Jonathan Bailey
Well-Known Member
Here's an essay I sent them as follows:
I have been feeling physically very bad since about November of 2011. I have been feeling weak and tired and have had to lie down in my bed several times during the day. I have told several doctors about this since November 2011 and have not yet been given a formal diagnosis. I am age 55 now. I also have had a lot of trouble with back, neck and leg pain over those years. Often the tiredness accompanies the pain. Sometimes pain will occur without tiredness and sometimes tiredness will occur without pain. I don't feel I have the strength, energy and stamina to hold a full-time job. I would like to be well enough to work and be productive. I dread I will remain disabled and thus poor for the rest of my life. I want to work so I can achieve the necessary means to live the kind of life that would make life worth living. I feel like a prisoner in my small apartment. I want a house of my own before I die of old age and the means to get it. I want a pet dog of my own before I die of old age and the means to have it. I want to enjoy the outdoors like hiking with my dog if I were to have one. When I was younger I lived in a house and had a pair of dogs that I hiked with regularly. I was much stronger and able to work and be productive then. I grievously miss what I had when I was younger. I am all alone in this world. I have no living relatives that I know of. I have no living friends. A California woman whom I thought was my friend died in late 2018 at age 89. I have know her since 1985. Her second oldest son and she herself had promised me years ago that I would be left in her will but that promise was broken. I feel this woman, friend of my mother's before my mother died in 1991, and her family has betrayed me. I was let down. I thought I would be inheriting enough money to buy a house of my own but I got nothing. I feel it's getting late in my life and time and hope is running out. I've been a single man all of my life: never a family of my own and never a desire for one. I want to experience the love and warm tongue on my face of a pet dog of my own before I die once more. My wretched financial state doesn't even permit that. I could have a dog but I would have to be homeless and thus rent-free to do so. I'm very sensitive to heat and cold and can't at all live without the comforts of shelter and a bed to sleep in. I have to pay rent. No room for pet costs in my budget since a landlord combined with the electric company takes almost half of my VA pension benefit each month. I still have to eat and keep up my car for transportation. I am very appalled at the federal government for not paying American veterans on the Pension more generously to truly live happy. The VA Pension is now at a measly $1,146 a month. A paltry pittance in today's economy. It should be more like double that for those who served their nation honorably in uniform.
I am very saddened to live in Lawton, Oklahoma. I was stationed here in the army at Fort Sill 30 years ago as an enlisted soldier and the town and its people looked decent and civilized back then. The town looks like a nightmare to me now. Many people seem very unfriendly here. The streets are in very bad repair and it is very unpleasant to ride my bicycle in this town. There is no beautiful scenery as I had while in Boise, Idaho and in California. The town looks like a town of poverty and as if it were crumbling due to lack of infrastructure maintenance. I am saddened by the way people look and dress these days. Males with beards totally disgust me especially ones working in restaurants where food is handled. People with tattoos totally disgust me. I am saddened by all the squalor I see in local Walmart stores: the sheer lack of sound janitorial service. I am troubled deeply by all the litter and pollution see all around me these days. A landscape that is beautifully kept and maintains makes my soul feel very happy. A landscape that appears "third-world-like" or "ghetto-like" makes me very blue. The apartment complex I live in looks run-down. My apartment often stinks of mold. People's lawns in my neighborhood often look brown and weedy. They rarely look well-mown and very green. Brown lawns make me think of death. Crumbling infrastructure makes me think of doom. This is not the lovely America I once knew as a boy and a younger man. I'm saddened by grocery store workers and restaurant who are dressed like bums.
I was happy when people in the service industry were clean shaven and well-dressed. I feel our nation is one huge slum these days. My heart is delighted whenever I see soldiers from Fort Sill in uniform in town. They are clean-cut and clean-shaven and don't look like bums at all. Many of these 21st century civilians look like hippies and I am grossed out by all the Southern accents I hear in Lawton too. Southern accents make me think of hatred, bigotry, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. I can't stand the sight of all this white trash. Lawton back in 1990 had decently-dressed people with standard American dialects. I was horribly surprise returning to Lawton last year to get a cheap apartment. I miss my beloved "Leave It To Beaver America" of the past century. looking at the world nowadays makes me feel as if my soul were dead. I feel empty inside. My heart aches about it. I feel that the human race is now no longer civil in manners but a bunch of filthy savage beasts.
Maybe some dopamine-enhancing drug might help me. I'm agnostic about God and religion. I don't believe in religions. I've tried praying but that is useless. I'm unhappy about what I am now: lonely, unhealthy, weak, in pain, obese, old, living in a world that now in this century largely looks ugly all around me and unattractive. The only thing now I could hope for is to be well enough once again to work full time again and reap the economic rewards of doing so. I don't feel suicidal at all as I am very much afraid to die. I need something positive in my life to happen make good changes. I seek professional help. I write this so VA healthcare people can get to know me better and step inside of my shoes for a moment as figure of speech. I can organize my thoughts better while writing than speaking or conversing. My life, I feel, is wretched and tormented.
