Leadership In A Marriage

[Lightkeeper]

I was listening to a minister today and he was commenting that many men are wimps today and aren't taking leadership in their marriages. He said the man is to love his wife and the woman is to respect him. He is to treat her respectfully. He is to be the spiritual leader.

It does seem that many marriages today have a co-leadership. What do you think? Is co-leadership a problem? Do you think a man is a wimp if the marriage has co-leadership?

 

[Scuba Pete]

Co-leadership is alright. At least, that's what my wife says.

 

[Quoth The Raven]

Well, if it makes a man a wimp to believe that his life partner has a valid input and equal rights in the decision making process, then perhaps being a wimp isn't a negative thing.

 

[linwood]

I was listening to a minister today and he was commenting that many men are wimps today and aren't taking leadership in their marriages. He said the man is to love his wife and the woman is to respect him. He is to treat her respectfully. He is to be the spiritual leader.

So lemme see if I follow this ministers logic.

A penis is a necessary requirement for spiritual leadership.

Lacking a penis makes one spiritually inadequate.

Thats it right?

 

[fromthe heart]

deleting message for incorrect interpertation of what I'd intended to say...it came out all wrong.

I didn't mean to say some of how that post came out...I read it and boy talk about not connecting a thought with words. :bonk: It's no wonder some of you thought as you did.

 

[BUDDY]

I like women that take charge.


Don't read into that.

 

[michel]

I was listening to a minister today and he was commenting that many men are wimps today and aren't taking leadership in their marriages. He said the man is to love his wife and the woman is to respect him. He is to treat her respectfully. He is to be the spiritual leader.

It does seem that many marriages today have a co-leadership. What do you think? Is co-leadership a problem? Do you think a man is a wimp if the marriage has co-leadership?

I love my wife and I respect her; she loves me and respects me. I have strengths and weaknesses as she has; fortunately, our strenghts and weaknesses complement each other, so that,as a couple, we act as a good team.

At the time that the roles of men and women were defined, the roles worked well in society . Now, society has totally re written the role of the woman (and I am not saying that this is either good nor bad - I am merely stating a fact). The co-leadership is a natural progression from the change in the role of women and I cannot see that a man is a wimp if the marriage has co-leadership; I believe that this is yet another facet of evolution.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Honestly from my point of view that minister is right. Men were falling short of being the leader and falling short of what a mans roll is scripturally so women took over in the leadership or began to be co-leaders along with the husband...I don't feel women should be in this leadership position and that when they do it takes from the man in his self esteem somewhat. I think it began with the womens movement and wanting equal rights...equal rights are one thing but to take the mans position in the family is wrong...Men need to take a stand in this (if they are living biblical) and become the leaders. On the other hand not all men have the backbone to lead in the family without being drill seargents. I think what ever is good between the man and his wife, and doesn't undermine the mans final say is ok. I don't feel a woman should run a man, tell him what to think,to feel,to say,etc. If more men were living in a biblical way then women might feel it's ok to let him be in control,to handle the money, and be in command of the decissions and the final say in the home...but things just aren't that way this day and age. Men have learned that to keep harmony they must do as their wife says...where do you think they lost the upperhand?

Times change. Just exactly what is the "upper hand?" Does living in the biblical way mean we live in the desert in sandblock homes and the man herds the animals and the woman gather's berries, dropping her baby in the field along the way? Why is it important for a man to have the final say? Wouldn't needing that be weak?

 

[Bastet]

Marriage should be a partnership, not a dictatorship. As michel pointed out, usually couples have complementary strengths and weaknesses, which makes a good team - something I think a marriage should be. Saying that men should be in control of the money, and have the final say in everything, just isn't practial (among other things). Not all men are good at managing money, some men can't make a decision to save their lives...but if they have a partner who can do those things, and do them well, then I don't see it as an attack on his manhood that she take them over. And if a man's self esteem is so low that he considers that a personal attack on his masculinity, then he should take a good long look at himself.

