Choosing a child's religion vs. a child's career

[9-10ths_Penguin]

A recent post in another thread reminded me of something that's puzzled me for a while now: generally, we consider it inappropriate to choose a child's career for him/her, but plenty of people don't have a problem with choosing a religion for them.

I think the same issues are at play in both: we recognize that a career can be a major part of a person's identity, and that it robs a person of self-direction to try to dictate what sort of adult the child will grow to be.

Isn't the same true for religion? Religious beliefs can be even more central to a person's identity than their career, so doesn't it disrespect the personhood of the child to try to dictate their choice of religion than it is to try to dictate their choice of career?

Thoughts? Is it fair to compare religion and a career this way?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I said don't make it about me. :/

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I said don't make it about me. :/

I didn't think I did.

 

[dawny0826]

In practical terms, when you're raising kids, you don't abandon your beliefs and leave the kids at home when it's time to do a religious activity. You take them with you, you involve them in family and cultural tradition. Don't front as if there's something wrong with that, because there isn't.

Inevitably,children will reach an age where they'll begin questioning religion and honesty is important. I'm the kind of parent that answers questions honestly and from my own platform of belief, encouraging that which we can universally embrace as acceptable and good.

My kids can reject church now. They can reject religion now. My youngest asks to go to church and in fact goes to church more often than I do. There's no forcing. No pressure. We're honest, supportive and provide space for growth and personal decision making.

I chose my own religious path. i suspect my children will do the same. The seeds that we've planted aren't anything to be ashamed of.

 

[Badran]

One relevant element is that within many parents' view, unlike different career choices, any other religious choice than their own is mistaken/wrong/leads to suffering etc. So within their view, the different treatment for both fields is warranted. That of course doesn't address the view itself, just one outcome of having it.

For those who recognize different paths as equally valid (or something along those lines) yet still raise their children on their specific path, i guess i'd judge it based on how they did so. Depending on the emphasis and the role the religion played in the child's life. Since even with career choices, people don't have to outright dictate them, they can be influenced more subtly, whether intentionally or not.

 

[dawny0826]

I can't vote in your poll.

I think that it's appropriate for parents to provide guidance, directive and support to their children.

It's okay to introduce your kids to concepts. If you want to suggest a career or involve your child in a religion...that's fine...as long as there's respect for personal growth and decision making.

 

[lunamoth]

I agree with Dawny. If you practice a religion you are going to include your kids. I would not force my kids to have the same religion as I have, although it is the religion they were exposed to as kids. I would tell them that some religions are bad or dangerous, just as I would advise against particular careers. Ultimately though it is their choice.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

In practical terms, when you're raising kids, you don't abandon your beliefs and leave the kids at home when it's time to do a religious activity. You take them with you, you involve them in family and cultural tradition. Don't front as if there's something wrong with that, because there isn't.

Merely exposing your kids to an aspect of your life isn't the same thing as raising your kids to accept it, too.

My parents involved me in their careers. In fact, they had a home-based business (custom computer software) - I was surrounded by their careers a lot of the time. However, they never created any impression that I was expected to become a computer programmer like them. I never had to "reject" that career, because it was never presented as the default.

 

[Reverend Rick]

All the while Liberal Godless Atheists are afraid of yet another generation of religion and Conservatism they try to indoctrinate other folks children for their own selfish objectives.

Meanwhile their own children may rebel and join the GOP or a local church as young adults and vote against their controlling parents.

I call it the Preachers daughters syndrome.

 

[dawny0826]

Merely exposing your kids to an aspect of your life isn't the same thing as raising your kids to accept it, too.

My parents involved me in their careers. In fact, they had a home-based business (custom computer software) - I was surrounded by their careers a lot of the time. However, they never created any impression that I was expected to become a computer programmer like them. I never had to "reject" that career, because it was never presented as the default.

My religion has greatly influenced who I am as a parent, as a person.

I've never gone out of my way to force a particular faith upon my children, but, I joyfully share it with them.

Yes. They have the ability to reject that which they see fit to reject as they grow and learn. They may choose a similar religious path or may choose something different.

I'm not going to feel any guilt for having planted the seeds that I have, just as I'm grateful to my mother for planting her seeds, which continue to bear fruit.

 

[Sees]

Hard to say, depends how much we are taking into account for culture, actions, beliefs...some want to indoctrinate specific beliefs, some want to teach a way of life inspired by world-view but not dependent on it.

My way is teaching about different religions, views, philosophy, mythology, etc. without indoctrinating any beliefs. Focus on virtue and what we do in life. Tell them how you see things and why without trying to force your theology, afterlife, number of wings angels have, etc.

