Crybaby

[crossfire]

I have a problem with folk saying as long as it's not dramatic. I have autism. This means I have meltdowns. It's very hard stopping from having a meltdown when they occur. I also am not always in control during. The only way to stop one while they are occuring is to shut down and that sometimes can put me in a catatonic state. And sometimes what triggers a meltdown seems like such a small thing to neurotypicals some folk have stated "It's not that serious.". Also just cuz the crying seems outta portion to what you see- it might not be. It might seem like no big deal to you but clearly it is to that person who knows they might have emotional dysregulation which comes commonly with many disorders or they might have trauma and said mild thing triggered it and you think it was mild cuz you don't know about said trauma. Then there's temper tandrums. Sure if it's a kid they could be trying to manipulate you. But kids have a hard time with emotional regulation. Very mild things such as taking a toy away so they can go eat dinner or something can cause them to get emotional and they may act out and have a temper tandrum cuz of it. With adults there also could be reasons for said temper tandrum. The thing is knowing the reason behind the behavior is important. Yeah sometimes it's ridiculous not going to lie. Some things dont need a tempertandrum like a person throwing one cuz they made a racist comment and didn't like they got called out on it or throwing a plate at a wall cuz you the president and don't like the TV. But other times again there's a reason why humans throw temper tantrums and you can't always just immediately be like don't do that instead you'd need to know why they expressing emotion in such way before judging them it's a form of communication behavior is. And they probably will need to learn if they throwing stuff how to express emotion better and how to regulate emotions better maybe need a therapist.

As for crying just for attention and such may be there's an unmet need there. That person may also need help or maybe they are in serious pain. I can't judge them for that without knowing why they want that attention.

An example of dramatically crying in order to manipulate someone that is not ok: someone parks their car in a handicap spot without a permit and gets their car towed. Then they dramatically cry in order to try to get someone else to pay for their tow bill. Not OK.

 

[VoidCat]

An example of dramatically crying in order to manipulate someone that is not ok: someone parks their car in a handicap spot without a permit and gets their car towed. Then they dramatically cry in order to try to get someone else to pay for their tow bill. Not OK.

That i agree with. But see when I hear someone say dont cry dramatically or manipulate folk im not thinking of examples like that. I'm thinking of all the times I've had a meltdown due to sensory overload or emotional dysregulation and someone say it's not that serious or that im having a temper tantrum for no reason when it's not a tempertandrum. Or they say im being maniplulative. Im thinking of all those times I have trouble trying to get my emotional needs met cuz of my previous trauma because I feel me asking for reassurance or something is attention seeking not ok and that it makes me a burden and a terrible person. I'm thinking of all those times I was told growing up that im being dramatic. Im thinking of how folk punish kids for tempertandrums instead of understanding the reasons behind it.

Can someone be manipulating someone and do things like in your example and that not be ok? Sure. But cuz there wasn't much of a specification in the comments here I felt the need to add my two cents. I couldn't not stand by and not put my thoughts on here on crying and being dramatic in good conscience.

 

[crossfire]

That i agree with. But see when I hear someone say dont cry dramatically or manipulate folk im not thinking of examples like that. I'm thinking of all the times I've had a meltdown due to sensory overload or emotional dysregulation and someone say it's not that serious or that im having a temper tantrum for no reason when it's not a tempertandrum. Or they say im being maniplulative. Im thinking of all those times I have trouble trying to get my emotional needs met cuz of my previous trauma because I feel me asking for reassurance or something is attention seeking not ok and that it makes me a burden and a terrible person. I'm thinking of all those times I was told growing up that im being dramatic. Im thinking of how folk punish kids for tempertandrums instead of understanding the reasons behind it.

Can someone be manipulating someone and do things like in your example and that not be ok? Sure. But cuz there wasn't much of a specification in the comments here I felt the need to add my two cents. I couldn't not stand by and not put my thoughts on here on crying and being dramatic in good conscience.

