Dear Revoltingest

[Vinayaka]

Dear Revoltingest: I have a problem. I appreciate your knowledgeble advice, as it seems to be direct and to the point, well rounded, whimsical, not too harsh, (blah blah blah) So my question is on questioning. What types of questions should I (and perhaps others) be asking in order to best use your valuable time? Are there any particular areas of concern that you have not addressed? Besides bacon, what exactly is your interest or expertise? It appears that this forum is already filled to the brim with religious folk, so that seems already covered by the best minds such a forum can attract. What else?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest: I have a problem. I appreciate your knowledgeble advice, as it seems to be direct and to the point, well rounded, whimsical, not too harsh, (blah blah blah) So my question is on questioning. What types of questions should I (and perhaps others) be asking in order to best use your valuable time? Are there any particular areas of concern that you have not addressed? Besides bacon, what exactly is your interest or expertise? It appears that this forum is already filled to the brim with religious folk, so that seems already covered by the best minds such a forum can attract. What else?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your meta-question. I have no specialization, being a renaissance man....OK, I'm really a dilettante.
So I am highly unfamiliar & unskilled with a great breadth & variety of fields. Thus, you may ask questions of any
nature, but I advise all to address those which are of general interest. Let's steer clear of probabilistic systems
analysis, rheology, product development, or history of machine tools....instead, I & my dear readers would like
questions about love, sex, ethics, family, child rearing, jobs, politics, beauty & fashion.

 

[Vinayaka]

Dear Revoltingest: Thank you. I shall endeavor to follow the suggestions then. Not much point in asking unanswerable questions in a field where one has no familiarity. Hence:

As I am an astute yet occasionally olfactory hampered vegetarian, is there any quick and reliable way to determine the genuineness of bacon bits? I can eat the fake ones.

 

[Vinayaka]

Dear Revoltingest: As an arthritic and ailing oldster, yet still capable in the well you know.. the ummm.. 'down there' area, what quantity would you deem as healthy, within a range of course. Will decreased or increased activity in the 'down there' area have any effect on the arthritis?

 

[Vinayaka]

Dear Revoltingest: Since I am retired and now only surviving on a minimalist pension, with Canuckistan government slowly withdrawing that, and my hatred for all things of a large corporate nature, is there any other occupation I can take up besides a WalMart greeter? I'm open to any and all suggestions, although I doubt that I could now get any decent referrals from former employees, as I did speak my mind on those last days of employment, cynical and accurate as it was.

 

[Vinayaka]

Dear Revoltingest: I have no interest in fashion or beauty, either in myself, or upon or within, or attached to others, other than the beauty of the sound of wood on a well hit baseball. Is that an indicator of any mental malady?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest: As an arthritic and ailing oldster, yet still capable in the well you know.. the ummm.. 'down there' area, what quantity would you deem as healthy, within a range of course. Will decreased or increased activity in the 'down there' area have any effect on the arthritis?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your intimate question. A healthy frequency is whatever suits your wants.
Doing the nasty will have no effect upon your arthritis except for some temporary stiffness.

 

[Vinayaka]

Dear reader,
Thank you for your intimate question. A healthy frequency is whatever suits your wants.
Doing the nasty will have no effect upon your arthritis except for some temporary stiffness.

Dear Revoltingest: Thank you for that. I shall continue then. The temporary stiffness you alluded to seems to rather quickly dissipate on its own accord. Its too bad some medical genius couldn't capture this magic and use it on my shoulders, ankles, knees, fingers, elbows, and lower back. Sleeping with bent knee seems to especially irritate the muscles behind the knees, whatever they're called. I am more prone to ailments on the right side. Does that have to do with the left brain right brain theory some twisted can't make up their minds guys think?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest: Thank you for that. I shall continue then. The temporary stiffness you alluded to seems to rather quickly dissipate on its own accord. Its too bad some medical genius couldn't capture this magic and use it on my shoulders, ankles, knees, fingers, elbows, and lower back. Sleeping with bent knee seems to especially irritate the muscles behind the knees, whatever they're called. I am more prone to ailments on the right side. Does that have to do with the left brain right brain theory some twisted can't make up their minds guys think?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your follow up query. You may use this method on many body parts, although the limbering effect is not efficacious.
Left side vs right side maladies are often related to political affiliation. I recommend voting Libertarian.

 

[Draka]

Dear Revoltingest,

I have been pretty arachnophobic for the vast majority of my life. While I can cope okay with small to medium sized spiders now for the most part, any large ones in sight or any that get on me will completely freak me out. The more there are, the worse I am. Case in point, I once walked out of my parents' house and it had gotten dark while I was there and spiders had come out...the whole front of their house was covered with spiders. Easily 40 to 50 rather large spiders. I stepped outside and froze. I literally could not move. My mother had to physically pull me back into the house and set me on their stairs while she went out and went nuts with her broom. (She figured they must have sprung up while they were on vacation as this was their first day back) It was several minutes later before I started shaking and hyperventilating. I cannot handle spiders well. That all explained...

I have just found a good-sized spider under my kitchen sink. That by itself wouldn't be so very bad but add on top of that she's made an impressive web spanning near the majority of the space under there AND has two large egg sacs she's closely guarding and I think you'll find my dilemma. I don't want to kill her or her sacs, but I certainly don't want them hatching under my sink and have no idea how to remove them. Any suggestions?

