Chastity or Promiscuity? Which is best and why?

[Hockeycowboy]

Why would you say that?? More loving, caring, responsible adults means the kids get more love, caring, and support, not less.

That’s not the way society is working, today.
Do you think so? Do you see strong families as the majority?
If so, where are you living?

 

[Hockeycowboy]

Do you know what accomplishes that too?
Jumping into a marriage without first properly knowing your partner (both mentally as well as sexually) and then ending up in divorce, or even worse: a nasty vindictive home with 2 parents that fight all the time.

Did you know that domestic violence in the US is most frequent in the bible belt, btw?

That doesn’t say anything about marriage, only people making bad choices.

Too bad that it's statistically false.

Saying it, doesn’t verify any statistic.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

Responsible educated people know how to have sex without it leading to babies.
When we had our first child, I was 35. It was completely and utterly planned.
I've been together with my woman since highschool. Meaning that we were together for 19 years by the time we got pregnant on purpose.

I can assure you that we didn't abstain from sex during those 19 years.
The only weeks were nothing happened, was when the communists were in town.

So a quick calculation tells me that we had sex roughly ~1000 times without getting pregnant while not wanting to get pregnant. That's a 100% succes rate.

It's actually pretty funny because when we finally decided that we wanted a kid.... we had sex once and the first test we took couple days later was positive, LOL!

At first we thought we were simply ridiculously lucky. But then we decided to get number 2. And sure enough... first try, BINGO.

We are so fertile! LOL
Which makes it all the more impressive in a way that we went for 19 years without getting pregnant on purpose.

Good for you and your spouse!
You said the key word....”Responsible “!
It’s rare, today.

 

[Vinayaka]

Here's a paper on wanted versus unwanted pregnancies ...

Unintended Pregnancy in the United States

 

[Vinayaka]

Here's a paper on wanted versus unwanted pregnancies ...

Unintended Pregnancy in the United States

 

[Hockeycowboy]

My children are proud to have 2 fathers and contrary to your inaccurate (and dare i say ignorant) claim are very much loved, caring, generous and honest and i am offended by your comment.

I think for someone to make such a claim very much requires the attributes you are stating

I’m very glad for you. But your experience is not the usual outcome.

And I’m talking about promiscuous people. That’s what the OP is about.

 

[ChristineM]

I’m very glad for you. But your experience is not the usual outcome.

And I’m talking about promiscuous people. That’s what the OP is about.

I believe it is usual. And reading this thread only confirms that.
Those with the complaints, the finger pointing, the misinformation are those who object to promiscuity


I have my moments but not really before marriage

 

[danieldemol]

By Spiritual I mean one who lives the life. A truly spiritual person cares so much for others that such an act would be unthinkable. So it is proven that a truly spiritual person will never even think of committing such acts.

By that definition many porn watchers are “truly spiritual” as most of them also care so much for others that an act of rape would be unthinkable.

 

[Trailblazer]

Men still have a penis, women still have a vagina, but the brain ages too

The stimulus for erection is driven by the brain.

Although physical problems can reduce sexual drive they can be overcome and there are alternatives... See my previous post.

Do they? i havent, in fact just the opposite. Which is rather frustrating considering edex is limited to 2 uses per week so we find alternatives!
However the loss of estrogen can (in around 60% of women) cause a lowering in sensitivity around the erogenous areas causing loss of desire. Again there are medical aids to reduce this problem.

Those who do not want to investigate how they can revive or improve their sex lives do so not for physical reasons but mental.

Thanks for the tips. Yes, there are "usually" ways to keep the sex drive and activity alive, if people are really interested in doing so, but not all people want to go for these medical treatments, because not everyone cares that much about sex. They might even have relationship problems that preclude it or perhaps they have many other activities they are more interested in. There are all kinds of reasons people choose to be sexually inactive. That does not mean they have a mental problem.

 

[ChristineM]

Thanks for the tips. Yes, there are "usually" ways to keep the sex drive and activity alive, if people are really interested in doing so, but not all people want to go for these medical treatments, because not everyone cares that much about sex. They might even have relationship problems that preclude it or perhaps they have many other activities they are more interested in. There are all kinds of reasons people choose to be sexually inactive. That does not mean they have a mental problem.

I did not mean mental in a disparaging way, not a mental problem (your term) but reduced mental function. The way you say it you seem to be i am implying that aging is a mental problem.

Actually, according to doctors i (we, hubby and i) have spoken to its not that people don't care about sex but are too embarrassed to discuss their sexual dysfunction with their doctor. After a time it becomes the norm and saying they dont care about sex makes their lack of intimacy that much easier.

 

[Trailblazer]

I did not mean mental in a disparaging way, not a mental problem (your term) but reduced mental function. The way you say it you seem to be i am implying that aging is a mental problem.

What do you mean about reduced mental function, and how does that affect sexual functioning? I always thought sexual problems that come with aging are physical problems, but maybe I am wrong.

Actually, according to doctors i (we, hubby and i) have spoken to its not that people don't care about sex but are too embarrassed to discuss their sexual dysfunction with their doctor. After a time it becomes the norm and saying they dont care about sex makes their lack of intimacy that much easier.

