Can sexual identity be changed?

[Saint Frankenstein]

Thank you that clears it up! I haven't actually met a trans person yet. Or perhaps I have and didn't know they were trans. So I am not terribly attuned to their community.

You're welcome.

Yeah, you never know. We tend to "blend in" after a certain point. But I'm one, so I guess you can say you've met one now!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

at least you are now much better!

I can't believe how religion is unfortunately encouraging homophobia and biphobia even more so. I suppose that people around you thought that you were a just "not trying hard enough" to be heterosexual...

A few. What hurt even more was the biphobia that exists within the queer community itself. I dated a couple of women who were terrified that I would leave them for a man. That being bisexual meant I didn't know what commitment was, and that unless I was fully hetero or fully lesbian, that I was a risk factor.

But, strange enough, there are people who upon finding out about how hubbie and I date outside our marriage, think that if I'm dating a woman it doesn't count, but if I'm dating a man that he's a threat. Again, even though people will fully support queer rights for same sex marriage and protection from discrimination in adoption, housing, and employment, the hangover remains that my same sex attraction is really only "playtime", and not to be taken all that seriously. This comes from both queers and straights alike.

On that note, it's sad that transphobia exists so rampantly in the queer community, too. I once dated a lesbian who would often become visibly angry when a transgendered person would identify her gender as female, though she was born with male genitalia. My girlfriend couldn't accept that she was a "she," and would angrily rant about how they're not real, that they're delusional, that they're sick, etc.

That relationship didn't last long at all after that. There were other reasons for me breaking up with her, but her tirades over transgendered people turned my stomach.

 

[Sunstone]

I think sexual orientation is either someone one is born with or it develops very young in life (such as before the age of 3), and that it cannot by any means currently known to us, be significantly altered.

So, to the extent that sexual identity depends on or is the same as sexual orientation, then I don't think sexual identity can be changed.

 

[Question_love_act]

the hangover remains that my same sex attraction is really only "playtime", and not to be taken all that seriously. This comes from both queers and straights alike.

My wife is bi and I understand fully what you mean. By discriminating against bi people, the queer folk are doing the very same thing they are fighting against and that's sad.

 

[Question_love_act]

On that note, it's sad that transphobia exists so rampantly in the queer community, too. I once dated a lesbian who would often become visibly angry when a transgendered person would identify her gender as female, though she was born with male genitalia. My girlfriend couldn't accept that she was a "she," and would angrily rant about how they're not real, that they're delusional, that they're sick, etc.

The most anti-trans book ever was written by a lesbian... The Transsexual Empire. I just learned that the slur "she-male" came from that book.

 

[Question_love_act]

it develops very young in life (such as before the age of 3), and that it cannot by any means currently known to us, be significantly altered.

I find it very likely as well that sexual orientation (who you are attracted to) and sexual identity (do you feel you are a man, woman or another gender) might be developed early in life. Either way science has shown that it's uncontrolable and can only be "changed" on surface.

People often confused "learned behavior" and "choice", however they don't always go together. Sexual orientation could be innate or learned, but either way it's not a choice.

 

[ZooGirl02]

I am really not sure whether or not there are any real ex-gay people out there or not. I lean strongly towards no though. I have seen people online who claim to be ex-gay but who knows whether or not they are truly ex-gay. Personally I know that I am bisexual and I am not able to change my sexual orientation although I would if I could. I would change it to purely heterosexual if I was able to but I know for certain that I am not able to.

 

[Marie75]

I don't think so, in most cases. Curiosity and acting on it maybe once or a few times? In many cases.

 

[dgirl1986]

I dated a couple of women who were terrified that I would leave them for a man. That being bisexual meant I didn't know what commitment was, and that unless I was fully hetero or fully lesbian, that I was a risk factor.

The biphobic lesbians I interacted wtih seemed to have had this actually happen to them. Doesn't make it right but it suddenly made sense to me what the problem was. Which really isnt fair on other bisexuals.

But, strange enough, there are people who upon finding out about how hubbie and I date outside our marriage, think that if I'm dating a woman it doesn't count, but if I'm dating a man that he's a threat.

When I was playing it straight, my boyfriends new I was into chicks and would try to convince me that I should have a thing with a chick so they could watch. I told them that in my mind it would be cheating. I guess people do not really see it as real sex if it is two women.

On that note, it's sad that transphobia exists so rampantly in the queer community, too. I once dated a lesbian who would often become visibly angry when a transgendered person would identify her gender as female, though she was born with male genitalia.

I think that those (well the lesbians) who are generally transphobic usually are the ones that are anti-men or man haters.

My wife is bi and I understand fully what you mean. By discriminating against bi people, the queer folk are doing the very same thing they are fighting against and that's sad.

Exactly. It makes no sense. There is so much infighting it is ridiculous.

