Death of loved one

[yoda89]

As an atheist how do you deal with a loss of a loved one?

 

[Fraleyight]

Do you mean how do we comfort those around us or how do we personally accept it?

 

[yoda89]

How do you personally accept it?

 

[Aasimar]

My mother died when I was fourteen, and dealing with that was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I cried, I grieved, and I comforted everyone who knew her. It has been sixteen years since then, and being an Atheist, I have no belief in an afterlife (though that is not a universal stance among atheists.). I do take comfort in my belief that she can feel no more pain, and that the pain of her loss that I carry will also disappear once I'm gone. She was a wonderful human being, and I will always miss her dearly, but as they say, "Nothing gold can stay."

 

[Fraleyight]

I personally have had no one close to me die. I do not understand why there being an afterlife would necessarily comfort me tho. Especially considering most religions do have some sort of punishment after death if you did not "follow the rules" the thought of eternal punishment would bother me more than the thought of this person no longer existing.

Plus who would really want to live forever? I would imagine even the best paradise would get boring after so long.

I think the important thing is remembering why you loved this person and what they did that left an impact on you.

 

[Titanic]

I am not an atheist. I did feel like I should reply though, me being an Agnostic. Honestly I do not think anyone could get over a loss of a loved one. We grieve for life.

 

[Gjallarhorn]

As an atheist how do you deal with a loss of a loved one?

I live on, carrying their memory and lessons in my mind to hopefully better myself and others.

 

[Yerda]

Grief is the same for theists and atheists.

 

[Penumbra]

My father died earlier this year. I was pretty close to him.

I just kind of dealt with it, and let myself experience the sadness. He lived into his seventies, finished two successful careers, and was a good father, friend and neighbor. He was sick and in pain for many years and was ready to go, so when the time came, I missed him and still do, but I viewed it more positively than negatively, because he was finally free of suffering.

Individuals are different, and situations are different, so people will deal with it differently. I think it's easier to deal with the death of an older person who lived a long life and was ready to go, then to deal with an unexpected death, or the death of a child.

 

[lunakilo]

As an atheist how do you deal with a loss of a loved one?

How do you personally accept it?

I assume you mean what thoughts I have about death that makes it possible to deal with the emotions?

Because technically you don't really have any other option that to accept it. You can't walk around and tell yourself that the person really isn't dead can you.
So you accept it.
I mean, you may cry and be sad and wish that person was still here, but no amount of yelling/screaming/crying/wishing is going to make it so.
So in the end all you can do is accept that it is so.

So what thoughts go through my head you ask...
Personally I tend to think about what effects that person had on the world around him/her while alive. Did that person make a difference to anyone.
It is like, people leave big footprints that are still there after they are gone.
The fact that they are not here anymore does not mean that the effects of their lives and their deeds have disappeared.

My father died when I was 7 years old (I just turned 40).
He is gone, but his effects on the world is not.
I mean I am here for one thing
In those 7 years we did share he also taught me many things that I still know.
He taught me to laugh. My mother was always the serious one, my father was the one who would start silly tickle fights and make the whole family laugh.
He loved the outdoors and often took me walking by the sea. Every time I walk by the sea I remember him. I love the sea and often bring my own children when I go for a walk there.
Lots of little things like that.

It comforts me that even though people are not around anymore the effects of them having been here are still very much around.

 

[Monk Of Reason]

I deal with it the way I deal with many other things. I go thruogh the 5 stages of grief and hopefully move on. This strikes me as very relavent for me as a very beloved grandfather of mine just died a few weeks ago. Everyone else in my family is fairly religious and I have felt extra lonely in my grief because I cannot talk with them about my feelings as they drag Jesus into the mix. I see how they find peace in it but I also find peace in my views in a strange strange way.

For my grandfather specifically my knowledge that he existed and what he really represented for me and the rest of my family helped me through. At the root it just comes with acceptance. The same as any other person or ideology. I have to simply accept that he has died.

 

[Badran]

I've only been an atheist for like a year or so, but a loved one died recently, and my views in that situation were of course different to when a loved one died more back in time, when i was a theist. The person who died was very old, more than 90 years old, so that's the first thing i took comfort in. He got a longer life than most people, and for most of it, he was in relatively decent health. Of course, as he got older his health got worse, and he did suffer from some things, but overall it still wasn't terrible.

During the last year, he was mostly in severe depression and had a serious struggle to do very elementary things, but even there he handled it decently. During the last week, he suffered a lot, but i was with him the whole time and we actually laughed about a lot of things. Even about the possibility of him dying. Looking at the person's life and whether or not they had a good one, did the things they wanted to do and so on can also be helpful, and it was in this case. This was relatively easy to handle, in comparison to other scenarios of death. I could see good things to appreciate the luck he had in, had time to prepare for the idea of him dying, and got the chance to get extremely close to him in the last moments.

In cases where none of the above is present, and the person is feeling overwhelmed, i'd seriously consider getting professional help in accepting and dealing with the death in question. It hasn't happened to me yet, and i hope that it doesn't, but if it did and if it happened to somebody else around me, i'd consider or advice professional help as a first thought. It's not that i think it can't be dealt with, some people would be able to, and others would deal with it eventually. But the thing about this kind of death is that it comes with the risk of seriously changing one's life in the long run, it can have very serious effects. So, i'd always be thinking of professional help as an option, unless i felt i was in a good grip of the situation.

 

[yoda89]

My father died earlier this year. I was pretty close to him.

I just kind of dealt with it, and let myself experience the sadness. He lived into his seventies, finished two successful careers, and was a good father, friend and neighbor. He was sick and in pain for many years and was ready to go, so when the time came, I missed him and still do, but I viewed it more positively than negatively, because he was finally free of suffering.

Individuals are different, and situations are different, so people will deal with it differently. I think it's easier to deal with the death of an older person who lived a long life and was ready to go, then to deal with an unexpected death, or the death of a child.

I am sorry for your loss. The death of a loved one is very difficult.

 

[Luke Morningstar]

As an atheist how do you deal with a loss of a loved one?

By seeing that there is an afterlife.

I mean, I tell stories. If I tell positive stories of loved ones, I will strengthen or create positive memories. If I tell hurtful stories, I might strengthen bitterness and hatred. Some people need one, some need the other, and it can be the same person.

Our lives have impacts long after we are gone. We touch everyone in our lives, we change them. And when we are remembered, we continue to change them.

This force is so powerful, we can remember people who never existed, like Jesus or Obi-Wan Kenobi, and they can provide us new insights.

So, talk about them. Remember what you learned from them. Remember what you loved about them. Help other people remember. Keep them alive as long as you need to, and forgive them as much as you can, and forgive yourself for the things you never got to say.

Also, we have a ton of psychological information and understanding. It helps to read, and it really helps to talk to a therapist (especially an expressive arts therapist if you have strong emotions)

 

[Michael Colton]

As an atheist how do you deal with a loss of a loved one?

I am not quite sure what you mean by 'deal with' the loss. Death of a loved one has a certain level of emotional loss associated with it and you learn to cope with it over time. I spend a little time memorializing and thinking of them and preparing myself emotionally for their discontinued existence, but then I move on - just like anyone else would.