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Do Women Desire Marriage More Than Men?

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Ever since I became aware that my relationship with my Acme Latex Love Doll had become deeply significant and meaningful, I have made frequent and fervent proposals of matrimony to her. To my dismay, she has met every one of my proposals, no matter how ardently made, with profound silence. Her silence perplexes me because I have heard it said through out my life that women desire marriage even more than men do. I would therefore think that If I've come around to being ready to tie the knot, she'd be doubly so. But today I came across a statistic that 90% of divorces are initiated by the woman in a marriage. To my thinking, this statistic contradicts the notion that women desire marriage more than men. Am I right in thinking that the fact 90% of divorces are initiated by women contradicts the notion that women desire marriage more than men? Of the sexes, which do you think desires marriage more: men or women?
 

Quoth The Raven

Half Arsed Muse
I think you might find that women desire weddings more than men do.:p
Marriage is the unfortunate byproduct of weddings and you can't get another wedding until you fill in the paperwork to ditch the first marriage. Therefore, as it's women who are the ones desiring the weddings, they're the ones filling out the paperwork.
That, and men are hopeless when it comes to filling in forms.:D
 

Yerda

Veteran Member
Sunstone said:
To my dismay, she has met every one of my proposals, no matter how ardently made, with profound silence.
I don't think she treats you right Phil. Even if she does consent, she'll divorce you within five years and take half your African slave empire with her. I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you.
 

Yerda

Veteran Member
In my experience women have been the ones who talk about marriage, that and those little noisy things, smell bad, constantly want feeding. I, however, will settle for nothing less than being the trophy husband of a cheese-cake corporation heiress...or heir, cheesecake could force me to re-evaluate my sexuality. :flirt:
 

Mike182

Flaming Queer
in my future relationships, something tells me it will be the male that first talks about marriage........ :biglaugh:
 

standing_alone

Well-Known Member
Do Women Desire Marriage More Than Men?

Hmmm. Well, I don't know how it'd be in my case. I am a woman. I desire a woman and a marriage (stupid sanctity of marriage nonesense:mad: ), but'll probably never get either.:(

I'm so hopeless! :D Yay!
 

standing_alone

Well-Known Member
Well, I don't know how it'd be in my case. I am a woman. I desire a woman and a marriage

Well, after taking a critical look at my situation, I will conclude that in fact, it will be the woman, or a woman, in my relationship (that's granting if I ever have one :D ) who will desire marriage more.
 

Mike182

Flaming Queer
standing_alone said:
Well, after taking a critical look at my situation, I will conclude that in fact, it will be the woman, or a woman, in my relationship (that's granting if I ever have one :D ) who will desire marriage more.

tell ya what, lets give it about 20 years, and if neither of us is married, care to go down the isle? either way, it will still be the woman asking :biglaugh:
 

Flappycat

Well-Known Member
In our culture, "S" for situation, "F" for the female's reaction, and "M" for the male's reaction.


S: The question of marriage comes up after a couple has been together for several years.

F: Wants to commit, can't wait.

M: "But honey, do we really need a marriage? I don't see how it would make any difference!"


S: Spouse has been cheating with another person.

F: Sees the commitment as void. Feels betrayed, discarded. Wants a divorce.

M: "Dorris!%%%%%! How many times have I told you to stay out of other people's beds!%%?"


S: The topic of children comes along.

F: Excited, views as significant.

M: "Dorris, we're doing fine. Why do we need to bring in kids to mix things up?"


S: Woman is pregnant.

F: Excited, views as a turning point.

M: BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


S:
Kids are finally prepared to go to college.

F: Excited, gets out her scrapbook.

M: "But Sugarplum, do you really need to travel all the way to the university in the nearest major city to get your education when there's a community college right down the road? Why don't you just fill out most of your courses there and only go when you need to?"


Conclusion: Men are just afraid of change. That's the only conclusion I can come to. Even after being cheated on by their spouses repeatedly, they don't consider the possibility of divorce. I've heard of men putting up with very abusive and controlling wives for years before they finally broke down and sought divorce and custody of the kids, things that would send a woman to the police within the first month. It's not a matter of men being more tolerant because this is irrelevant: they're just cowards when it comes to making permanent changes. This is, perhaps, one reason that women are so eager to get them tied up in a marriage. Once married and having lived together for a few years, the men are pretty much entrenched and don't want to move.
 

MysticSang'ha

Big Squishy Hugger
Premium Member
Flappycat said:
In our culture, "S" for situation, "F" for the female's reaction, and "M" for the male's reaction.


S: The question of marriage comes up after a couple has been together for several years.

F: Wants to commit, can't wait.

M: "But honey, do we really need a marriage? I don't see how it would make any difference!"


S: Spouse has been cheating with another person.

F: Sees the commitment as void. Feels betrayed, discarded. Wants a divorce.

M: "Dorris!%%%%%! How many times have I told you to stay out of other people's beds!%%?"


S: The topic of children comes along.

F: Excited, views as significant.

