have you ever been cheated on...

[jewscout]

Her sis said he was scum, right? I don't think Rachel is making any sort of rational decisions right now... including character judgments. The guy will leave her and move on as soon as he sees the next challenge.

yeah brit says this guy's a loser and an a$$. Marc said he doesn't care if this dude's Moshiach, he's not welcome in their home and said that if she persude a relationship w/ him that she can consider herself on her own.

Rachel is not herself at all right now...it's like some bad B-movie or twilight zone thing w/ her right now.

 

[CaptainXeroid]

Thankfully, I can say 'No'. I can also say that I have never cheated any girlfriends before marriage or my wife since we tied the knot.:162:

My thoughts and prayers go out to those of you who have. I can't imagine something more awful to face nor the inner strength you will develop from overcoming the heartache. :hug:

 

[Buttercup]

I've been cheated on before and stayed in the relationship for a year and a half or so afterwards. I have to say that things weren't the same. Still loved him but, I lost respect for him, didn't trust him, and found that I couldn't let myself be really open with him anymore. I was glad that I stuck around for the time I did, giving our relationship another shot....but, I'm glad I didn't marry him (we were engaged) because he has cheated on his wife as well.

I think a relationship can work after one partner strays...but counseling is necessary to sort out feelings and have help in recognizing the aftermath pitfalls.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I think a relationship can work after one partner strays...but I think counseling is necessary to sort out feelings and have help in recognizing the aftermath pitfalls.

Perhaps. I've seen it happen before, but it's rare. I know one couple where the wife cheated very early in the marriage, and they've had 25 years of the guy bringing it up. It's not a horrible relationship, but it's not healthy.

Very very few relationships can survive such a critical breech of trust.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Rachel is not herself at all right now...it's like some bad B-movie or twilight zone thing w/ her right now.

Been there. It's about self-respect now. You have to find the courage to remain true to yourself. :super:

 

[Draka]

jewscout, I understand that our situations are not the same, which is why I said what I said about mine being extreme and the majority of the end of my post. Now, I am by no means trying to make excuses for her, but just looking at this from an outside view and having been in long-distance relationships before and known others who have as well. You two have been apart for awhile right? Perhaps she is weak in the dealing with loneliness department? Perhaps her mind, being given time alone to contemplate different things, has discovered different things about herself. Maybe she is afraid, or has doubts, or any number of things that drew her to where she is now. Maybe she is crueler than you thought or believed. There are hundreds of maybes, but one thing for sure. It takes two to do what she did. Getting furious at the guy does nothing. He did nothing different than most would do. For all you know she told him nothing about you and had him believing she is completely available. It is HER who is in the supposed commited relationship and therefore it is upon HER as to the actions with another. Getting peeved at this faceless guy is useless...deal with her and her alone.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

It is HER who is in the supposed commited relationship and therefore it is upon HER as to the actions with another. Getting peeved at this faceless guy is useless...deal with her and her alone.

I agree.

 

[Draka]

Perhaps. I've seen it happen before, but it's rare. I know one couple where the wife cheated very early in the marriage, and they've had 25 years of the guy bringing it up. It's not a horrible relationship, but it's not healthy.

Very very few relationships can survive such a critical breech of trust.

Getting accused all the time or having something thrown in your face all the time is no way to live. My ex (second husband) did that all the time. Not that I ever cheated on him, but I was accused constantly and there was this time before we were married that a friend of his made advances at me in front of him and I sarcastically joked it off and then ignored him. My ex was mad at ME for not telling his friend off, but never said anything to his friend about it! This was something that he threw in my face all the time as if I was going to sleep with this guy or something and used it for a basis to accuse me of cheating all the time! One of the main reasons I divorced him.

 

[Bishka]

I think that almost everyone in the world has been cheated on. I personally think that if you feel the need to cheat on someone, then at least get rid of the one that you are with b/c obviously they are not giving you what you want.
As for getting over it. you have to rewrite it. you can never erase it

That isn't true.

Most of my close friends, my parents and my family has NEVER cheated on anyone. I h ave not either and neither has my husband (unless you count VERY bizzare dreams). I know people that have done it to each other and all it caused was sadness.

