creepers you have known.

[Alceste]

There's been some question of whether it's "sexist" for women to consider the sexual assault threat level of any strange men who approach them. I don't want to argue about that, I just want to share some of my own experiences that have caused me to exercise caution with men who approach me, and I want to hear your experiences too. Whether you're a man or a woman, whether your creeper was a man or a woman, gay, straight, whatever. For me, it just happens to be the case that all the creepers I've felt personally menaced by were men, but I know some of you have been creeped on by the ladies, and I'm curious to hear those stories as well.

Here's one of mine. When I was about eleven or twelve, I went to the mall with a friend to see a movie. At one point, my friend went to the bathroom and I waited outside on a bench.

A middle eastern man in his 30s or 40s sat down next to me and started to ask me personal questions. My name, where I live, where I go to school, etc. I didn't want to be rude, but I lied.

My friend was taking ages in the bathroom, and I was feeling really uncomfortable with this dude, so I told him I had to go buy tickets and said goodbye, nice chat, have a nice day, whatever.

He followed me to the ticket kiosk and got in line behind me. I switched lines, so did he.

So I left the line and scarpered, went to lose him in the mall crowd. I went down some stairs to where the shops were, tucked myself into a corner and watched to see if he followed.

He did.

As it turned out, the shops were closed (Sunday in the eighties) and there was no crowd to lose myself in. Just me and the creeper in a big empty mall.

So I ran, periodically checking to see if he was following. He was, at a brisk pace.

Finally I got enough distance to put him a few twists and turns behind me, lost him and went back to the theatre to find my friend.

While that experience was more bewildering / exciting than frightening at the time, in hindsight - from a place of really understanding the sort of thing he intended to do if he caught me - it is freaking terrifying to think about. I could have ended up on a milk carton, one of those missing girls police often prefer to assume simply ran away from home.

So this is one experience I've had that have left me more cautious around strange men in general, but particularly any who remind me of that particular strange man, and his particular brand of strangeness - which did start out with a cold approach / casual chat.

 

[ametist]

Geez, can be very traumatizing for a 12 year old. Perhaps, he just wanted to scare you by following you. It is very cute you talked to him and lied to all his questions. You said it was exciting then but you ran away from him and right at the start you lied to his questions..perhaps you were scared from the start? So what did you do later on? Got some sort of help for the traumatizing sides of the event?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I was 17 and had just moved out of my parents house. One night as I was alone, the phone rang and I answered it. Some guy asked for a woman who's name I didn't recognize, and I told him he had the wrong number, he started laughing and joked about trying to call this number that she gave him, and I remember laughing at something he said. He then kept asking me to confirm that my phone number was actually what he dialed.

After I confirmed that the number he dialed was actually my phone number, he began asking me who I was, what my name was, but then he began asking me more personal questions. I said something like I needed to get going, and he suddenly told me not to hang up, and that he wanted to **** me.

I hung up, but I was shaken. The phone rang again, and I answered it, and it was him again. He said that he wanted to **** me, and that I didn't understand how much he wanted to. I hung up again, but I was too scared to do anything.

The rest of the night, I didn't answer the phone. After it kept ringing every few minutes, I disconnected it so I could go to bed, though I don't think I slept that night.

The guy called me a dozen more times for the next few months. Every time he called, I'd answer the phone, and he'd ask the same thing, "Don't you understand how much I want to **** you?" I'd hang up. But I never told anyone. I didn't know what to do in that situation.

The calls stopped. I never spotted anyone following me. But the whole experience was terrifying for me.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Many of my male family members. That's all I'll say because it's pretty gross.

Oh, and a babysitter's son who was trying to do stuff with me when I was a little kid.

That's all I care to mention.

 

[Alceste]

Geez, can be very traumatizing for a 12 year old. Perhaps, he just wanted to scare you by following you. It is very cute you talked to him and lied to all his questions. You said it was exciting then but you ran away from him and right at the start you lied to his questions..perhaps you were scared from the start? So what did you do later on? Got some sort of help for the traumatizing sides of the event?

No, I wasn't traumatized because he didn't catch me. It was exciting in the way that certain things are scary / exciting in the imagination of a child. Like how derelict houses are considered "haunted" and dark bathrooms are supposed to let you have a glimpse of bloody Mary under certain circumstances, or how Ouija boards let you talk to ghosts. IOW, it didn't really occur to me that I could be hurt, and the experience didn't seem "real".

Lying to him was my middle ground between being polite, as I'd been taught, and being wary of "stranger danger", as I'd also been taught.