M: "Dorris, we're doing fine. Why do we need to bring in kids to mix things up?"


S: Woman is pregnant.

F: Excited, views as a turning point.

M: BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


S: Kids are finally prepared to go to college.

F: Excited, gets out her scrapbook.

M: "But Sugarplum, do you really need to travel all the way to the university in the nearest major city to get your education when there's a community college right down the road? Why don't you just fill out most of your courses there and only go when you need to?"


Conclusion: Men are just afraid of change. That's the only conclusion I can come to. Even after being cheated on by their spouses repeatedly, they don't consider the possibility of divorce. I've heard of men putting up with very abusive and controlling wives for years before they finally broke down and sought divorce and custody of the kids, things that would send a woman to the police within the first month. It's not a matter of men being more tolerant because this is irrelevant: they're just cowards when it comes to making permanent changes. This is, perhaps, one reason that women are so eager to get them tied up in a marriage. Once married and having lived together for a few years, the men are pretty much entrenched and don't want to move.



I have to chuckle at some of these conversations because I think they're just.........so........true. :)




In my experience, it was my husband who was chasing and chasing and wanting a marriage, and it was me who was telling him to wait longer - I needed to see first if we worked well together as a couple. Do we get things done better together than if we did the same things seperately? Do we accept each others' differences? Do we share the same values on money, raising children, and communication? You know, stuff like that.




He has always been the idealist in our marriage while I have been the pragmatist. ;)




I think that women want to have the say in when to get married, and not just for having the ample time and resources in planning the Cinderella wedding. I have observed men fearing change, yes, but probably because I have observed men to be single-minded (not simple-minded), and relax when they only have to think about one thing at a time, especially in a linear fashion (first comes step A, then comes step B, then comes step C, etc.).





Tunnel-vision. It's very handy. My husband has it, and it's utilized often with great results until I give him the news that I'd like to re-decorate our living room.





Peace,
Mystic
 

robtex

Veteran Member
I don't think one gender wants marriage over another in straight percentages, or by any signifigant margin. However, what each percieves marriage to be is another ballgame. I have noticed a lot of woman who want to be married one day, are thinking marriage to be kids, a pet and a owned home. While I know men who think this way too, it doesn't seem to be as prevelant and if a man is thinking marriage it is because he really likes the woman he is with. He isn't as apt to think about 5 years down the road, kids and owning a home together.

That difference may have to do with a woman's biological drive to have and nurture children. There are probably more differences too but ones that aren't as standard across the board. In the USA, if I remember correctly, about 50 % of marriages are later divorces and from personal observation about 1/2 of ongoing marriages aren't anything to write home about.

From the ones that appeared successful it seems the goals needs and wants of the couple were similar and talked out before or early on in the marriage (I can't verify the timing), and indivduality is not sacrificed in the union. Woman may be more vocal than men about marriage and culturally in the USA, seem to want to marry somewhat younger than men, but not more apt than men to want marriage.
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
Sunstone said:
Ever since I became aware that my relationship with my Acme Latex Love Doll had become deeply significant and meaningful, I have made frequent and fervent proposals of matrimony to her. To my dismay, she has met every one of my proposals, no matter how ardently made, with profound silence. Her silence perplexes me because I have heard it said through out my life that women desire marriage even more than men do. I would therefore think that If I've come around to being ready to tie the knot, she'd be doubly so. But today I came across a statistic that 90% of divorces are initiated by the woman in a marriage. To my thinking, this statistic contradicts the notion that women desire marriage more than men. Am I right in thinking that the fact 90% of divorces are initiated by women contradicts the notion that women desire marriage more than men? Of the sexes, which do you think desires marriage more: men or women?

She is probably just playing "The silent part"; you haven't yet asked her the right way......... Please, Phil, don't let her feel deflated by your inept wooing.........:(

I think she is probably dying to marry you; you just need to know which way to approach her..........(especially with no sharp objects about your person)...........
Actually, I did find this extract from an article here:-

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-3705.html

Truth be known, most men want the same thing from their mates that their wives are looking for in their husbands. They want to be understood by them, even if it means understanding themselves first. There is plenty of evidence that men want and need marriage as much as women do and are willing to learn new dance steps. Just put them in bullet points, and let us lead sometimes.
 

mrscardero

Kal-El's Mama
Sunstone said:
Ever since I became aware that my relationship with my Acme Latex Love Doll had become deeply significant and meaningful, I have made frequent and fervent proposals of matrimony to her. To my dismay, she has met every one of my proposals, no matter how ardently made, with profound silence. Her silence perplexes me because I have heard it said through out my life that women desire marriage even more than men do. I would therefore think that If I've come around to being ready to tie the knot, she'd be doubly so. But today I came across a statistic that 90% of divorces are initiated by the woman in a marriage. To my thinking, this statistic contradicts the notion that women desire marriage more than men. Am I right in thinking that the fact 90% of divorces are initiated by women contradicts the notion that women desire marriage more than men? Of the sexes, which do you think desires marriage more: men or women?

