Anyone here in an interfaith relationship?

[SearchingForGod]

Something happened at work today that got me to thinking about interfaith relationships. There is a co-worker that I sort of like who is Christian and today on my break I was reading a book called Jewish Living. Nothing was wrong with that, but he suggested a book for me to read about Christianity called The Case for Christ. There's nothing wrong with his suggestion either and, in fact, the book sounds interesting. But one thing led to another in my mind and now I have a question on my mind.

How does one manage an interfaith relationship?

I feel bad that I have to ask this question, because I really want to end up with a Jewish guy one of these days, but the truth is that I'm having trouble finding any Jewish men in my area (at least on dating websites) and college-aged Jewish people don't come to the synagogue at all. It's likely that I would end up in an interfaith relationship, and the one thing that I'm worried about is that my partner would try coercing me into joining their religion if I dated them. Has that ever happened to any of you? And if it does happen, what should someone do in order to say "No thank you"?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

My ex-wife is Catholic. She did end up trying to coerce me into her religion. It got even worse when we started trying to have kids, which led to major disagreements about how we'd raise any kids.

I'd say that our disagreements over religion contributed to our divorce, but it was more the lack of respect that was driven by the differences. To her, me being an atheist was intolerable, and the more I delved into Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular, the stronger I felt that I couldn't accept it for myself or have any part in raising a child in it.

We couldn't make it work. Others have. If you're going to try an interfaith relationship, make sure there's a solid foundation of mutual respect.

 

[Father Heathen]

My ex-wife is Catholic. She did end up trying to coerce me into her religion. It got even worse when we started trying to have kids, which led to major disagreements about how we'd raise any kids.

I'd say that our disagreements over religion contributed to our divorce, but it was more the lack of respect that was driven by the differences. To her, me being an atheist was intolerable, and the more I delved into Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular, the stronger I felt that I couldn't accept it for myself or have any part in raising a child in it.

We couldn't make it work. Others have. If you're going to try an interfaith relationship, make sure there's a solid foundation of mutual respect.

Despite accepting the religious differences at the start, do you think that she had held all along an unspoken expectation that she would eventually get you to convert?

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

Technically, yeah. My wife worship Hekate, whilst I worship Thor.

 

[arthra]

How does one manage an interfaith relationship?

I would suggest you might become active and participate in an interfaith council and that way interact with people from various religions. We happen to have a Council where I live and have members from Reformed Jewish synagogue as well as Muslims, Catholics and Hindus..as well as Zoroastrians and Baha'is.

Another possibility would be to find groups where there is a common interest.. say in ecology or conservation and that way you might find kindred souls.

As far as marriage goes.. we Baha'is offer a simple free service for anyone regardless of religion. So in our Baha'i community we've had marriages between Muslims and Baha'is... Marriages between Hindus and Baha'is... Jews and Baha'is and you name it!

 

[HonestJoe]

It's likely that I would end up in an interfaith relationship, and the one thing that I'm worried about is that my partner would try coercing me into joining their religion if I dated them. Has that ever happened to any of you? And if it does happen, what should someone do in order to say "No thank you"?

That strikes me more as a person problem than a religious one. You’ll always get some people in relationships who try to change their partner, pushing them in to or away from things that they either honestly believe will make their partner a better person or with more selfish motives about making their own life easier. Religious beliefs and practices are just one of the things that could involve.

I’m not sure dating someone of a similar religious automatically avoids the problem either. You could still face pressure from them on the specifics of belief and practice within that faith. I’d advise not focusing too much on this specific fear and focus on finding a good person for you. Regardless of their religion, beliefs or anything else, if they’re right for you, this kind of thing is something you will be able to sort out between yourselves. Lots of people of vastly different and diverse believes manage to do exactly that all the time.

 

[Jainarayan]

I'm Hindu, my husband is Catholic. The house is fairly crawling with gods and saints statues and pictures from both religions. No problem.

 

[DavidFirth]

Marriage of people of different faiths usually do not work out well. Unless at least one of them is willing to "let things slide."

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

Or their faiths have no conflict.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Despite accepting the religious differences at the start, do you think that she had held all along an unspoken expectation that she would eventually get you to convert?

As it turns out, yes.

 

[metis]

he suggested a book for me to read about Christianity called The Case for Christ

Terrible book, imo. Any serious student of the Bible can easily see how fast & loose the author plays with the scriptures.

How does one manage an interfaith relationship?

My wife & I have been married for 50 years as of March, and it's all a matter of respect and compromise-- and both need to have it and do it if it's going to work.

My wife is a practicing Catholic and my faith statement at the bottom of the page says what I "believe" (not much). On an excellent recommendation, imo, from my maternal grandfather when we were first married, I didn't have a problem with bringing up our kids in my wife's Catholic faith, especially since she had and has much more of a theistic faith than I do.

Our "kids" are all in their 40's now, and one is Catholic, one is Jewish, and the other is secular. We get along very well on this and most other things as we are a very close-knit family. We attend each other's religious functions, and we never argue religion. Our 8 grandkids are following in our footsteps on this, and they love discussing religion.

Works for us.

 

[Tarheeler]

When my wife and I were married, we were both Christians; I was Baptist, and she was Methodist. There was enough of a difference between the two to cause a fair bit of tension at times.

After over a decade of marriage, I decided to convert to Judaism. To say that it threw a wrench in our life is an understatement.

My wife has since converted to Judaism as well, but we still have our differences. I tend to be much more conservative in practice and halachah, while she is much more relaxed and liberal.


In each case, it was communication, understanding, and compromise that allowed us to keep going. While we argue and disagree about things, we find a way to work it out without killing other.