At any rate, that particular guy was acting in a massively inappropriate and very menacing way. He didn't want a friendly chat. He wanted to rape me. I get this now, but I didn't really get it when I was eleven. I barely knew what sex was, let alone rape. But it is true that I was uncomfortable with him from the moment he sat down and struck up a conversation. That alone is a very bizarre thing for a grown man to do.

 

[CynthiaCypher]

I don't know if I am some sort of magnet for this. But in my school experience I had several teachers tell me things that I just don't think were appropriate. And yes they just didn't tell me stuff they actually tried to touch me. I feel weird about it to this day.

 

[Alceste]

I was 17 and had just moved out of my parents house. One night as I was alone, the phone rang and I answered it. Some guy asked for a woman who's name I didn't recognize, and I told him he had the wrong number, he started laughing and joked about trying to call this number that she gave him, and I remember laughing at something he said. He then kept asking me to confirm that my phone number was actually what he dialed.

After I confirmed that the number he dialed was actually my phone number, he began asking me who I was, what my name was, but then he began asking me more personal questions. I said something like I needed to get going, and he suddenly told me not to hang up, and that he wanted to **** me.

I hung up, but I was shaken. The phone rang again, and I answered it, and it was him again. He said that he wanted to **** me, and that I didn't understand how much he wanted to. I hung up again, but I was too scared to do anything.

The rest of the night, I didn't answer the phone. After it kept ringing every few minutes, I disconnected it so I could go to bed, though I don't think I slept that night.

The guy called me a dozen more times for the next few months. Every time he called, I'd answer the phone, and he'd ask the same thing, "Don't you understand how much I want to **** you?" I'd hang up. But I never told anyone. I didn't know what to do in that situation.

The calls stopped. I never spotted anyone following me. But the whole experience was terrifying for me.

Jesus! That would scare the crap out of me.

The "personal questions" angle is one that still makes me feel uncomfortable. At one point, I got out of a taxi ten blocks from my actual destination because the driver was taking an unusual route (darker roads, fewer cars) and asking me too many personal questions.

 

[Alceste]

Many of my male family members. That's all I'll say because it's pretty gross.

Oh, and a babysitter's son who was trying to do stuff with me when I was a little kid.

That's all I care to mention.

Sorry to hear that, Frank.

 

[Alceste]

I don't know if I am some sort of magnet for this. But in my school experience I had several teachers tell me things that I just don't think were appropriate. And yes they just didn't tell me stuff they actually tried to touch me. I feel weird about it to this day.

Ew.

I had one teacher who most of the girls would not ask for help because he gave it in a creepy way - sort of leaning in too close with an arm on either side of them . (He had a different approach entirely with boys).

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Sorry to hear that, Frank.

Thanks. :hug: There's a lot of perversity in my family.

 

[ametist]

'Leaning too close' is a very dangerous subject. if you overreact in the middle of everyone it might seem real weird and that person may turn the things upside down easily but sometimes you just understand at work that particular person do it not unawaringly.
I just leave my desk. Only if such people could dare to move one more step to disturb me they would see how I would react in the middle of everyone Untill then I cant go mad because of every thoughtless mad person I meet.

 

[CynthiaCypher]

Ew.

I had one teacher who most of the girls would not ask for help because he gave it in a creepy way - sort of leaning in too close with an arm on either side of them . (He had a different approach entirely with boys).

I used to blame it on my height. I was just as tall as a full grown woman when I was in the 7th grade. So I used to believe that somehow that was the fault.

 

[Alceste]

'Leaning too close' is a very dangerous subject. if you overreact in the middle of everyone it might seem real weird and that person may turn the things upside down easily but sometimes you just understand at work that particular person do it not unawaringly.
I just leave my desk. Only if such people could dare to move one more step to disturb me they would see how I would react in the middle of everyone Untill then I cant go mad because of every thoughtless mad person I meet.

No, it's not a dangerous subject. If you're a teacher, you
should not be creeping on your students. He wasn't being avoided by female students because of accidental invasions of our personal space, but intentional ones that gave off a creepy / pervy vibe.

Steering clear of him was not an over - reaction and didn't cause a scene. It just helped the girls in his class stay out of the pervy circle of his pervy arms.

 

[columbus]

Just in case there are guys reading this thread who are too dense to understand what it's about:
Women respond to unwelcome, inappropriate, sexual attention from men pretty much the same way you do. It isn't a complement. It is an assault, however ambiguous or deniable.


Keep your hands to yourself.

Tom

 

[Alceste]

I used to blame it on my height. I was just as tall as a full grown woman when I was in the 7th grade. So I used to believe that somehow that was the fault.

Nah, it's the fault of the creepy / pervy teachers who sought out sexual encounters with their students. If you hadn't been there, someone else would certainly have been targeted, and I doubt height would be the deciding factor.

