More fathers wanted and needed! - Mystic's Wednesday Feminist Dream Journal entry

[MysticSang'ha]

Mystic perspective of the day here -

I dream of the day when fathers of all stripes know their importance in the emotional and physical upbringing of their children. That they are not there to be a "male role model", but that they are working together with their partner(s) and/or the child's mother(s) in their health, education, and socializing.

I dream of less sole custody, and more shared custody or joint custody. I dream of less insistence on the single-wage-earner economy as the basis of household income, but a shared household economy where fathers are equally involved in the caring of children, and mothers are equally pursuing business and political ventures.

I dream that one day culture will stop propagating the image of the bumbling father who can't fix a meal or locate the baby wipes. That children can run to either mother or father to kiss their boo boo, to comfort them when they are scared, to reassure them they can achieve, and to answer their questions.

I dream of the day when mothers don't feel like they have to do it all. That they have a partner to be right there with them, and vice versa.

I dream of the day when same sex male partners prove to the world that their children are stable, loving, educated, compassionate, and strong. And that this was the result of a father's love for his children.

I dream of a father being able to look his daughter in the eye, and believe without a shadow of a doubt that she can become President some day, and then to be able to tell her that and support her in whatever she wants to do as much as his son.

I dream of fathers knowing how utterly and profoundly valuable they are to their children. That they don't have to try to be more of a "man". That they don't have to hide their sadness. That they don't have to mold themselves into the stoic Marlboro Man and have to stuff all their tenderness away for fear of looking weak. That they are truly free to share their unbounded love with their children, and to hug, kiss, and tickle without fear of looking like a pedophile.

My feminist dream in opening up and freeing future generations for gender equality includes males who don't have to be trapped in the patriarchal role of uncaring soldier who only goes out for the "kill" to feed his tribe. I want my sons to know they are much more than the stereotype. I want my daughter to expect in her relationships a man who feels free of abiding by institutional patriarchy.

We seem to be heading there, step by step. But I truly hope to see this reality as a simple assumption in my lifetime.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I think we've already gone too far over the line, too fast. Every guy under the age of 30 I know could use a little more "manning up." Most are plenty sensitive and emotional, but have no ability to take responsibility, follow-through, or be someone's emotional anchor when needed. The "strong, silent" stereotype has already gone the way of the dinosaurs. Unfortunately, it's been replaced with the "whining, perpetual adolescent" stereotype, which is no better.

 

[Horrorble]

See I didn't even get the "male role model dad." I didn't really get anything. I got one piece of advice when I was 18 "be with an older man so he can look after you." lolz
But I guess I'm worse than him cause apparently my views on pornography say more about me then every man in the world.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I think we've already gone too far over the line, too fast. Every guy under the age of 30 I know could use a little more "manning up." Most are plenty sensitive and emotional, but have no ability to take responsibility, follow-through, or be someone's emotional anchor when needed. The "strong, silent" stereotype has already gone the way of the dinosaurs. Unfortunately, it's been replaced with the "whining, perpetual adolescent" stereotype, which is no better.

Naw...it doesn't have to be that way. I get what you mean about our Gen Y friends. I mean...waxing? Really? But being uber-sensitive is too often a passive way of saying 'Look at me!'.

I'm gonna run through Mystic's list in a minute, see how I stack up...

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Mystic perspective of the day here -

First off, this post is awesome. Props.

I dream of the day when fathers of all stripes know their importance in the emotional and physical upbringing of their children. That they are not there to be a "male role model", but that they are working together with their partner(s) and/or the child's mother(s) in their health, education, and socializing.

Amen.

I dream of less sole custody, and more shared custody or joint custody. I dream of less insistence on the single-wage-earner economy as the basis of household income, but a shared household economy where fathers are equally involved in the caring of children, and mothers are equally pursuing business and political ventures.

Almost there (speaking personally). I'm now running my own business, which has given me more freedom in travel (or not travel) and taken some of the onus off my wife, who works 4 days a week (although she'd prefer to work 3...lol). She trying to get a small side business off the ground and I'm doing everything I can to support that.

I dream that one day culture will stop propagating the image of the bumbling father who can't fix a meal or locate the baby wipes. That children can run to either mother or father to kiss their boo boo, to comfort them when they are scared, to reassure them they can achieve, and to answer their questions.

We have the opposite issue. My eldest daughter (in particular) is a daddy's girl. I cook almost as much as my wife does. And they tend to come to me for answers to most things, because I always try to explain stuff. But I'm totally crap at finding ANYTHING, and I have fallen down the stairs in our house twice in the last year, so I do kinda fit 'bumbling'.

I dream of the day when mothers don't feel like they have to do it all. That they have a partner to be right there with them, and vice versa.

Bit to go there. My wife sees work required where I don't, and the difference in expectations...let's just say I would stop to sniff the flowers, she'd be weeding and fertilising them.

I dream of the day when same sex male partners prove to the world that their children are stable, loving, educated, compassionate, and strong. And that this was the result of a father's love for his children.

This is my number one goal in life.

I dream of a father being able to look his daughter in the eye, and believe without a shadow of a doubt that she can become President some day, and then to be able to tell her that and support her in whatever she wants to do as much as his son.

Well, we have one up on you, since we've done the female Prime Minister thing. It helps lend cred when I tell her she can do whatever she likes, which I do all the time. I'm more worried about the more complicated discussions that will come later in life than the simple truth that she can do whatever she wants and I'll support her in it.

