After doing some extensive research; reading more books than that there were ever written, interviewing historians/presidents/dictators/therapists.., travelling to galaxies far, far away, performing great boundary breaking scientific experiments and eventually even going back in time to acquire ancient knowledge from multiple (in)famous people and pet a Saber-toothed tiger(but that is not the topic of this thread!! so keep on reading >.<*) , I think I (with the help of @Goddess_Ashtara) finally figured out the answer to pretty much everything (yes, you heard me correctly, pretty much everything including; why the pyramids were built, why the Roman Empire split in two, why @Thief stole my apples the other day, and why the my neighbor’s cat hates me.
It is all because of
's. Hats are the key to everything. Now before you send me a long reply saying: 'Shush you don't make sense, go back to your windmill' give me a sec to explain myself.
-Throughout the centuries people have tried climbing the ‘Royal and Noble’ ladder. Starting off as simple peasants many dreamed that confidence, hard labor, bribing or military actions would change their status. Becoming counts, dukes, kings and eventually emperors was a dream that many shared, but next to zero of them actually achieved. Theories on the reason behind this commonly shared thought vary; many of them saying greed (money/land), lust (for material good/sex), craving for living conditions improvement or plain out misfeasance play a big part.
Well I’m here to tell you that most of that is wrong. The goal isn’t getting power, being rich or being remembered, thanked and worshiped for years to come.. it is all about getting a newer and better hat. Think about it; regular people can only get regular hats. If one would climb up the royal ladder and for example become a duke, a whole new world of hats would open up, hats that – in general – would be prettier or more special than ‘regular’ hats accessible to the general population. If we take this concept and extrapolate it to being a king or emperor the same thing would happen. The higher on the royal ladder you are, the more (rare) hats you can acquire.
-Conquest can be explained in the same way. Leaders grew tired of their old hats, wanted new ones and thus history as we know it today was written. Caesar’s military campaigns against Gauls weren't just random expansion plans of the (then) Roman Republic; it was a carefully planned hat campaign with its main goal of gaining access to the Gaul hat collection and take over its production. The same strategy was used age after age. The Islamic conquests of the 700’s (which would in its turn later spark the Reconquista) was acquiring new hats from the Christians on the Iberian Peninsula.
Why did Napoleon want to push all the way to Moscow and crushed 6 coalitions along the way? He was just very fond of Russian hats and as no one ever gave him one he took matters into his own hands and decided to launch an offensive.
-Even religious beliefs and practices are explained by hats, as being part of a specific religious group gave access to a whole new set of hats. If one would climb the religious ranks belonging to that specific religion an even wider spectrum of more beautiful and special hats would open up. Even gods were depicted with special hats; thus proving their divinity as they had access to the rarest hats of all.
I think I proved my (and the universe's) point by drawing parallels and connecting dots that were never meant to be connected.
* But if you are interested.. they are very soft and fluffy :33
It is all because of
's. Hats are the key to everything. Now before you send me a long reply saying: 'Shush you don't make sense, go back to your windmill' give me a sec to explain myself.-Throughout the centuries people have tried climbing the ‘Royal and Noble’ ladder. Starting off as simple peasants many dreamed that confidence, hard labor, bribing or military actions would change their status. Becoming counts, dukes, kings and eventually emperors was a dream that many shared, but next to zero of them actually achieved. Theories on the reason behind this commonly shared thought vary; many of them saying greed (money/land), lust (for material good/sex), craving for living conditions improvement or plain out misfeasance play a big part.
Well I’m here to tell you that most of that is wrong. The goal isn’t getting power, being rich or being remembered, thanked and worshiped for years to come.. it is all about getting a newer and better hat. Think about it; regular people can only get regular hats. If one would climb up the royal ladder and for example become a duke, a whole new world of hats would open up, hats that – in general – would be prettier or more special than ‘regular’ hats accessible to the general population. If we take this concept and extrapolate it to being a king or emperor the same thing would happen. The higher on the royal ladder you are, the more (rare) hats you can acquire.
-Conquest can be explained in the same way. Leaders grew tired of their old hats, wanted new ones and thus history as we know it today was written. Caesar’s military campaigns against Gauls weren't just random expansion plans of the (then) Roman Republic; it was a carefully planned hat campaign with its main goal of gaining access to the Gaul hat collection and take over its production. The same strategy was used age after age. The Islamic conquests of the 700’s (which would in its turn later spark the Reconquista) was acquiring new hats from the Christians on the Iberian Peninsula.
Why did Napoleon want to push all the way to Moscow and crushed 6 coalitions along the way? He was just very fond of Russian hats and as no one ever gave him one he took matters into his own hands and decided to launch an offensive.
-Even religious beliefs and practices are explained by hats, as being part of a specific religious group gave access to a whole new set of hats. If one would climb the religious ranks belonging to that specific religion an even wider spectrum of more beautiful and special hats would open up. Even gods were depicted with special hats; thus proving their divinity as they had access to the rarest hats of all.
I think I proved my (and the universe's) point by drawing parallels and connecting dots that were never meant to be connected.
* But if you are interested.. they are very soft and fluffy :33
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