That said, there was a guy in my high school who matured very fast, and one of the female teachers pulled a creeper on him - asked him to stand up and turn around so she could get a good look at his bod, using the excuse that his shorts were too short for the dress code. Pretty obvious to me that she was creeping.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

On a study abroad trip to Ireland when I was 21 I decided to take the long scenic walk home from the school to my boarding house. It was in beautiful countryside with winding dirt roads, stone walls and tiny farms, you know - all those postcards you see for Ireland? Yeah, it's actually like that...

Anyway, I was heading down a dirt path and I could see all the way down it for several miles. On either side of me was a stone fence, so I was literally walled in.

Some distance down the road I saw a dark figure cross from one side to the side I was walking on and disappear into the scraggly bushes growing along the wall. He didn't emerge, which I thought was weird, so I crossed the road to the other side. Moments later, the figure did the same.

I did this about 3 more times before reaching the place where this person was on the road, and by this time I'm terrified. (In retrospect I just should have turned back to school and taken the other way)

Once I reached this guy, one side of the road opened up and there was a small house (Presumably this guy's) and a man was standing near the door, smiling at me creepily as I passed.

I kept looking over my shoulder the whole walk home.

I did not take the scenic route for the rest of the trip.

:camp:

 

[CynthiaCypher]

We should be careful in this thread. Some of the more pro-MRA types in this forum might accuse us of "creep-shaming".

Creep shaming - RationalWiki

The Soapbox: Why “Creep Shaming” Is Total BS

 

[Alceste]

On a study abroad trip to Ireland when I was 21 I decided to take the long scenic walk home from the school to my boarding house. It was in beautiful countryside with winding dirt roads, stone walls and tiny farms, you know - all those postcards you see for Ireland? Yeah, it's actually like that...

Anyway, I was heading down a dirt path and I could see all the way down it for several miles. On either side of me was a stone fence, so I was literally walled in.

Some distance down the road I saw a dark figure cross from one side to the side I was walking on and disappear into the scraggly bushes growing along the wall. He didn't emerge, which I thought was weird, so I crossed the road to the other side. Moments later, the figure did the same.

I did this about 3 more times before reaching the place where this person was on the road, and by this time I'm terrified. (In retrospect I just should have turned back to school and taken the other way)

Once I reached this guy, one side of the road opened up and there was a small house (Presumably this guy's) and a man was standing near the door, smiling at me creepily as I passed.

I kept looking over my shoulder the whole walk home.

I did not take the scenic route for the rest of the trip.

:camp:

Yeah, hiding in the bushes - probably not the world's most reassuring way to approach a woman if you don't want her to find you creepy.

I had a similar scare in France. I took the train from Paris to Arpajon after dark (note to girls: avoid central Paris after dark if you're alone or you're gonna have a bad time). I'd just been followed and harassed for ages by a creeper who would not give up trying to talk me into going home with him, however unambiguously I rejected his advances, so that was fresh in my mind.

The entire trip, another passenger stared at me. Not a crazy / clueless / flirty / curious kind of staring, but that blank, non-relational, vaguely menacing stare I mentioned before.

Then he got off at my station, although I waited until the last possible second to get up so I'd know whether he was reacting to me or planning to follow me. He didn't get up until I did, didn't get off the train until I did either.

I lost sight of him almost right away, but the long dark walk to the hostel in a sleepy French town was very unnerving. I walked right down the centre of the road the entire way so I would have lots of time to react if he jumped out of the shadows. He didn't, but I totally get how you were feeling.

 

[Alceste]

We should be careful in this thread. Some of the more pro-MRA types in this forum might accuse us of "creep-shaming".

Creep shaming - RationalWiki

The Soapbox: Why “Creep Shaming” Is Total BS

Yeah, because having your feelings hurt because some woman read your behavior in a creepy way is so much more socially destructive than missing a bunch of huge red flags in order to give a guy the benefit of the doubt and then getting sexually assaulted.

 

[Sunstone]

I've been stalked by women twice, but the worse stalker I ever knew was a man.

I met him at a coffee shop. He came up to me and asked to play a round of chess. As we were playing he mentioned that his ex wife had a restraining order against him for stalking her and how mistaken she was because he had never stalked her. I thought nothing of it.

Well, I beat him at chess, but then he demanded that we play again. I was tired, so I went home instead.

For the next four or six weeks, he stalked me everywhere I went. I got to thinking he was my shadow. Whenever he spoke to me, he demanded a rematch at chess.

I finally got tired of it and gave him a rematch. I purposely lost the game. After that, he was gone. I never saw him again -- just as if he'd moved out of town or something.