 

[Quoth The Raven]

Honestly from my point of view that minister is right. Men were falling short of being the leader and falling short of what a mans roll is scripturally so women took over in the leadership or began to be co-leaders along with the husband...I don't feel women should be in this leadership position and that when they do it takes from the man in his self esteem somewhat. I think it began with the womens movement and wanting equal rights...equal rights are one thing but to take the mans position in the family is wrong...Men need to take a stand in this (if they are living biblical) and become the leaders. On the other hand not all men have the backbone to lead in the family without being drill seargents. I think what ever is good between the man and his wife, and doesn't undermine the mans final say is ok. I don't feel a woman should run a man, tell him what to think,to feel,to say,etc. If more men were living in a biblical way then women might feel it's ok to let him be in control,to handle the money, and be in command of the decissions and the final say in the home...but things just aren't that way this day and age. Men have learned that to keep harmony they must do as their wife says...where do you think they lost the upperhand?

Yes, let's have men having control of everything. Then you get situations like you did when my grandfather died and my grandmother didn't even know how to use a chequebook to pay the gas bill.
For women to have some sort of equal leadership position in a relationship only takes away from the mans self esteem if his self esteem is so shaky that he feels the need to be in control of everything at all times in order to define his self worth.
I honestly don't see how a better end is to be reached by a man making arbitrary decisions based upon the mere fact of his genital configuration, than by reasoned discussion resulting in a well thought out and unified choice.

 

[linwood]

I honestly don't see how a better end is to be reached by a man making arbitrary decisions based upon the mere fact of his genital configuration, than by reasoned discussion resulting in a well thought out and unified choice.

So what you`re saying here is you don`t know of any evidence to support my previous statement that a penis is needed to truly be superior.

Are you sure?
Because I want to make sure I`m right before I take this argument to my wife.

 

[Melody]

So what you`re saying here is you don`t know of any evidence to support my previous statement that a penis is needed to truly be superior.

Are you sure?
Because I want to make sure I`m right before I take this argument to my wife.

If it is your intention to keep all body parts intact, I wouldn't. She may just decide to demote you from choir director to choir member.

 

[linwood]

If it is your intention to keep all body parts intact, I wouldn't. She may just decide to demote you from choir director to choir member.

Ok, point taken.

I really thought I was on to something there.

 

[Melody]

My husband and I work as a team. We make decisions as a couple and if there's a disagreement, we hash it out in a logical manner. Sometimes I win. Sometimes he does.

As for being the spiritual leader...I'd be in trig bubble because he's an atheist and I'm not.

He's the nurturer. I'm the disciplinarian. We both work, but given the choice (which we don't have since we're putting two kids through college at the same time), he'd stay home and be the Mr. Mom and I'd work.

My respect for him is not diminished by the fact that he does not feel the need to "take charge".

 

[Majikthise]

It's 50/50 with me and my wife.She takes care of the bills and the cooking,I do the handywork and most of the cleaning.We both work full-time and that makes things very challenging sometimes with a 3 year old and an 8 year old. But I could never lie to myself by considering my wife anything less than myself.In my heart I think she has it over me.

 

[painted wolf]

a good marage is a partnership...
I respect my fiance because he respects me not dominates me.
(not that I'd let him get away with dominating anyway. )

Men and women (or any successful couple) are two sides of the same whole... neither is superior to the other, both have thier strenghts and weaknesses. That is why we come together, why we love each other.

You don't dominate what you love, you dominate what you have no respect for.

wa:do

 

[Pah]

Spiriual leadership given to a male is a chavinistic, archronistic extension of gender by the same gendered majority of religious leaders

 

[almifkhar]

well 2 captins cannot run the ship this is for sure, so couples need to decide which one makes the best decisions but they also have to compromise when disagreement comes into play. this minister seems to think that only men can make good judgement and that is not always the case.

 

[Lightkeeper]

Maybe they could take turns being copilot.

 

[scitsofreaky]

well 2 captins cannot run the ship this is for sure, so couples need to decide which one makes the best decisions but they also have to compromise when disagreement comes into play. this minister seems to think that only men can make good judgement and that is not always the case.

But a relationship does not work anything like a ship (despite the "ship" in relationship). In each situation, one may be better suited than the other to make the best descision, even in the every day arbitrary descisions. Every descision could be about compromise (although in the relationship you hopefully agree on some things).