idea
Question Everything
"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't" - Louis C.K.
All of my personal relationships- my marriage, my parenting, my friendships (with others AND myself) deepen and strengthen when I remember to be curious about feelings instead of defensive.
When someone says: "You hurt me" - that's an invitation into her heart. When we respond with: "I'm sorry. I'm listening. Please tell me more" we get invited deeper.
Can you imagine how much racial equality, interfaith harmony, and our understanding around gender and sexual differences would increase if we could get curious about the pain of strangers instead of defensive?
Love you. Stay curious about yourself and others. Everybody is so interesting.
G
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While I can see the point of the above in some circumstances, I see the other side of the coin too.
Example: Someone feeling "hurt" by the top student blowing the curve on a test, or getting the job, or __(fill in the blank)___. They hurt them self by not studying, or not not being the best candidate, or _______. Often people blame their problems on others who have their act together, rather than admitting their own faults...
and then there are the cases where you have to ask "why did they "hurt" you? Was it because you "hurt" them first? did you provoke them? In most cases (not all), at least part of the fault lies within the person who feels hurt.
I have found that easily offended people - or easily "hurt" people are often those who refuse to admit their own faults.
When you can admit your own faults, you are less "hurt" by others - you are more forgiving of others. Others are most likely just following human nature, doing the same things that you too would be doing in similar circumstances. You can see this if you can admit you are not perfect either.
Coddling easily offended people allows them to wallow in the delusion that their problems are all caused by others which is not healthy. I think a real friend is someone who is not afraid to "tell it how it is" (AKA defend themself - which often entails calling the other person to repentance) when needed.
What does everyone here think?
When have you called someone to repentance? and how did you do it?
All of my personal relationships- my marriage, my parenting, my friendships (with others AND myself) deepen and strengthen when I remember to be curious about feelings instead of defensive.
When someone says: "You hurt me" - that's an invitation into her heart. When we respond with: "I'm sorry. I'm listening. Please tell me more" we get invited deeper.
Can you imagine how much racial equality, interfaith harmony, and our understanding around gender and sexual differences would increase if we could get curious about the pain of strangers instead of defensive?
Love you. Stay curious about yourself and others. Everybody is so interesting.
G
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I can see the point of the above in some circumstances, I see the other side of the coin too.
Example: Someone feeling "hurt" by the top student blowing the curve on a test, or getting the job, or __(fill in the blank)___. They hurt them self by not studying, or not not being the best candidate, or _______. Often people blame their problems on others who have their act together, rather than admitting their own faults...
and then there are the cases where you have to ask "why did they "hurt" you? Was it because you "hurt" them first? did you provoke them? In most cases (not all), at least part of the fault lies within the person who feels hurt.
I have found that easily offended people - or easily "hurt" people are often those who refuse to admit their own faults.
When you can admit your own faults, you are less "hurt" by others - you are more forgiving of others. Others are most likely just following human nature, doing the same things that you too would be doing in similar circumstances. You can see this if you can admit you are not perfect either.
Coddling easily offended people allows them to wallow in the delusion that their problems are all caused by others which is not healthy. I think a real friend is someone who is not afraid to "tell it how it is" (AKA defend themself - which often entails calling the other person to repentance) when needed.
What does everyone here think?
When have you called someone to repentance? and how did you do it?