Lehnah
Master of the Mystic Arts
Hello folks,
I've not posted here in a while as I've become somewhat jaded with my spiritual life. It took me a long time to find the right path, which turned out to be paganism. I read as much as I could, I joined discussion forums (other than this one) and learnt everything available to me. However, about a year ago it just all became a bit, well, depressing.
I'm in Australia and there isn't a huge pagan movement here, although it exists. I jumped into the Aussie pagan scene to try and learn from other Aussie pagans but just found people who were trying to out do each others' paganism, where incredibly "fluffy" and, in some instances, down right horrible. I tried to join a local pagan group but when I had to cancel because I ended up being called in for work they said "well, maybe you should work different days." Just rude.
There is also PAN, the Pagan Association Network who try to promote and educate people about paganism here in Australia. They asked for feedback at one point while I was a member. One suggestion I made was there aren't any events for people who live outside of larger cities to go to. Their response as "well, there aren't as many pagans outside large cities, so we don't put the events on." Well, there might not be as many people but there still are people who WANT those events but can't revel 3 to 4 hours to Sydney or what have you. As an organisation they seem to completely ignore anyone outside of the major cities. Needless to say I didn't bother re-joining once my membership was up for renewal.
The problem was if I was to stay solitary, how would I learn? You need other people to learn, to hear about their experiences and what not, but my experience with the pagan community was nothing to write home about. I wondered if paganism was really for me seeing as the majority (but not all) the people I'd come across were less than friendly. For several months - actually most of this year - I've stopped practising anything pagan.
However, that inner call for spiritual expression started again. I found myself wanting to get back into practising paganism but I was held back by my previous negative experiences. I thought maybe I'd look at other paths but the closest thing I found was Spiritual Not Religious, but really everything that appealed to me was the same as paganism, but without the Gods. However, I DO believe in the Gods so I've come to the conclusion that I am very much Neo-Pagan as my beliefs are somewhat different to traditional paganism.
But still I wonder if I should continue. Without people to learn from how will I evolve as a pagan? I can worship the Gods and so forth on my own, but will that expand my knowledge? All the books I find seem to be 101-type learning books, nothing deeper.
I'm very confused and still having something of a spiritual crisis. I want that spiritual part to be in my life but my experiences with the people and organisations within it have soured it all somewhat. I'm not sure how to move forward.
Has anyone been in this position before and could give some advice, or just some advice in general?
Thanks in advance.
I've not posted here in a while as I've become somewhat jaded with my spiritual life. It took me a long time to find the right path, which turned out to be paganism. I read as much as I could, I joined discussion forums (other than this one) and learnt everything available to me. However, about a year ago it just all became a bit, well, depressing.
I'm in Australia and there isn't a huge pagan movement here, although it exists. I jumped into the Aussie pagan scene to try and learn from other Aussie pagans but just found people who were trying to out do each others' paganism, where incredibly "fluffy" and, in some instances, down right horrible. I tried to join a local pagan group but when I had to cancel because I ended up being called in for work they said "well, maybe you should work different days." Just rude.
There is also PAN, the Pagan Association Network who try to promote and educate people about paganism here in Australia. They asked for feedback at one point while I was a member. One suggestion I made was there aren't any events for people who live outside of larger cities to go to. Their response as "well, there aren't as many pagans outside large cities, so we don't put the events on." Well, there might not be as many people but there still are people who WANT those events but can't revel 3 to 4 hours to Sydney or what have you. As an organisation they seem to completely ignore anyone outside of the major cities. Needless to say I didn't bother re-joining once my membership was up for renewal.
The problem was if I was to stay solitary, how would I learn? You need other people to learn, to hear about their experiences and what not, but my experience with the pagan community was nothing to write home about. I wondered if paganism was really for me seeing as the majority (but not all) the people I'd come across were less than friendly. For several months - actually most of this year - I've stopped practising anything pagan.
However, that inner call for spiritual expression started again. I found myself wanting to get back into practising paganism but I was held back by my previous negative experiences. I thought maybe I'd look at other paths but the closest thing I found was Spiritual Not Religious, but really everything that appealed to me was the same as paganism, but without the Gods. However, I DO believe in the Gods so I've come to the conclusion that I am very much Neo-Pagan as my beliefs are somewhat different to traditional paganism.
But still I wonder if I should continue. Without people to learn from how will I evolve as a pagan? I can worship the Gods and so forth on my own, but will that expand my knowledge? All the books I find seem to be 101-type learning books, nothing deeper.
I'm very confused and still having something of a spiritual crisis. I want that spiritual part to be in my life but my experiences with the people and organisations within it have soured it all somewhat. I'm not sure how to move forward.
Has anyone been in this position before and could give some advice, or just some advice in general?
Thanks in advance.