you were awful quick to jump the gun and assume that my husband was trying to get out of paying child support and that we had in some way been dodging the court. You even went so far as to call it bull ****. Stop and think next time, not every man out there is like your ex-husband and they damn sure don't deserve to be talked about or treated like they are.
First of all, I never said or meant to imply that I thought your husband wasn't willing to pay child support. What I said was that it was amazing to me that he thought he could just make informal payments sporadically for the past five years, when the news is full of stories about back child support cases.
This seems incredibly naive and, frankly, irresponsible, to me. Irresponsible, not only to his first child, but to you and your child together. Surely he had to know that this situation had the probability of looming into your lives with a vengeance eventually! And creating a huge financial burden on everyone involved as well.
Wookie, I have a couple of questions:
When your husband and his ex had this child together, where did they live?
You state you and your husband now live in Georgia. Who moved away from who and when?
I also asked earlier if your husband has ever established any sort of pattern of regular visitation - has he? You didn't answer that question the first time I asked it.
The reason why I'm asking is this: If your husband moved away from the child, and hasn't been paying regular and reasonable child support, then you do understand that this fits a stereotype, right?
Look, it's hard enough to be a good dad when you're divorced from your kids' mom and not living with the child in the same house. Dads in that situation have to make an EXTRA effort to be spend regular time with their child. Sometimes, even if the ex moves away, this means that the dad should move as well. I know that sounds extreme - but a child needs an active and participating father in their lives. Preferably their REAL father - unless he's abusive. The last thing he should do is move out of state, or acquiesce if his ex moves away with his child, unless it absolutely can't be helped. Sometimes this may even mean making a career change. Which is more important - a career or a child?
If the dad absolutely cannot live near the child, then he MUST make an extra effort to see that child for extended periods of time, during the summer, school breaks, long weekends. This involves a lot of sacrifice, and can strain future relationships, budgets, etc. But the child didn't ask for this mess and deserves the best a dad can provide.
What we want to ensure is that the courts take into consideration the health care and free housing provided to him by his mothers new husband, and the needs of our current child and our ability to take care of her so that when the judge hands down an number it is not one that puts us in a situation to not be able to care for our daughter..
Not sure about California, but I can tell you about Texas law. In Texas, it is generally the bio father's responsibility to maintain health insurance on his kids. The housing provided by the new hubby will not be considered by the courts at all. This is immaterial when determining the amount of support that a father is responsible to provide.
You said earlier that you didn't think the court should consider YOUR income when figuring child support. Why do you think they should consider his ex's husband's income? Don't worry - they won't consider yours and they won't consider her husband's either.
The court WILL take into consideration the fact that your husband has another child and will factor that into the equation. This should lessen the amount of child support a little bit.
The court has a mathmatical formula that they apply to virtually all cases and there's basically no way around those figures. What seems like a unique situation to you (your own), the courts have seen a thousand times. They will look at your husband's income and the number of kids he has, and then apply their formula (which you can find online) and bingo - there's the number.
They'll figure up what he owes for the past five years and come up with a payment plan and add that to what he will now officially owe each month. They will nearly certainly require him to carry health insurance on his first child as well. They will require that he pay half of all future medical and dental bills. They may require that he pay half of all schooling costs if his ex decides to send the child to private school. Generally he will have to pay his half of these expenses within thirty days of receiving the bill.
There are very, very few exceptions to these basic laws - usually only in cases where the bio father is truly physically unable to work at all, for a very extended amount of time.
The good news is this - you and your husband should be able to weather this. You may have to make serious adjustments in your budget, and the reality of those monthly payments will be a burden, but it's not something insurmountable - unless YOU allow resentment to eat away at you and your marriage.
Your challenge will be to be gracious about this. I encourage you to be supportive and upbeat about this, since it's inevitable anyway. Encourage him to be more active in his first child's life - encourage him to exercize his visitation rights to to the fullest. Encourage him to go for extended visitation during the summer and holidays - the courts will definitely go for this because they WANT fathers to be more active in their children's lives.
You need to support his relationship with his first child, including the child support issue, rather than undermine it with bitterness.
Even though my husband pays $1000 a month in child support, and believe me, we could use that money, I have to just forget about that money and not let it gnaw at me. I decided early on that I would reach out to his son with love and acceptance. His son was 11 when we started dating - a hard age to merge with. But my support of his relationship with his son has made my relationship with my husband stronger and sweeter.
And guess what else - now I also love his son, and he loves me. He has been an unexpected gift in my life.
What seems like a huge problem for you now could turn out to be a blessing.
Funny how no one told us that. After talking to the case representative we found out that his ex is (after 5 years) filing for child support. Not only filing for it, but asking for 5 years of back pay. Don't get me wrong, we have no problem helping to pay for his son's needs, but they had an agreement that IF she needed money all she had to do was ask (and she did) and other than that we sent birthday and Christmas gifts to him. Being the vindictive ***** that she is, she has now decided that what we gave isn't enough, hence the court date. 