When it comes to kids and temper tantrums, imo, the way to go is not punishing the tantrum, but not rewarding it either. Let them go through it without making a big deal about it. Do what you need to do to keep them and others safe, but do nothing that might be construed as any type of reward.

 

[VoidCat]

When it comes to kids and temper tantrums, imo, the way to go is not punishing the tantrum, but not rewarding it either. Let them go through it without making a big deal about it. Do what you need to do to keep them and others safe, but do nothing that might be construed as any type of reward.

I'll keep that in mind. Personally I been meaning to look up on how to deal with those according to science since I plan on working at a daycare im sure I'll deal with that a lot. I do know it's mostly an emotional dysregulation issue and sometime a learning moral reasoning issue(kids have to learn morals and they do that through being buttholes sometimes like they might try to say another kid stole from them when they didnt and cry as a result to get said item they want. This isn't cuz they being bad it's cuz they have yet to learn morals this is part of human development and it's up to the adults to teach them.)...im sure there's some great techniques to dealing with this issue i can find online that keeps child development in mind.

 

[crossfire]

When it comes to kids and temper tantrums, imo, the way to go is not punishing the tantrum, but not rewarding it either. Let them go through it without making a big deal about it. Do what you need to do to keep them and others safe, but do nothing that might be construed as any type of reward.

Any type of unacceptable harmful behavior they do out of anger should be dealt with as if they did it when they were not angry. Anger can't be an excuse to get away with such things. Emphasis should be on making things right after the anger passes.

 

[VoidCat]

Any type of unacceptable harmful behavior they do out of anger should be dealt with as if they did it when they were not angry. Anger can't be an excuse to get away with such things.

Yes. But there also needs to be an understanding the kid hasn't learned emotional regulation yet and there needs to be a way to help teach them that as well while teaching them actions have consquences

 

[JustGeorge]

I have a problem with folk saying as long as it's not dramatic. I have autism. This means I have meltdowns. It's very hard stopping from having a meltdown when they occur. I also am not always in control during. The only way to stop one while they are occuring is to shut down and that sometimes can put me in a catatonic state. And sometimes what triggers a meltdown seems like such a small thing to neurotypicals some folk have stated "It's not that serious.". Also just cuz the crying seems outta portion to what you see- it might not be. It might seem like no big deal to you but clearly it is to that person who knows they might have emotional dysregulation which comes commonly with many disorders or they might have trauma and said mild thing triggered it and you think it was mild cuz you don't know about said trauma. Then there's temper tandrums. Sure if it's a kid they could be trying to manipulate you. But kids have a hard time with emotional regulation. Very mild things such as taking a toy away so they can go eat dinner or something can cause them to get emotional and they may act out and have a temper tandrum cuz of it. With adults there also could be reasons for said temper tandrum. The thing is knowing the reason behind the behavior is important. Yeah sometimes it's ridiculous not going to lie. Some things dont need a tempertandrum like a person throwing one cuz they made a racist comment and didn't like they got called out on it or throwing a plate at a wall cuz you the president and don't like the TV. But other times again there's a reason why humans throw temper tantrums and you can't always just immediately be like don't do that instead you'd need to know why they expressing emotion in such way before judging them it's a form of communication behavior is. And they probably will need to learn if they throwing stuff how to express emotion better and how to regulate emotions better maybe need a therapist.

As for crying just for attention and such may be there's an unmet need there. That person may also need help or maybe they are in serious pain. I can't judge them for that without knowing why they want that attention.

When I wrote what I did, I had a person in mind that would disrespect my boundaries, and when I would get mad would go to my husband and say "look how mean [legal name] is! She has made me cry!" (she refused to use my preferred name). That is an inappropriate way to use crying, in my opinion.

As for someone(a stranger) crying in public, I tend to not mind myself with it; its not my business. I assume they have a valid reason for it.

