have you ever been cheated on...

[Sunstone]

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

-- Elizabeth Kubler Ross

The only extent to which I might disagree with Ross is that it seems she might be assuming that suffering necessarily leads to appreciation, sensitivity, and understanding. That's simply not true. It takes arduous work to turn suffering into a path to compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Many people choose to become frightened, bitter, cynical, mediocre, or hateful instead.

 

[jewscout]

**UPDATE**
​

I thought, you know it's been about a month since i posted this thread...nearly a month and a half since "She who shall not be named" told me...about as long since i spoke w/ her last...maybe i should do an update thingy...

for those who have not been keeping up w/ my journal...
I have to say i'm doing alot better now than i thought i would have been. I was a total wreck for a while there, but i feel like alot of this i'm starting to put behind me. She used to be all i thought about, the haunting images of what she did w/ this David fellow would literally keep me up at nights...
now the thoughts are passing, fleeting...usually followed by an instinctive comment about her sexual looseness and then nothing else...

not to mention...the Karma is coming around, as it were, and biting her in the butt right now...
does it make me feel good...for the most part, yeah it does...there is a G-d, and He is Just! tho a part of me wants to comfort her still cause i know she's going through rough stuff...but that's just cause i'm a nice guy...then i come to my senses...:no:

music, friends, torah, a few cold beers, and some pretty girls makes everything better again:angel2:

thanks everybody for all your wonderful advice, kind words, and prayers:clap​

 

[Todd]

...well given the recent state of my life this thread was going to eventually come up...

have any of you ever been cheated on? What was the ultimate outcome of that event in regards to your relationship w/ that person? How long did it take for you to "get over it" if that is possible.
and how did you learn to trust someone else again? or have you learned how to?

Yep. The first two girls I ever dated cheated on me. They both went behind my back and kissed another guy. There's an interesting story behind the second girl that did this. Earlier that day, before the girl broke up with me for this other guy, I met a girl who asked me out for a date. I thought she was really cute, but since I'm a stand up guy, I rejected her because I wouldn't date two girls at once. Later that evening the girl that I was dating broke up with me. I was very mad, because I rejected the girl that asked me out earlier. Since it was a Friday, and I didn't know her number, I had to wait until Monday to ask her out. I couldn't stop thinking about her all weekend. I asked her out Monday morning, and she accepted. Long story short, 11 years later, we're still married. Without her, I would have never been in the technology field, and I wouldn't be where I am today. What I learned through all of this is that God always has a perfect plan even though it might not seem perfect to us at the time.

 

[Comet]

**UPDATE**​

I thought, you know it's been about a month since i posted this thread...nearly a month and a half since "She who shall not be named" told me...about as long since i spoke w/ her last...maybe i should do an update thingy...​

for those who have not been keeping up w/ my journal...
I have to say i'm doing alot better now than i thought i would have been. I was a total wreck for a while there, but i feel like alot of this i'm starting to put behind me. She used to be all i thought about, the haunting images of what she did w/ this David fellow would literally keep me up at nights...
now the thoughts are passing, fleeting...usually followed by an instinctive comment about her sexual looseness and then nothing else...​

not to mention...the Karma is coming around, as it were, and biting her in the butt right now...
does it make me feel good...for the most part, yeah it does...there is a G-d, and He is Just! tho a part of me wants to comfort her still cause i know she's going through rough stuff...but that's just cause i'm a nice guy...then i come to my senses...:no:​

music, friends, torah, a few cold beers, and some pretty girls makes everything better again:angel2:​

thanks everybody for all your wonderful advice, kind words, and prayers:clap​

It only gets better! My last two relationships I had the same thing happen. A 5 year relationship/marriage and what others call my "rebound" relationship. I've taken one full year off now and I can honestly say: it was hard at the start, but it gets easier everyday!!!! Keep going forward, not back.... life works in funny ways and you never know what it has around the corner for you- usually something better :yes:

 

[Freedomelf]

I'm actually in the middle of that right now. After 14 wonderful years of marriage, I found out that my husband was cheating on me with someone from work. He never gave me any indication whatsoever that anything was wrong, until he just up and walked out. At the moment he is still trying to "find himself" and decide if he loves her more, or if he wants to come back to me and the kids. But he has been "finding himself" now for two months, and I don't know how much longer my heart can take this. I'm dying inside. He says he just wants to be sure if he comes home that he will NEVER ever hurt me again. He doesn't want to come home until he is positive he is over her (and he says now he is "leaning" towards me.)