Not giving you what you want? Well, if they aren't, how about you talk to them, sensible people talk.

Anyways, Huff, I'm sorry, no offense, but she needs a good slap across the face to see what she has lost. You are a wonderful man and have been nothing but kind to me.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

(unless you count VERY bizzare dreams)

If I ever did that, no one would ever know.

 

[evearael]

but she needs a good slap across the face to see what she has lost

I tend to agree with that, except that the reprocussions for her actions are going to sting a lot more than a simple slap... thus, none is needed. Slugging the guy won't make you feel any better, but will only make Rachel feel justified in her choice.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

 

[telecino]

Hi!

I was cheated on, i cheated, and i got on with someone cheating.
That was my wilder youth.

So, i've been thru the 3 possible roles of such a situation, and the output result is: everything allways screw up.

After cheating and being cheated on, the relationship went on for about 1.5 years. We split up for other reasons, but the event did tarnish something.

When i cheated, the moment my girlfriend (at the moment) came in, i told her, straight out, and immediately lived the consequences. I did not try to justify myslef, nor say stupid stuff like "i'm sorry, it will never happen again". I sais i was sorry once, and i assumed responsibility, giving here the choice, and the time to make it, as to our future.

Now these are old memories, ... geeze... i've traveled since then. Now i'm maried, got a son, another child on the way, never cheated on my wife and the reason is simple: now i can be happy of what i have, and i render grace to God for all the he has blessed me with. I don't need anything else.

 

[jewscout]

It takes two to do what she did. Getting furious at the guy does nothing. He did nothing different than most would do. For all you know she told him nothing about you and had him believing she is completely available. It is HER who is in the supposed commited relationship and therefore it is upon HER as to the actions with another. Getting peeved at this faceless guy is useless...deal with her and her alone.

o no, he knew about me. EVERYONE ON THAT KIBBUTZ KNOWS ABOUT ME. he pursued her trying to convince her not to be w/ me...then he left for a week and, i quote, she "missed his company"!

i agree i should be concerned w/ her

but he's not a "faceless guy"....i know EXACTLY what he looks like.

 

[jewscout]

I tend to agree with that, except that the reprocussions for her actions are going to sting a lot more than a simple slap... thus, none is needed. Slugging the guy won't make you feel any better, but will only make Rachel feel justified in her choice.

i agree w/ you there

as much as i would love to make things work...she's the one w/ the screwed up head...

and her sister britni is pissed cause Rachel's watched her go through crappy bf's and, i quote, "true love just fell in your lap"

 

[Buttercup]

o no, he knew about me. EVERYONE ON THAT KIBBUTZ KNOWS ABOUT ME. he pursued her trying to convince her not to be w/ me...then he left for a week and, i quote, she "missed his company"!

She told you this? Awww, man. I'd drop her like a hot potato dude.....And I know you'd like to blast the guy to smithereens, but she's the one 80% at fault if you ask me.

I'm sorry JS.... Keep talking about this stuff though.......it's good for ya.

 

[jewscout]

She told you this? Awww, man. I'd drop her like a hot potato dude.....And I know you'd like to blast the guy to smithereens, but she's the one 80% at fault if you ask me.

I'm sorry JS.... Keep talking about this stuff though.......it's good for ya.

she told me it like it was somehow supposed to make me not want to beat the crap outta him more.

 

[Buttercup]

she told me it like it was somehow supposed to make me not want to beat the crap outta him more.

Sorry, but not only do I know think she's immature and doesn't deserve you.....she's cruel as well.

 

[Buttercup]

You haven't given her the impression that you're mostly pissed at him have you?

 

[jewscout]

You haven't given her the impression that you're mostly pissed at him have you?

i went off on her last week...after that she stopped telling me that she loved me...

i basically said she is 99% to blame for this, but that she needs to stop pretending like this loser is a good guy, he pursued her, the 1% necessary for this to happen. Everyother guy she met who came on to her she told them about me and they backed off...like a man does! she told him about me and he didn't stop, and because she was lonely and "needed to fill an emotional void" she...get this...this is classic...pursued him.
yeah....
so i made it clear that i blame her but i will refuse to listen to her whiney excuses for this pond scum. he's a child and got what he wanted. that's what i see of him.