I'll keep that in mind. Personally I been meaning to look up on how to deal with those according to science since I plan on working at a daycare im sure I'll deal with that a lot. I do know it's mostly an emotional dysregulation issue and sometime a learning moral reasoning issue(kids have to learn morals and they do that through being buttholes sometimes like they might try to say another kid stole from them when they didnt and cry as a result to get said item they want. This isn't cuz they being bad it's cuz they have yet to learn morals this is part of human development and it's up to the adults to teach them.)...im sure there's some great techniques to dealing with this issue i can find online that keeps child development in mind.

I have found there is no one size fits all with tantrums. It varies from kid to kid, and even tantrum to tantrum. I would handle a tantrum due to overstimulation much different than a tantrum about not getting more ice cream.

 

[VoidCat]

When I wrote what I did, I had a person in mind that would disrespect my boundaries, and when I would get mad would go to my husband and say "look how mean [legal name] is! She has made me cry!" (she refused to use my preferred name). That is an inappropriate way to use crying, in my opinion.

As for someone(a stranger) crying in public, I tend to not mind myself with it; its not my business. I assume they have a valid reason for it.

I mightve just over thought things with what i wrote plus it was early i think when I read everything.

I have found there is no one size fits all with tantrums. It varies from kid to kid, and even tantrum to tantrum. I would handle a tantrum due to overstimulation much different than a tantrum about not getting more ice cream

This is good to know and keep in mind

 

[JustGeorge]

I mightve just over thought things with what i wrote plus it was early i think when I read everything.

I understand. I write a lot different when I'm waking up.

 

[VoidCat]

I understand. I write a lot different when I'm waking up.

Yeah i read everything at like 3 am then I stayed awake past that time till it was 7 then i decided to reply. Didnt reread stuff till after i replied

 

[Sand Dancer]

Do you cry? Do you feel it's socially acceptable to cry? For women? For men? Both?

If it's more socially acceptable for one gender to cry in public than another, why?

We have emotions, so why would it be wrong to express them, as long as they are not hurting anyone else?

 

[Vinayaka]

It's okay to cry. Expressing emotions is very healthy. Regardless of gender.

It's also okay not to cry. I have been accused of being a heartless twit at funerals.

 

[Ashoka]

It's also okay not to cry. I have been accused of being a heartless twit at funerals.

Yes, that's very true. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways.

 

[SomeRandom]

Do you cry? Do you feel it's socially acceptable to cry? For women? For men? Both?

If it's more socially acceptable for one gender to cry in public than another, why?

Personally I think crying is something healthy to express very strong emotions and we as a society should not shame anyone who needs a good cry every now and then.
But I think society does shame folks for crying, particularly men (though that is changing.) And I think that is very detrimental for men overall. Because it tells them that they should not be allowed to express very strong emotions and instead keep it all bottled up.
I don’t think that’s a healthy message to send.

Incidentally I just came across an article on a recent football match, somewhat related to this. In a recent AFL (Australian Rules Football) match, there was a “sledging” incident. Sledging is Aussie slang for basically insulting your opponent in sports. Usually it’s something that is seen as just players letting off steam and normally all is forgotten and forgiven after the final siren.
This particular incident crossed the line though. A team captain made a very rude remark (allegedly) against an opponent, but the remark/insult was directed at said team member’s family. (Details are scarce right now.) This upset the player to the point where he had to use a break in play to cool off and compose himself. Apparently the poor man was actually in tears over it. So it must have hit close to home indeed
This lead to a public apology from the Captain in question and is an incident which is currently being reviewed by the League itself. (Sledging might be fine. But bullying and harassment are against policy.)

I’ve never really thought about it before. But I do wonder if the story would play out the same in another code, like say Rugby League. I only wonder this because the AFL overall seems to be a bit more comfortable with progressive values, if you like, compared to Rugby.
Like I dunno, the environment seems more forgiving of a man crying in the AFL than Rugby seems to be. Barring crying over an important match which was lost, I suppose
(If that makes sense at all?)