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Is it just me, or..

KatNotKathy

KatNotKathy

Well-Known Member
Depends on what exactly you mean. On one hand, women who tolerate and return to abuse are usually suffering from severe emotional issues and need help.

On the other hand, "nice guys" are just boring. Seriously, I can't think of a single person I know who I'd consider a "nice guy" who I'd want to sleep with. It's not that we want you to become macho misogynists frat boys, but when a guy treats a girl like some fragile little outsider, it can be a pretty huge turn-off. It's not that gentlemanliness is weak or anything, it's just that more often than not it seems to be paired with this unattractive submissiveness.

In my experience, the guys who seemed to be most successful were the ones who knew to just treat girls like guys-that-you-also-want-to-have-sex-with.
 
Aquitaine

Aquitaine

Well-Known Member
Father Heathen said:
..does it seem like those who tend to disrespect and mistreat women also tend to have better success with women?
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Honestly, to me atleast it seems quite true. Either that or the "phenomenon" of Women going for total jerks simply gets more attention socially, so people tend to think it occurs more often then it actually does?

:shrug:

However, I will agree that I believe simple apathy or lack of interest in Women (atleast sexually) can be falsely viewed as being a trait of a "nice guy". I often (and no, this isn't meant to be a brag) get told by female friends (and even guys) that I'm one of those "nice guys" who's "just waiting for the right girl/relationship" etc, when in reality, I simply couldn't give a toss about relationships/sex etc :D
 
Father Heathen

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
KatNotKathy said:
Depends on what exactly you mean. On one hand, women who tolerate and return to abuse are usually suffering from severe emotional issues and need help.

On the other hand, "nice guys" are just boring. Seriously, I can't think of a single person I know who I'd consider a "nice guy" who I'd want to sleep with. It's not that we want you to become macho misogynists frat boys, but when a guy treats a girl like some fragile little outsider, it can be a pretty huge turn-off. It's not that gentlemanliness is weak or anything, it's just that more often than not it seems to be paired with this unattractive submissiveness.

In my experience, the guys who seemed to be most successful were the ones who knew to just treat girls like guys-that-you-also-want-to-have-sex-with.
Click to expand...

By "nice" I mean treat women as people rather than as dirt. Would I be boring not to slap you on the *** and tell you get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich before I take off my belt?
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
atotalstranger said:
I think it's simply cyclical. People who are abused (psychologically, physically, sexually) as children, often grow up to be abusers and/or seek out abusive relationships. People do things which support their self-identity. If you have no respect for yourself, you will be more comfortable in relationships where you are not respected.
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This is pretty much spot on, so far as I can see. Most of the time -- not all, but most of the time -- I've known women who were attracted to jerks, the women had in one way or another been abused as children. Thanks for reminding me of that, Atotalstranger.
 
Father Heathen

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
Sunstone said:
This is pretty much spot on, so far as I can see. Most of the time -- not all, but most of the time -- I've known women who were attracted to jerks, the women had in one way or another been abused as children. Thanks for reminding me of that, Atotalstranger.
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Logically, you would think they would want something opposite of that which caused them great pain. But psychology and the human brain is an odd, confusing thing. It's like those who've been abused turn around and become abusers themselves. You would think they would know better having been on the receiving end of it.
 
Levite

Levite

Higher and Higher
This is the infamous dickweed paradox. Every hot girl I have ever wanted to get with, including those that I eventually did get with, (first) complained to all and sundry, to no end, about the prevalence of dickweeds in the dating pool, and the lack of decent guys. When I (a perfectly decent non-dickweed) made myself available, they immediately went and hooked up with the first brow-ridged anthropithecoid dingleberry to walk by in an Armani suit.

Why girls seem to have issues comprehending that intelligent, well-adjusted guys don't look and act like shallow, self-absorbed underwear models with ADHD bad-boy complexes is a phenomenon beyond my comprehension.
 
dawny0826

dawny0826

Mother Heathen
Father Heathen said:
..does it seem like those who tend to disrespect and mistreat women also tend to have better success with women?
Click to expand...

I think some things can be said about people, in general, like...confidence can be attractive and arrogant jerks who mistreat people often appear to be confident. Damaged people tend to do hurtful things, as a result of their own pain and insecurities. Damaged people also tend to be attracted to people that are dangerous to them, as a result of their own pain and insecurities.

The only time that I've asked this question, is when I've been on the outside looking in on another relationship...in jealousy.
 
dawny0826

dawny0826

Mother Heathen
Father Heathen said:
Okay, I know I'm going to have a hard time trying to put my point to words but here it goes. Guys can be assertive and confident and still treat women with dignity and respect. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about are the guys who are blatantly misogynistic, disrespectful and abusive towards women (such as women beaters and rapists) and yet are seemingly still popular with the ladies. I could understand someone who is young and naive perhaps mistaking egoism and aggression as confidence and assertiveness, but I've known quite a few girls who despite having had really horrible experiences with such men still returning to and dating that type time and time again (often resulting in aforementioned experiences happening time and time again). Is it some sort of masochistic stockholm syndrome going on or what? Of course they eventually go on to blame the entire male sex rather than their own lack of taste and standards.
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I don't think it's merely an issue of taste and standards. I think it boils down to emotional and psychological damage that needs to be dealt with.
 
Father Heathen

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
dawny0826 said:
I don't think it's merely an issue of taste and standards. I think it boils down to emotional and psychological damage that needs to be dealt with.
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Human psychology makes no sense to me. Wouldn't people generally try to avoid the sort of things that caused them pain in the past? You know, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."
 
Demonic Kitten

Demonic Kitten

Active Member
Father Heathen said:
What is it about our culture and society that causes girls end up with such a mentality in the first place?
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I can't speak for everyone, but for me I thought it was normal for a guy to treat a girl like that....that was until I met the guy I am with now ^_^ Over a year later and I'm still getting used to it.
 
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