.

I'm still very broken, and my childhood was a total **** show of bad parenting , trauma, bad peers, and lock-down institutions. I don't know if people ever get well after a life like I lived. Childhood trauma and neglect is linked to all kinds of physical and mental illnesses as an adult.

But I have experienced miracles of growing in compassion due to the love I have experienced from people and Kami.

I struggle with perfectionism and not living up to expectations all the time. We will be most unhappy in proportion to how much we want to be perfect and how much we want in general to have what we can't have, or change what we can't change, will increase our misery. It's hard to want nothing but what you have, but if you can succeed at that, succeed at wanting your imperfections, being happy your son is autistic and difficult (I know it sounds crazy) you will be more free.

It's the hardest thing, but if you can praise the Spirit-entity you feel closest too for the things you don't like about your life, about Ares, thank him/her for it, and truly feel happy that it (life) is just the way it is, that Ares is just the way he is, you will be more happy , and it will release spiritual power into the situation , bringing out as much good from it as is possible.

The soldier who fights with high morale and loves everything the way it is (even loves the nightmare) is going to be a better soldier. The soldier that hates the nightmare is going to have low morale and fight more poorly, be more likely to surrender, despair, or even commit suicide. Keep your morale up!

 

[JustGeorge]

I handle my failings with prayer to the Kami that have always been there for me in so many ways. My faith is how I survive. I did give up once and jump off a building, and it came close to killing me. I'll be suffering the rest of my life from the injuries.

How I handle my failings used to be I would lash out at people, be very angry, blaspheme excessively, blow up, do things I can't say (because of the rule about illegal activity), but after various Kami came into my life, I started learning to love, even love pain and suffering, and I began improving a lot.

I'm still very broken, and my childhood was a total **** show of bad parenting , trauma, bad peers, and lock-down institutions. I don't know if people ever get well after a life like I lived. Childhood trauma and neglect is linked to all kinds of physical and mental illnesses as an adult.

But I have experienced miracles of growing in compassion due to the love I have experienced from people and Kami.

I'm glad you found the love you needed from the Kami. Divine love can really make such a difference...

I struggle with perfectionism and not living up to expectations all the time. We will be most unhappy in proportion to how much we want to be perfect and how much we want in general to have what we can't have, or change what we can't change, will increase our misery. It's hard to want nothing but what you have, but if you can succeed at that, succeed at wanting your imperfections, being happy your son is autistic and difficult (I know it sounds crazy) you will be more free.

It's the hardest thing, but if you can praise the Spirit-entity you feel closest too for the things you don't like about your life, about Ares, thank him/her for it, and truly feel happy that it (life) is just the way it is, that Ares is just the way he is, you will be more happy , and it will release spiritual power into the situation , bringing out as much good from it as is possible.

It might surprise you to know, but Ares(or his brother) being autistic doesn't bother me, really. When I knew he was going to be different, I started telling him that we like him the way he is over and over, because I knew he was going to hear a lot in his life that he needed to be something else. I don't want anything for him that he doesn't want for himself(other than perhaps safety). So no, it doesn't sound crazy to me at all when you say to be happy that the kids have autism. I like them the way they are. The things I would change are minor, and always safety related.

I am not sure if I told you how he got his name or not. I was pregnant with him; we had yet to choose a name. We'd gone back and forth over some names, but hadn't chosen one. For a time, I started having dreams about a warrior figure; he started showing up in my meditations as well. I did some research into figures matching the description, and I came upon 'Ares'. I mentioned it to my husband. He shrugged and said "maybe the baby wants to be named Ares". And so it was. I also built quite a relationship with Ares during my pregnancy; he was my guardian.

And then the kid started to resemble his namesake... I wonder about it all sometimes, but have no conclusions.

You know, I don't really want much. I never wanted much in the way of material goods, and the little I did were small(a book here, a dress there). I didn't want degrees, or prestige(waste of time). I didn't need to be best at anything. I think my two biggest wants are friends and community, but I'm working on dropping those wants.

I think I just have to want to be me. After all, I'm stuck with it.

The soldier who fights with high morale and loves everything the way it is (even loves the nightmare) is going to be a better soldier. The soldier that hates the nightmare is going to have low morale and fight more poorly, be more likely to surrender, despair, or even commit suicide. Keep your morale up!

Interesting way to put it. You may not know it, but I still am an Ares devotee. Perhaps I'll post pictures of my various altars(including his) when my home construction is done(if it ever gets done). Though, I can't say my life is really much of a battlefield. Its a circus. If one steps back for a moment, this stuff is really quite funny.

This is my favorite prayer to Ares, which I think is relevant to the situation:

"Ares, exceeding in strength, chariot-rider, golden-helmed, doughty in heart, shield-bearer, Saviour of cities, harnessed in bronze, strong of arm, unwearying, mighty with the spear, O defence of Olympus, father of warlike Victory, ally of Themis, stern governor of the rebellious, leader of righteous men, sceptred King of manliness, who whirl your fiery sphere among the planets in their sevenfold courses through the aether wherein your blazing steeds ever bear you above the third firmament of heaven; hear me, helper of men, giver of dauntless youth! Shed down a kindly ray from above upon my life, and strength of war, that I may be able to drive away bitter cowardice from my head and crush down the deceitful impulses of my soul. Restrain also the keen fury of my heart which provokes me to tread the ways of blood-curdling strife. Rather, O blessed one, give you me boldness to abide within the harmless laws of peace, avoiding strife and hatred and the violent fiends of death."