I am really not sure whether or not there are any real ex-gay people out there or not. I lean strongly towards no though. I have seen people online who claim to be ex-gay but who knows whether or not they are truly ex-gay. Personally I know that I am bisexual and I am not able to change my sexual orientation although I would if I could. I would change it to purely heterosexual if I was able to but I know for certain that I am not able to.

I think you will find that if most gay or bi people could change it they wouldve early on in life.

 

[Agnostic75]

Surely Alan Chambers, the founder, and former president of the recently disbanded Exodus International, which was the largest ex-gay organization in the world by far, would be qualified to comment on whether or not sexual identity can be changed. He said that 99.9% of the homosexuals who came to his organization for help did not change their sexual identity.

As I showed in one of my previous posts, noted expert Dr. Throckmorton said that regarding some "success" stories, some supposed ex-gays considered a lessening of same-sex urges to be a change of sexual identity, but a change in sexual identity would be not having any moderate, or strong same-sex urges.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

The biphobic lesbians I interacted wtih seemed to have had this actually happen to them. Doesn't make it right but it suddenly made sense to me what the problem was. Which really isnt fair on other bisexuals.

True, thanks. I also know one friend where her partner left her for a man. But I also know 3 male friends whose wives/girlfriends left them another woman. I feel bad for them. These situations don't help anybody's preconceived notions of what bisexuals feel or want.

When I was playing it straight, my boyfriends new I was into chicks and would try to convince me that I should have a thing with a chick so they could watch. I told them that in my mind it would be cheating. I guess people do not really see it as real sex if it is two women.

Ugh. One man I was dating was relentless into wanting a threesome, and it totally turned me off. Because it wasn't so much about a threesome with me and somebody else who wanted it. He was obsessed with the idea itself, which made me feel as if I was nothing more than a prop in his fantasy.

I mean, I'm easy, but I'm not cheap.

I think that those (well the lesbians) who are generally transphobic usually are the ones that are anti-men or man haters.

That would jive with my experience with the ex-girlfriend I spoke of earlier.

I think you will find that if most gay or bi people could change it they wouldve early on in life.

I tried. Oh man, did I try for many many years. Never again will I do that to myself. :no:

 

[dgirl1986]

True, thanks. I also know one friend where her partner left her for a man. But I also know 3 male friends whose wives/girlfriends left them another woman. I feel bad for them. These situations don't help anybody's preconceived notions of what bisexuals feel or want.

I think that people are just too preoccupied with bringing it down to gender when something like that happens. It wouldnt matter if it was a man or a woman. If they are going to leave you for someone else, then it does not matter what bits they had since they wouldve done it regardless.

Ugh. One man I was dating was relentless into wanting a threesome, and it totally turned me off. Because it wasn't so much about a threesome with me and somebody else who wanted it. He was obsessed with the idea itself, which made me feel as if I was nothing more than a prop in his fantasy.

I really did not like the idea of being watched, or sharing at all. It was all about their fantasy not the fact I was into chicks.

I tried. Oh man, did I try for many many years. Never again will I do that to myself. :no:

I think I probably knew I wasnt gay but I was in total denial.

 

[ZooGirl02]

The biphobic lesbians I interacted wtih seemed to have had this actually happen to them. Doesn't make it right but it suddenly made sense to me what the problem was. Which really isnt fair on other bisexuals.



When I was playing it straight, my boyfriends new I was into chicks and would try to convince me that I should have a thing with a chick so they could watch. I told them that in my mind it would be cheating. I guess people do not really see it as real sex if it is two women.



I think that those (well the lesbians) who are generally transphobic usually are the ones that are anti-men or man haters.



Exactly. It makes no sense. There is so much infighting it is ridiculous.



I think you will find that if most gay or bi people could change it they wouldve early on in life.

Yeah I understand that. I am bisexual myself even though I don't like being this way. I would have changed it if I could have done so but as far as I know, there is no way to actually change one's sexual orientation.

 

[Question_love_act]

When I was playing it straight, my boyfriends new I was into chicks and would try to convince me that I should have a thing with a chick so they could watch. I told them that in my mind it would be cheating. I guess people do not really see it as real sex if it is two women.

Before I was dating women (but people knew I was lesbian), I often heard remarks assuming sex between women isn't like "real" sex. I would try to convince the person that sex isn't only about intercourse. Then they would say: "ok, well, they can still use toys..." At least I tried. Not that I'm agaisnt toys, but the fact that people always look for the closest reference to intercourse.

Now for the last five years that I've been with my wife, I seldom hear such remarks (though my entourage has changed). I try to tell myself that I convinced them :yes:

 

[Question_love_act]

Surely Alan Chambers, the founder, and former president of the recently disbanded Exodus International, which was the largest ex-gay organization in the world by far, would be qualified to comment on whether or not sexual identity can be changed. He said that 99.9% of the homosexuals who came to his organization for help did not change their sexual identity.

Not surprising, yet very important finding! They probably changed their behavior by being with the other sex, but thoughts and desires that's another story.