But this waiting is the pits. I just feel like telling him "ACHHH.....too late! You lose." But then again....I love him. So that's the pits.

I think anyone who knowingly goes after a married with children person is....well.....I guess I better not SAY what I think they are. Of course....my husband is a weakling to allow himself to be suckered in by a pretty face....and I'm pretty angry about that, too.

I hope it works out for you. Good luck.

 

[Freedomelf]

I have to say i'm doing alot better now than i thought i would have been. I was a total wreck for a while there, but i feel like alot of this i'm starting to put behind me. She used to be all i thought about, the haunting images of what she did w/ this David fellow would literally keep me up at nights...
now the thoughts are passing, fleeting...usually followed by an instinctive comment about her sexual looseness and then nothing else...

GOOD! I'm glad that it got better for you. I'm hoping I will have the same luck.

 

[lightbearer]

Hasn't everyone been cheated on in some way. If it's not kissing it's touching. If it's not touching it's phone sex etc. etc. etc.

Guys are .... are ..... wonderful.

 

[Mystic-als]

Not everyone. But I do think it sucks when it does happen.

Woman are .... are .... wonderful

 

[Melody]

Hasn't everyone been cheated on in some way. If it's not kissing it's touching. If it's not touching it's phone sex etc. etc. etc.

No...I've never been cheated on and I've never cheated.

JS, I'm sorry you were cheated on and I have no doubt it's going to take awhile before you can fully trust again, but don't close your heart. There's an old saying that when a door shuts, God opens a window. I believe there is a lovely woman waiting for you in your future...one who will give you the love and fidelity you deserve.

 

[Mystic-als]

Honestly and without gest. I have also been cheated on. My now ex-wife cheated with one of my friends. And it hurts like hell to find out. But hurts even more to go through it.
The important thing for me though is not to look for a replacement for her. I need to heal within myself. And know that not all Woman cheat. For example Melody says she hasn't. So I should maybe find someone with her convictions on faithfullness.

Thats easier said than done. How do you know they won't cheat on you? You don't. But you need to trust yourself to be okay and able to move on if they do without expecting the act at every turn.

 

[Melody]

And know that not all Woman cheat. For example Melody says she hasn't. So I should maybe find someone with her convictions on faithfullness. Thats easier said than done. How do you know they won't cheat on you? You don't.

You may not be able to guarantee they won't, but you can perhaps hedge your bets in that direction by getting to know them well before you put your oars in the same boat. Talk about your values and what it is you want out of life. Be attentive and caring. Be respectful and considerate. Be self-disciplined and look for that quality in another. Hold the highest ethical standards and look for that quality in the other person. I believe that you can't compartmentalize integrity. If you lack it in one area of your life, then most likely you lack it in others.

A close friend married a man who fudged on his income tax every year. She was surprised when she found out he carried on an affair for 9 of their 10 years of marriage....with her brother. She should have known what he was capable of. A cheat is a cheat.

Remember, I said hedge your bets. Nothing is 100% guaranteed, but if you're looking at the important things -- like quality of character -- and not how they look in a pair of shorts (not that they can't be beautiful inside and out but it shouldn't be your criteria), your chances of finding that person greatly increase.

 

[Buttercup]

I'm actually in the middle of that right now. After 14 wonderful years of marriage, I found out that my husband was cheating on me with someone from work. He never gave me any indication whatsoever that anything was wrong, until he just up and walked out. At the moment he is still trying to "find himself" and decide if he loves her more, or if he wants to come back to me and the kids. But he has been "finding himself" now for two months, and I don't know how much longer my heart can take this. I'm dying inside. He says he just wants to be sure if he comes home that he will NEVER ever hurt me again. He doesn't want to come home until he is positive he is over her (and he says now he is "leaning" towards me.)

But this waiting is the pits. I just feel like telling him "ACHHH.....too late! You lose." But then again....I love him. So that's the pits.

I think anyone who knowingly goes after a married with children person is....well.....I guess I better not SAY what I think they are. Of course....my husband is a weakling to allow himself to be suckered in by a pretty face....and I'm pretty angry about that, too.

I hope it works out for you. Good luck.

Wow Freedomelf,

I haven't been back to this thread for over a month or I would have responded to your post. I am so sorry you are going through this turmoil. My heart did a leap when I read your post. My thoughts are surely with you and I will say a prayer for you tonight. I hope you come back to update us on what's going on.

God Bless You