I dream of fathers knowing how utterly and profoundly valuable they are to their children. That they don't have to try to be more of a "man". That they don't have to hide their sadness. That they don't have to mold themselves into the stoic Marlboro Man and have to stuff all their tenderness away for fear of looking weak. That they are truly free to share their unbounded love with their children, and to hug, kiss, and tickle without fear of looking like a pedophile.

Here's my weakness, although I'm not convinced it's a weakness. I am tender with my kids. I cuddle them and tell them I love them every day. If they complain, I do it twice as much. First person who says I look like a pedophile gets a punch in the mouth. And I used to be a primary school teacher, so I even have a pretty good handle on what I should be doing with them developmentally, from a social and educational point of view. Heck, I'd even go so far as to say I was a damn good teacher. But I'm naturally a pretty chilled person, and I do tend to be the 'strong, silent' one in some ways. I suppose that is gender role. But my wife is more opinionated than me, and also a bit more prone to freezing up under intense stress. Whereas I'm a bit less invested day to day, and quite comfortable under stress (well...as much as that's possible). So we kinda compliment in that way. But I certainly get accused of being 'old-school' a lot by people who know me, but don't see me around my kids, etc. I wear it as a badge of honour in some ways, since I am trying to get the balance right between what I respect about my father and grandfather, what I don't want to be compared to them, what I don't respect in some of the 'Look at me' generation (erm...massive stereotype...I'll leave it for now, just as a shorthand), and what they are getting right. Like Kilgore, I do worry about a falseness to the kids, and about them parading political correctness rather than honestly held belief. Probably a separate topic though, right? Ahem...

My feminist dream in opening up and freeing future generations for gender equality includes males who don't have to be trapped in the patriarchal role of uncaring soldier who only goes out for the "kill" to feed his tribe. I want my sons to know they are much more than the stereotype. I want my daughter to expect in her relationships a man who feels free of abiding by institutional patriarchy.

I dream of gender equality. I don't want to live in a world where men and women try to be the same, because of some misguided thought that equality demands it. Celebrate difference (not just gender) and empower all with equal opportunity.

We seem to be heading there, step by step. But I truly hope to see this reality as a simple assumption in my lifetime.

 

[Aquitaine]

Mystic perspective of the day here -

I dream of the day when fathers of all stripes know their importance in the emotional and physical upbringing of their children. That they are not there to be a "male role model", but that they are working together with their partner(s) and/or the child's mother(s) in their health, education, and socializing.

I dream of less sole custody, and more shared custody or joint custody. I dream of less insistence on the single-wage-earner economy as the basis of household income, but a shared household economy where fathers are equally involved in the caring of children, and mothers are equally pursuing business and political ventures.

I dream that one day culture will stop propagating the image of the bumbling father who can't fix a meal or locate the baby wipes. That children can run to either mother or father to kiss their boo boo, to comfort them when they are scared, to reassure them they can achieve, and to answer their questions.

I dream of the day when mothers don't feel like they have to do it all. That they have a partner to be right there with them, and vice versa.

I dream of the day when same sex male partners prove to the world that their children are stable, loving, educated, compassionate, and strong. And that this was the result of a father's love for his children.

I dream of a father being able to look his daughter in the eye, and believe without a shadow of a doubt that she can become President some day, and then to be able to tell her that and support her in whatever she wants to do as much as his son.

I dream of fathers knowing how utterly and profoundly valuable they are to their children. That they don't have to try to be more of a "man". That they don't have to hide their sadness. That they don't have to mold themselves into the stoic Marlboro Man and have to stuff all their tenderness away for fear of looking weak. That they are truly free to share their unbounded love with their children, and to hug, kiss, and tickle without fear of looking like a pedophile.

My feminist dream in opening up and freeing future generations for gender equality includes males who don't have to be trapped in the patriarchal role of uncaring soldier who only goes out for the "kill" to feed his tribe. I want my sons to know they are much more than the stereotype. I want my daughter to expect in her relationships a man who feels free of abiding by institutional patriarchy.

We seem to be heading there, step by step. But I truly hope to see this reality as a simple assumption in my lifetime.

It would be nice, but boy-o-boy do old habits die hard.
Then again, if you consider what has been achieved with Women's Rights over the past century alone..... it could happen.

From what I have seen though, a lot of the reluctance to stuff like this seems to be originating from fear - fear that some men have about being seen as "weak", "unworthy" or "undesirable" if they do not uphold certain "Macho" qualities.

I guess you could say just like with some Women who fear that if they don't look/behave a certain way, then they will be shunned by society.

I wonder how much of this behaviour comes down to the Evolutionary desire to seek - and attract - a Mate? Like a male Peacock fussing over whether or not his feathers are good enough.

 

[LuisDantas]

Sangha, do you feel that maybe some women aren't quite ready to encourage - or even accept - that attitude in their partners?

Maybe I am just misunderstanding some things I saw, but one wonders.

 

[Alceste]

Sangha, do you feel that maybe some women aren't quite ready to encourage - or even accept - that attitude in their partners?

Maybe I am just misunderstanding some things I saw, but one wonders.

Certainly, many women are still invested in patriarchal gender stereotypes. The degree probably varies from one culture to another.

 

[Aquitaine]

Sangha, do you feel that maybe some women aren't quite ready to encourage - or even accept - that attitude in their partners?

Maybe I am just misunderstanding some things I saw, but one wonders.

That's a very interesting point, now that I think about it. Would people be willing to change if they feared said change would not be met well? Especially if it could affect one's perceived chances to find a partner, or maintain a relationship etc?