-Arachnophobe about to be swarmed with baby spiders

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
I have been pretty arachnophobic for the vast majority of my life. While I can cope okay with small to medium sized spiders now for the most part, any large ones in sight or any that get on me will completely freak me out. The more there are, the worse I am. Case in point, I once walked out of my parents' house and it had gotten dark while I was there and spiders had come out...the whole front of their house was covered with spiders. Easily 40 to 50 rather large spiders. I stepped outside and froze. I literally could not move. My mother had to physically pull me back into the house and set me on their stairs while she went out and went nuts with her broom. (She figured they must have sprung up while they were on vacation as this was their first day back) It was several minutes later before I started shaking and hyperventilating. I cannot handle spiders well. That all explained...
I have just found a good-sized spider under my kitchen sink. That by itself wouldn't be so very bad but add on top of that she's made an impressive web spanning near the majority of the space under there AND has two large egg sacs she's closely guarding and I think you'll find my dilemma. I don't want to kill her or her sacs, but I certainly don't want them hatching under my sink and have no idea how to remove them. Any suggestions?
-Arachnophobe about to be swarmed with baby spiders

Dear Arachnophobe,
Thank you for your question about 8-legged anxiety. Fear of spiders, like fear of snakes & heights, is a normal human condition,
likely resulting from eons of human evolution, wherein we survived by being sensitive to danger. But for some, this fear rises to
a level which interferes with ordinary activity. Clearly, you would benefit by replacing fear of spiders with a mere healthy respect.
If you can afford it, I recommend seeing a professional therapist who deals with phobias. Typically, it's treated with cognitive
behavioral techniques (eg, gradual desensitivization) & medication to curb anxiety or depression. But there are also informational
& self-help sites on the internet.
What Is a Phobia - Definition of Anxiety and Phobias
Arachnophobia and Spider Fears - Fear of Spiders
p - ALTERNATIVE AND MENTAL HEALTH SELF HELP

Here is an interesting example of an arachnophobe's life changing therapy....
[youtube]co7BWWoF-5I[/youtube]
Treating Arachnophobia - YouTube

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear readers,
Spiders serve a useful role in the natural world, keeping insect pests at bay.
Here is a short documentary about our friend, the wood spider, whose life
& problems are not all that different from our own.....
[youtube]hSiXERe0QKE[/youtube]
The Wood Spider - YouTube

 

[Draka]

Dear Revoltingest,

Thank you for your response, however I was actually more wondering along the lines of if you have any suggestions as to how one such as myself would go about having the spiders removed. I don't think therapy is going to be quick enough before the eggs hatch and I don't think therapy will cover how to safely transport spider egg sacs and the mother without killing them.

-Thanks again

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Thank you for your response, however I was actually more wondering along the lines of if you have any suggestions as to how one such as myself would go about having the spiders removed. I don't think therapy is going to be quick enough before the eggs hatch and I don't think therapy will cover how to safely transport spider egg sacs and the mother without killing them.
-Thanks again

Dear reader,
Thank you for your clarification. I still recommend seeking relief from the phobia, but now understand your short term need.
Find a man. Real men can handle scary & icky things when needed. Since men are prone to killing things, be clear about your
desire to save the babies. Of course, some things can be too scary & icky for men, eg, the feelings of crying women.

 

[Wirey]

Dear Revoltingest,

Why am I sooooo fantastic?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Why am I sooooo fantastic?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your question, one which vexes so many. Some might ask, why is it problematic to be fantastic? The problem is that a vast majority
of people are so very far below average. They bank our money, cook our food, run our countries, sell us extended warranties & can't be bothered to
show up for their free VIP seats at the Olympics. When you are compared to these vast unwashed masses, how could you not be fantastic?

 

[elmarna]

Dear Revoltingest ?,
Why is there air? And is it true that the answer to the question -which came first the chicken or the egg? Is - neither?
I am sorry pigs fear you. I think it is because they are wanting to hold onto their bacon !!! If not that ; then, perhaps they are selfish.
On that note - any advice you want to add will be warmly accepted!
Keep on truckin

 

[Draka]

Dear Revoltingest,

How did I sprain my wrist? I was drinking my coffee this morning and as I lifted my mug I felt pain radiate through my wrist and it is most definitely sprained yet I have no idea what I did to hurt it. I thought perhaps, in your great wisdom, you might know what it was I did to injure myself.

The pained typist

 

[Me Myself]

Dear revoltingest.

My purpose of the month was to get abs. Well, it was my purpose to have then by end of the month.

so now I am only a day from having to have reached it... and I haven´t u.u

I did lost 9cms of waist, but I am still looking at the mirror waiting for them to magically appear in front of me, with that "yeah! we are a six pack! OF MUSCLE!" attitude, but they just don´t u.u .

I keep seeing exercise for defined abs and have been feeling them more in my exercise lately, so I do think I am in the right track but...

I already have the willingness to expand this to the last day of following month, but how do I deal with my failed first objective?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest ?,
Why is there air? And is it true that the answer to the question -which came first the chicken or the egg? Is - neither?
I am sorry pigs fear you. I think it is because they are wanting to hold onto their bacon !!! If not that ; then, perhaps they are selfish.
On that note - any advice you want to add will be warmly accepted!
Keep on truckin

Dear reader,
Thank you for your plethora of questions. In the future, I'd prefer a single question, or a group of closely related questions. It helps the flow of the column.

We have air because of a combination of conditions:
- Enuf gravity to support an atmosphere.
- A magnetic field, which diverts the solar wind, keeping it from sweeping our air off into the void.

I have 2 answers regarding whether the chicken or egg came first.
#1 - In a long series of evolving birds, no 2 birds will likely be separate species.
So there will be no single point at which we have a non-chicken spawning a chicken.
#2 - The egg came first. If we imagine a single point in time when a bird's offspring
was just different enuf to be a separate species. The offspring came from an egg.
You may pick whichever answer suits you.