 

[Spiderman]

I'm glad you found the love you needed from the Kami. Divine love can really make such a difference...



It might surprise you to know, but Ares(or his brother) being autistic doesn't bother me, really. When I knew he was going to be different, I started telling him that we like him the way he is over and over, because I knew he was going to hear a lot in his life that he needed to be something else. I don't want anything for him that he doesn't want for himself(other than perhaps safety). So no, it doesn't sound crazy to me at all when you say to be happy that the kids have autism. I like them the way they are. The things I would change are minor, and always safety related.

I am not sure if I told you how he got his name or not. I was pregnant with him; we had yet to choose a name. We'd gone back and forth over some names, but hadn't chosen one. For a time, I started having dreams about a warrior figure; he started showing up in my meditations as well. I did some research into figures matching the description, and I came upon 'Ares'. I mentioned it to my husband. He shrugged and said "maybe the baby wants to be named Ares". And so it was. I also built quite a relationship with Ares during my pregnancy; he was my guardian.

And then the kid started to resemble his namesake... I wonder about it all sometimes, but have no conclusions.

You know, I don't really want much. I never wanted much in the way of material goods, and the little I did were small(a book here, a dress there). I didn't want degrees, or prestige(waste of time). I didn't need to be best at anything. I think my two biggest wants are friends and community, but I'm working on dropping those wants.

I think I just have to want to be me. After all, I'm stuck with it.



Interesting way to put it. You may not know it, but I still am an Ares devotee. Perhaps I'll post pictures of my various altars(including his) when my home construction is done(if it ever gets done). Though, I can't say my life is really much of a battlefield. Its a circus. If one steps back for a moment, this stuff is really quite funny.

This is my favorite prayer to Ares, which I think is relevant to the situation:

"Ares, exceeding in strength, chariot-rider, golden-helmed, doughty in heart, shield-bearer, Saviour of cities, harnessed in bronze, strong of arm, unwearying, mighty with the spear, O defence of Olympus, father of warlike Victory, ally of Themis, stern governor of the rebellious, leader of righteous men, sceptred King of manliness, who whirl your fiery sphere among the planets in their sevenfold courses through the aether wherein your blazing steeds ever bear you above the third firmament of heaven; hear me, helper of men, giver of dauntless youth! Shed down a kindly ray from above upon my life, and strength of war, that I may be able to drive away bitter cowardice from my head and crush down the deceitful impulses of my soul. Restrain also the keen fury of my heart which provokes me to tread the ways of blood-curdling strife. Rather, O blessed one, give you me boldness to abide within the harmless laws of peace, avoiding strife and hatred and the violent fiends of death."

That's great!

Just fantastic!

You're an inspiration. I'm an Aries and so is my favorite author. I will pray to Aries as well, but he can be very destructive and impulsive and reckless I hear. I will pray for Ares as well.

Great prayer though!

 

[JustGeorge]

That's great!

Just fantastic!

You're an inspiration. I'm an Aries and so is my favorite author. I will pray to Aries as well, but he can be very destructive and impulsive and reckless I hear. I will pray for Ares as well.

Great prayer though!

He is. But no one ever stops to think why.

He was(the god, not my kid) neglected and abused, in my opinion. His parents made no attempt to disguise the fact they despised him. When he was trapped by the two giants, who was it that came to his rescue? His parents? Nope. Hermes. Growing up knowing you're unloved can make one bitter and being bitter can cause one to act with impulsive anger.

Few know much of his good side, however. In a misogynistic culture, he treated his partners with respect. He did not force himself on them, nor deceive them. He was also one of the few deities who mourned for not only his divine children, but the mortal ones as well. In that pantheon, that was somewhat unusual.

That's the Ares that presented himself to me. Though he can be brutal and bloodthirsty, it was the loving and protective part of him that he showed to me.

 

[Spiderman]

He is. But no one ever stops to think why.

He was(the god, not my kid) neglected and abused, in my opinion. His parents made no attempt to disguise the fact they despised him. When he was trapped by the two giants, who was it that came to his rescue? His parents? Nope. Hermes. Growing up knowing you're unloved can make one bitter and being bitter can cause one to act with impulsive anger.

Few know much of his good side, however. In a misogynistic culture, he treated his partners with respect. He did not force himself on them, nor deceive them. He was also one of the few deities who mourned for not only his divine children, but the mortal ones as well. In that pantheon, that was somewhat unusual.

That's the Ares that presented himself to me. Though he can be brutal and bloodthirsty, it was the loving and protective part of him that he showed to me.

OH wow, I was just submitting a post about a person I encountered today who was likely neglected and abused, then I read your post.