That is probably true. Many people might be embarrassed to discuss it with their doctor instead they adjust to it. Or maybe they do not think there are any treatments. Yes, saying "I don't care" does make it easier, but sometimes people really don't care. I would never be embarrassed about bringing up any sexual problems I had with my doctors. I see nothing to be ashamed about. After all, I kept a couple of sex therapists in business for a long time after I got married.

 

[loverofhumanity]

By that definition many porn watchers are “truly spiritual” as most of them also care so much for others that an act of rape would be unthinkable.

Then you’re not understand the definition of ‘truly spiritual’ I’m trying to explain. A person who lives the life of a saint will keep away from such things.We are speaking here about truly virtuous people.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

I read that among humans pair bonding developed as hunter gatherers, who were typically polygynous began to settle down to farming. Arrangements were made between family's that were beneficial to the new lifestyle with perhaps several families (and their liaisons) occupying an area of land. It cut down on conflicts, merged land, more people to help harvesting and tending domesticated animals, more efficient.

So then, in a way you are answering your own question that I first quoted. The adaptation shifted with the lifestyle shift

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

That doesn’t say anything about marriage, only people making bad choices.

It does say something about jumping into marriage without first properly getting to know eachother on all levels.

Saying it, doesn’t verify any statistic.

That goes for you too.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

Good for you and your spouse!

She's not my spouse. We aren't married.

You said the key word....”Responsible “!
It’s rare, today.

And irrelevant to / independent of being married or not.

In fact, I'ld say that jumping into a marriage without first properly getting to REALLY know eachother, is irresponsible as well.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

I’m very glad for you. But your experience is not the usual outcome.

You keep claiming this.
Care to support it?

 

[ChristineM]

What do you mean about reduced mental function, and how does that affect sexual functioning? I always thought sexual problems that come with aging are physical problems, but maybe I am wrong.

That is probably true. Many people might be embarrassed to discuss it with their doctor instead they adjust to it. Or maybe they do not think there are any treatments. Yes, saying "I don't care" does make it easier, but sometimes people really don't care. I would never be embarrassed about bringing up any sexual problems I had with my doctors. I see nothing to be ashamed about. After all, I kept a couple of sex therapists in business for a long time after I got married.

Neuroscience is too heavy for me so ...

Sexual behavior is regulated in various part of the brain, including the hypothalamus. ...
The amygdala is near the hypothalamus, and is responsible for alerting us to changes in our environment detected by our senses...
Sex – Is It All In the Brain?

 

[ChristineM]

So then, in a way you are answering your own question that I first quoted. The adaptation shifted with the lifestyle shift

Not really an adaptation but a solution to a problem

 

[Hockeycowboy]

In fact, I'ld say that jumping into a marriage without first properly getting to REALLY know eachother, is irresponsible as well.

Of course! That goes without saying! Marriage, if taken by honorable parties, reveals more of a commitment.

You keep claiming this.
Care to support it?

“Aren’t marriage and cohabitation essentially the same thing, a man and woman simply making a life a together?
Researchers tell us cohabitation is nothing like marriage. They are very different kinds of relationships. In fact, researchers find that the behavior of cohabitants tends to mimic that of single people in how they live and how they navigate relationships. Eminent sociologist James Q. Wilson explains, “Scholars increasingly regard cohabitation as a substitute to being single, not an alternative to marriage.” Put simply, couples who live together don’t act like married people.

What most people don’t realize is that the difference in commitment between the two types of relationships creates important, measurable differences. Even when couples are similar in socio-economic indicators, cohabitants — compared with their married peers — tend to have:

• Less healthy, more volatile relationships.
• Breakup rates five times higher.
• Two to five times higher levels of serious physical violence and emotional abuse.
• A decreased sense of ongoing happiness and fairness in their relationships.
• Two to eight times higher levels of sexual infidelity.
• Less equitable sharing of finances.
• Much higher rates of risk-taking behaviors such as dangerous driving and drug and alcohol abuse.”

Excerpt from Does Living Together Build a Stronger Marriage? - Focus on the Family

 

[ChristineM]

Of course! That goes without saying! Marriage, if taken by honorable parties, reveals more of a commitment.



“Aren’t marriage and cohabitation essentially the same thing, a man and woman simply making a life a together?
Researchers tell us cohabitation is nothing like marriage. They are very different kinds of relationships. In fact, researchers find that the behavior of cohabitants tends to mimic that of single people in how they live and how they navigate relationships. Eminent sociologist James Q. Wilson explains, “Scholars increasingly regard cohabitation as a substitute to being single, not an alternative to marriage.” Put simply, couples who live together don’t act like married people.

What most people don’t realize is that the difference in commitment between the two types of relationships creates important, measurable differences. Even when couples are similar in socio-economic indicators, cohabitants — compared with their married peers — tend to have:

• Less healthy, more volatile relationships.
• Breakup rates five times higher.
• Two to five times higher levels of serious physical violence and emotional abuse.
• A decreased sense of ongoing happiness and fairness in their relationships.
• Two to eight times higher levels of sexual infidelity.
• Less equitable sharing of finances.
• Much higher rates of risk-taking behaviors such as dangerous driving and drug and alcohol abuse.”

Excerpt from Does Living Together Build a Stronger Marriage? - Focus on the Family

Sorry, i cannot find the word of a religion based site dedicated to the religious interpretation of family values to be completely unbiased and in some cases, honest.

The difference is the legal standing and tax status of the relationship , nothing more