I have had a similar experience, although I have a deep appreciation for the tradition and history of the Anglican communion-- not so much a fan of many of the churches' (especially Episcopalian/American) openness to modernity or overly-politicized compromise of biblical teachings. As I began to look into the faith I naturally went about looking into different denominations and theologies and how the truth is so often sacrificed for what feels better or is most convenient to how people want to live their lives.
Yes, that was basically my experience too. They excused way too much wandering off in directions that were not scriptural IMO. It just felt wrong and I could not accept the justification.
It wasn't until I started studying the Bible for myself that I realized where most of their doctrines originated....and it wasn't from scripture.
I have to ask what drew you to Roman Catholicism, since most of the unscriptural doctrines I was having difficulty with were formulated initially by them and carried over into Protestantism.
One of the things that began to open my heart to Jesus Christ was very much my dismay and discomfort with modern life, industrial capitalism, and angst surrounding more and more what made me consider the consequences of evil in the world. Prior to that I was very much a moral relativist and simply tried to ignore most suffering and unpleasant things, I took very little seriously but couldn't avoid the unavoidable evil both within me and around me. I lied to myself and others, ignoring anything bad-- or pursued lackluster things and interests to give myself meaning.
Yes, a troubled conscience can seek all manner of distraction from the awful truth. We have to have the courage to explore outside of the box, like Jesus' first century disciples did. Their worst enemies were those of their own faith...even their own families. (Matthew 10:34-39)
It started by reading the Bible and realizing the deep and difficult Truth of Christ's teachings. Alongside a better understanding of God through Christ, better theology (I was essentially a pantheist) and a more linear view of time-- I have begun to see the urgency of making things right, the need for a Redeemer, and the responsibility of picking up my own Cross daily (however flawed and lacking that may often be, hence still the need for faith in our Saviour.)
I was so put off by the teachings of Christendom and their conduct (that was in conflict with Christ's teachings) that I went on my own wandering looking for those who actually obeyed what he taught....it was a fruitless search......until one day, I believe God found me.
Some of the stumbling blocks that stood out for me were....
1) The church's involvement in politics. Jesus said we should be "no part of the world" because he said his kingdom was nothing to do with this world (John 8:36) and that satan was in control of it. (1 John 5:19)
He also said that we should "love our enemies and pray for them" (Matthew 5:43-44) The churches were up to their necks in whatever their governments were doing in the political arena. In the second world war e.g. nations were fighting against their own "Christian" brothers because of some misguided patriotism, that apparently cancelled out their Christianity. (1 John 4:20-21)
How can a disciple of Christ see his own brother as an enemy?
2) The teachings of the churches regarding the very nature of God and his son never sat well with me.
Nowhere did I ever see Jesus call himself "God".....he only ever identified himself as "the son of God".
Jesus is an "only begotten son" meaning that he needed a "begetter"....someone who caused his existence. This is why God and his firstborn, are pictured as Father and son, not two parts of one entity. Jesus called his Father "the only true God" without including himself. (John 17:3) John 1:18 tells us that "no man has ever seen God"...how many thousands of people saw Jesus?
Placing the son on equal footing with the Father is actually blasphemous....a direct breach of the first Commandment. (Exodus 20:3) There is no trinity in the Bible, nor is it seen in any other "Abrahamic" faith. But I will find trinities of gods in pagan religions.
3) What about the adoption of other pagan concepts like an immortal soul departing from fleshly bodies at death?
Is this a Christian teaching? The Bible does not ever speak of immortal souls just as there is no teaching of a hell of eternal fiery torment. Both of these beliefs however, are also found in pagan religions, but not in any teaching of Jesus Christ, whom we have to remember was a Jew.
What did the Jewish scripture reveal about the condition of the dead? (Ecclesiastes 9:5-6, 10; Ezekiel 18:4)
And Jesus' description of "gehenna" is not hell. The Jews knew what "gehenna" was but Christendom translates the words "hades and gehenna" as "hell".....but there is no such place in the Bible.
There are many more things that led me away from Christendom's teachings....but these would be the main ones. In all these teachings that are complete departures from what Christ taught, it was Roman Catholicism that formulated and promoted them. She is the mother of many daughters. But this was actually foretold by Jesus and his apostles. (2 Peter 2:1-3; 1 Timothy 4:1-3; Luke 6:46; Matthew 13:36-42)
Finally and most importantly, his incomprehensible Love and mercy, and Sorry perhaps this is this is a bit sappy and spiritual for an intellectually oriented forum, but this feeling of excitement and awe for so many incredible mysteries of faith.
There are not enough superlatives when describing God's love and mercy.....any genuine person seeking God will feel this awe and a need for all our legitimate questions to be answered......in a satisfying way that feed the soul....from God's word.....not leading us into false religious ideas, adopted from paganism.
We each must take this journey and our own hearts will lead us to the truth if we genuinely seek it. God knows us and he will invite us into his family. (John 6:65)
Can I ask you what you see as God's purpose for the earth and humanity upon it? What does the future hold for us and how can we know?
