Truth in love
Well-Known Member
Data source. Not really a debate thread. 100% free to cope from this thread into others. Just keep some context.
Life Without Father
(By David Popenoe, The Free Press, 1996)
KEY POINTS
§ Marriage and the nuclear family are the most universal social institutions in existence. Once sacred and enduring, today marriage is based on the fragile tie of affection for one's mate. A drop in the rate of marriage has kept pace with a rise in rates of divorce and out-of-wedlock pregnancy resulting in the decline of fatherhood.
§ The effect of not having the biological father in the home is devastating to children emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Based on the research findings, a strong case can be made that paternal deprivation has become the most prevalent form of child maltreatment today. Social research traces increased levels of crime and delinquency, premature sexuality and out-of-wedlock pregnancy, the growing rates of child abuse and many other social problems to fatherlessness. Children of divorce and never-married mothers are less successful in life by almost every measure. Even remarriage and step-parenting do not heal the wounds.
§ Fathers contribute unique qualities to parenting and child development. Their special parenting style, highly complementary but different to what mothers do, is important for optimum child rearing. Children have a need for communion--to be included, connected, and related--and for agency--drive for independence, individuality, and self-fulfillment. They obtain "roots" from their mothers, and "wings" from their fathers. Communion and agency are extremely difficult for either a man or a woman alone to combine effectively.
§ Research conclusions include:
Life Without Father
(By David Popenoe, The Free Press, 1996)
KEY POINTS
§ Marriage and the nuclear family are the most universal social institutions in existence. Once sacred and enduring, today marriage is based on the fragile tie of affection for one's mate. A drop in the rate of marriage has kept pace with a rise in rates of divorce and out-of-wedlock pregnancy resulting in the decline of fatherhood.
- The decline of fatherhood is one of the most basic, unexpected, and extraordinary social trends of our time. This decline can be traced to the breakdown of marriage and parenthood. Unlike women, men tend to view marriage and child rearing as a single package. If their marriage deteriorates, their fathering deteriorates.
§ The effect of not having the biological father in the home is devastating to children emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Based on the research findings, a strong case can be made that paternal deprivation has become the most prevalent form of child maltreatment today. Social research traces increased levels of crime and delinquency, premature sexuality and out-of-wedlock pregnancy, the growing rates of child abuse and many other social problems to fatherlessness. Children of divorce and never-married mothers are less successful in life by almost every measure. Even remarriage and step-parenting do not heal the wounds.
§ Fathers contribute unique qualities to parenting and child development. Their special parenting style, highly complementary but different to what mothers do, is important for optimum child rearing. Children have a need for communion--to be included, connected, and related--and for agency--drive for independence, individuality, and self-fulfillment. They obtain "roots" from their mothers, and "wings" from their fathers. Communion and agency are extremely difficult for either a man or a woman alone to combine effectively.
- Sons learn how to be a man from their fathers by identifying and bonding with their fathers. Involved fathers have an enormous impact on the development of masculine character traits, and male responsibility, and achievement; how to be suitably assertive and independent; and how to relate acceptably to the opposite sex. Daughters learn, in ways they cannot from their mothers, how to relate to men; about heterosexual trust, intimacy, and difference; how to appreciate their own femininity; and that they are love worthy.
- Fathers teach children two key character traits: self-control and empathy. People with antisocial and criminal tendencies lack both. The single-mother's predicament to provide effective parenting in this regard is borne out by social science findings. Boys who are father deprived early in life are likely to engage later in rigidly over compensatory masculine behaviors. The incidence of crimes against property and people, including child abuse and family violence, is relatively high in societies where the rearing of young children is considered to be an exclusively female endeavor.
§ Research conclusions include:
- For men, more than for women, marriage and parenthood are strongly interlinked. Men need cultural pressure to stay engaged with their children, and that cultural pressure has long been called marriage.
- Fathers have a unique and irreplaceable role to play in child development. Fathers are not merely would-be mothers. The two sexes are different to the core, and each is necessary—culturally as well as biologically—for the optimal development of a human being.
- The most important and enduring dimension of fathering has to do with a child's feelings. Children need to feel recognized and accepted by their fathers; they need to feel that they are special.
- More than just needing their fathers, children need a committed male and female couple--a mother and a father in a joint partnership—to provide them with dependable and enduring love and attention at least during their growing-up years.
- Biological fathers are more likely to be committed to the upbringing of their own children than are non-biological fathers. Human beings invest more readily in genetically related persons than in non-related persons. Being a father is much more than merely playing a social role. Engaged biological fathers care profoundly and selflessly about their own children, and such fatherly love is not something that can be transferred easily or learned from a script.