Of course I would say yes to that.... setting an example rather than child-proselytizing. Some traditions they will just naturally take part of but it doesn't need to be creating a mini-me.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

All the while Liberal Godless Atheists are afraid of yet another generation of religion and Conservatism they try to indoctrinate other folks children for their own selfish objectives.

Meanwhile their own children may rebel and join the GOP or a local church as young adults and vote against their controlling parents.

I call it the Preachers daughters syndrome.

Wow! I may not always agree with you but I admire your bluntness, Rick! Lol.

 

[Apex]

I can't vote in your poll.

I think that it's appropriate for parents to provide guidance, directive and support to their children.

It's okay to introduce your kids to concepts. If you want to suggest a career or involve your child in a religion...that's fine...as long as there's respect for personal growth and decision making.

^This.

 

[Badran]

Merely exposing your kids to an aspect of your life isn't the same thing as raising your kids to accept it, too.

My parents involved me in their careers. In fact, they had a home-based business (custom computer software) - I was surrounded by their careers a lot of the time. However, they never created any impression that I was expected to become a computer programmer like them. I never had to "reject" that career, because it was never presented as the default.

That's basically the line i would set. If the kids were involved, yet were never expected or asked to embrace the religion, i'd think it's generally fine. If it's more than that, then it gradually becomes something for the child to fight against (internally at least and both internally and externally at worst), and in that case i'd consider it wrong, with varying levels of being so.

This is mostly addressing the labels, rituals, customs and so forth, rather than ethics. Since with ethics and morality i think it gets more complicated. A parent may not ask or require their child to be Christian/Muslim/Hindu in name, or in practice regarding rituals or customs, but they'd naturally try to teach them what they view as good ethics.

Which in part and sometimes entirely would be based on the religion. I don't think there's any escaping that. The only thing a parent can and should do in this case is separate or categorize their own ethics, depending on their basis, and teach them with varying levels of importance.

For example, even disregarding religion, i'm not religious, but i'd teach my hypothetical children the ethics i view as beneficial. Yet i don't look at all my views in this regard equally. Some are very well founded, others not so much. So that difference should be apparent when it comes to me proposing these things to my children.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Like our children are mindless robots that we program. Guess what, when they cut the apron strings they will do as they damn well please.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Like our children are mindless robots that we program. Guess what, when they cut the apron strings they will do as they damn well please.

So it's okay to try to push them into a particular career, then?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

My religion has greatly influenced who I am as a parent, as a person.

I've never gone out of my way to force a particular faith upon my children, but, I joyfully share it with them.

Yes. They have the ability to reject that which they see fit to reject as they grow and learn. They may choose a similar religious path or may choose something different.

I'm not going to feel any guilt for having planted the seeds that I have, just as I'm grateful to my mother for planting her seeds, which continue to bear fruit.

You seem to be dancing around the central issue here. Which one are you saying?

- that you're trying to direct your kids to follow the same spiritual path as you, knowing that they might choose something else.

- that you don't hide your faith from your children but don't make any particular effort to steer them to your religion.

 

[Reverend Rick]

So it's okay to try to push them into a particular career, then?

Push is a strong word.

OK, I pay my daughter's college. I'm not paying for her to get a degree that does not enable her to make money. If she wants to enrich herself with other higher learning, she can do that on her own dime.

Is that pushing?

 

[Ingledsva]

A recent post in another thread reminded me of something that's puzzled me for a while now: generally, we consider it inappropriate to choose a child's career for him/her, but plenty of people don't have a problem with choosing a religion for them.

I think the same issues are at play in both: we recognize that a career can be a major part of a person's identity, and that it robs a person of self-direction to try to dictate what sort of adult the child will grow to be.

Isn't the same true for religion? Religious beliefs can be even more central to a person's identity than their career, so doesn't it disrespect the personhood of the child to try to dictate their choice of religion than it is to try to dictate their choice of career?

Thoughts? Is it fair to compare religion and a career this way?

If you have children, they are automatically introduced to your religion and education/job ideas. This is not a problem.


It becomes a problem when parents chose a religion, or other path for the child.


When one goes beyond sharing religion, to forced inclusion in a religion, - such as baptism and enrolment in a church, or circumcision, or tattooing/branding religious symbols on a child, - it becomes wrong.


That tattooing/branding reference comes from a Christian group in a predominantly Islamic country, that tattoos or brands crosses onto the wrists of their children, - even though they know the child might get killed for it being there.


Circumcision of children is forced mutilation without representation. The individuals should have the right to make that decision for themselves.



*

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Push is a strong word.

Yes, it is.

OK, I pay my daughter's college. I'm not paying for her to get a degree that does not enable her to make money. If she wants to enrich herself with other higher learning, she can do that on her own dime.

Is that pushing?

If your restriction is just "any career that allows you to support yourself", I wouldn't consider that "pushing", no.