I have been feeling physically very bad since about November of 2011. I have been feeling weak and tired and have had to lie down in my bed several times during the day. I have told several doctors about this since November 2011 and have not yet been given a formal diagnosis. I am age 55 now. I also have had a lot of trouble with back, neck and leg pain over those years. Often the tiredness accompanies the pain. Sometimes pain will occur without tiredness and sometimes tiredness will occur without pain. I don't feel I have the strength, energy and stamina to hold a full-time job. I would like to be well enough to work and be productive. I dread I will remain disabled and thus poor for the rest of my life. I want to work so I can achieve the necessary means to live the kind of life that would make life worth living. I feel like a prisoner in my small apartment. I want a house of my own before I die of old age and the means to get it. I want a pet dog of my own before I die of old age and the means to have it. I want to enjoy the outdoors like hiking with my dog if I were to have one. When I was younger I lived in a house and had a pair of dogs that I hiked with regularly. I was much stronger and able to work and be productive then. I grievously miss what I had when I was younger. I am all alone in this world. I have no living relatives that I know of. I have no living friends. A California woman whom I thought was my friend died in late 2018 at age 89. I have know her since 1985. Her second oldest son and she herself had promised me years ago that I would be left in her will but that promise was broken. I feel this woman, friend of my mother's before my mother died in 1991, and her family has betrayed me. I was let down. I thought I would be inheriting enough money to buy a house of my own but I got nothing. I feel it's getting late in my life and time and hope is running out. I've been a single man all of my life: never a family of my own and never a desire for one. I want to experience the love and warm tongue on my face of a pet dog of my own before I die once more. My wretched financial state doesn't even permit that. I could have a dog but I would have to be homeless and thus rent-free to do so. I'm very sensitive to heat and cold and can't at all live without the comforts of shelter and a bed to sleep in. I have to pay rent. No room for pet costs in my budget since a landlord combined with the electric company takes almost half of my VA pension benefit each month. I still have to eat and keep up my car for transportation. I am very appalled at the federal government for not paying American veterans on the Pension more generously to truly live happy. The VA Pension is now at a measly $1,146 a month. A paltry pittance in today's economy. It should be more like double that for those who served their nation honorably in uniform.
I am very saddened to live in Lawton, Oklahoma. I was stationed here in the army at Fort Sill 30 years ago as an enlisted soldier and the town and its people looked decent and civilized back then. The town looks like a nightmare to me now. Many people seem very unfriendly here. The streets are in very bad repair and it is very unpleasant to ride my bicycle in this town. There is no beautiful scenery as I had while in Boise, Idaho and in California. The town looks like a town of poverty and as if it were crumbling due to lack of infrastructure maintenance. I am saddened by the way people look and dress these days. Males with beards totally disgust me especially ones working in restaurants where food is handled. People with tattoos totally disgust me. I am saddened by all the squalor I see in local Walmart stores: the sheer lack of sound janitorial service. I am troubled deeply by all the litter and pollution see all around me these days. A landscape that is beautifully kept and maintains makes my soul feel very happy. A landscape that appears "third-world-like" or "ghetto-like" makes me very blue. The apartment complex I live in looks run-down. My apartment often stinks of mold. People's lawns in my neighborhood often look brown and weedy. They rarely look well-mown and very green. Brown lawns make me think of death. Crumbling infrastructure makes me think of doom. This is not the lovely America I once knew as a boy and a younger man. I'm saddened by grocery store workers and restaurant who are dressed like bums.
I was happy when people in the service industry were clean shaven and well-dressed. I feel our nation is one huge slum these days. My heart is delighted whenever I see soldiers from Fort Sill in uniform in town. They are clean-cut and clean-shaven and don't look like bums at all. Many of these 21st century civilians look like hippies and I am grossed out by all the Southern accents I hear in Lawton too. Southern accents make me think of hatred, bigotry, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. I can't stand the sight of all this white trash. Lawton back in 1990 had decently-dressed people with standard American dialects. I was horribly surprise returning to Lawton last year to get a cheap apartment. I miss my beloved "Leave It To Beaver America" of the past century. looking at the world nowadays makes me feel as if my soul were dead. I feel empty inside. My heart aches about it. I feel that the human race is now no longer civil in manners but a bunch of filthy savage beasts.
Maybe some dopamine-enhancing drug might help me. I'm agnostic about God and religion. I don't believe in religions. I've tried praying but that is useless. I'm unhappy about what I am now: lonely, unhealthy, weak, in pain, obese, old, living in a world that now in this century largely looks ugly all around me and unattractive. The only thing now I could hope for is to be well enough once again to work full time again and reap the economic rewards of doing so. I don't feel suicidal at all as I am very much afraid to die. I need something positive in my life to happen make good changes. I seek professional help. I write this so VA healthcare people can get to know me better and step inside of my shoes for a moment as figure of speech. I can organize my thoughts better while writing than speaking or conversing. My life, I feel, is wretched and tormented.
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