It's ok Phil. She'll come around. You can't rush these things. She still needs to get to know you better that's all.

When she no longer creaks and squeaks during acts of passion, then you should start worrying. But we are here for you sweety.
 

mrscardero

Kal-El's Mama
During both my marriages, I never gave the men any inclination that I wanted to marry. They took it upon themselves to ask. My first marriage, I was proposed to during the same question as, "Are you doing laundry?" and squeezed in, "Will you marry me?" Didn't hear the last question and he thought I was answering the second question with a Yes :biglaugh: .

My second marriage of course with cardero, was due to our expected son. Health coverage is better when you are married. I would have been fine being together. He asked me while I was peeling potatoes to make mashed potatoes.

Where's the flowers, romantic dinner, and diamond ring? Nah...I don't need that stuff. I am happy just to be with the person I love. Marriage to me is just to let everyone know, "You are now Mrs. Cardero. Your car insurance will be lower, you will have a home to call your own instead of living at home with your parents or struggling to survive on your own, you are the wife."

Things happen sometimes to have marriage happen.

The leading cause of divorce is not because women desire marriage more than men. It's sometimes not knowing the person enough or have understanding. There are rules to being married. Ones you are married, you are with that one person until you choose not to be with them anymore (Divorce). Unless you have understanding of how the marriage will be. If you are just with that person without the "I Do", you can just say, "It's not working." and just walk away. You can even stay friends.
 

Faint

Well-Known Member
"Do women desire marriage more than men?" This is a good question. I would say yes, overall. In the case of heterosexuals, women seem wired to seek commitment from a man who will help support and raise her kids. This instinct is obvious in the fact that women are more concerned about their mate's status/income than men are. That whole, "oooOOOOoo...he's a doctor" or "look at the RING he bought me" and so on. I'm not sayin' she's a gold-digger... but generally women have more to gain from a marriage than a man does, especially considering divorce rates. If there are no prenups involved, women are usually the ones who profit from alimony.

A lot of this might also depend on the age of the people in question. I think that women begin thinking (dreaming?) about their wedding day at a much younger age than men. And they tend to start really considering marriage in their early to mid twenties. Once their youthful beauty starts to disappear, women fear being left on the shelf and dying as old maids, so they start bringing up the subject of marriage to their boyfriends. If that doesn't work, and they break-up, then these ladies start dating more guys with that marriage possibility in the back of their mind. By the time they hit their thirties, the pressure really sets in on all those single chicks, and they start wearing more make-up to hide the lines, and compromising more in the dating scene. At this point, they also might seriously consider using dating websites or personals since guys no longer approach them in person as they are too busy chasing the younger, hotter 18-26 year olds.

Meanwhile, the guys fend off marriage for as long as possible. Some think they can do better than the girl they're with. They might dream about hooking a Playmate or model trophy wife, or see themselves making tons of money and living like a rock star with an endless line of model-hot vixens trying to break down their door. Some guys might just enjoy the bachelor scene (and sex with a variety of singles) so much that marriage doesn't seem necessary. I've noticed this wears off when the guy gets into his late thirties, realizes he's not cool as he once might have been, and/or he never became rich or a movie star like he wanted. Reality sets in, and he starts to consider marriage to an average woman (or below average, depending on his own value in the social market) as acceptable because he doesn't want to be alone either.

Exceptions to these rules seem to be religious types who see a service to god or whatever in their union, like "we may not be right for each other, but we can make it work", OR they don't allow themselves to have sex UNTIL marriage, so they marry younger. This can apply to males or females. Another execption includes guys with low self-esteem who want to marry the first chick who shows interest in him or says she loves him, maybe his first sexual experience. I've seen this happen a lot.

But overall, marriage is female driven. Definitely.
 

Draka

Wonder Woman
I may be odd, but I don't want to get married again. I've been proposed to seriously 7 times...married twice. I certainly didn't jump at the thought of marriage every time it was brought up. In fact...four of those 7 times were from the same man! Never did say yes to him. Now with the first marriage being destroyed by abuse and the second by rage and anger problems...both on the side of my exes...I find the idea of marriage antiquated. You make a promise to stay with someone as if you can foresee the future and if it does fail it is harder to get the marriage undone than it was to get married. Divorce is more troubling than planning and paying for a wedding anyday. If that's the way it's planned to keep marriages together it sucks. I'll stick to the concept of handfasting. It makes far more sense to me.

In all, I don't think that it is women who want marriage more than men...since it is the man doing the proposing most of the times. A woman loves the idea and the compliment of a man loving her so much he'd want to commit to her...but all in all it is mainly the man who proposes and chases the woman...at least in my personal experience.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
How do you reconcile your view that marriage is female driven with the fact that 90% of divorces are inititated by women, Faint?

Questions for everyone:

If 90% of divorces are inititated by women, what do you think this says about the suitablity of marriage for women? Is there some aspect of marriage that just doesn't sit well with women? People as diverse as fundamentalist preachers and evolutionary biologists all tell us that marriage is a good deal for women: are they wrong?
 
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