jonathan180iq
Well-Known Member
In the beginning, before anything known to mankind existed, there was a Magic Space Cardinal that created the universe. It is thought that She first created space and then She created matter. It is likely that She supplied the energy from her bodacious wings to create the universe. The belief is that there were no confusing things like time or general relativity at this point, so the Magic Space Cardinal could do anything She wanted without being limited by pesky things like physics. She could have pooped out everything instantaneously but She chose to do it in steps to serve Her winged-purpose, which She conveniently set to a localized time scale based on the understanding of one specific species of ape that she would later make... but we'll get to that later.
On the first day, which actually makes no sense without an already-established solar system and planetary rotation rate, she made light. She probably did so by flashing her red breasts into the abyss. This is why showing chest is called "flashing".
It seems to reason that She then made the firmament, which separated the waters above it from the waters below, and called that day two... Again, She's an infinitely complex being who cannot be bothered by things like reasonable timeline construction - so don't ask too many questions here, like "How could She already be calling something day two when She's just now established a surface which to rotate, giving time a relative perspective?"
On the third day, the waters below the firmament gathered together and formed dry land, which She called earth. The best estimate is the earth brought forth vegetation, (Because Magic Space Birds can't eat worms if there are nowhere for the worms to live... She's nothing if not well-versed in Ecology.) Plants and trees bearing fruit after their kind.
On the fourth day, She created lights in the expanse to separate day from night and these were made to give light on earth. She was basically blind before, and didn't have to worry about time, remember? So the great light, the Sun, was to govern the day and the lesser light, the moon, was to govern the night. She then spoke aloud, to no one but the plants and kind-derived fruits: "If you don't know what those shiny balls in the sky are - just make it up! No one will know the difference for thousands of years!" Up until this event, there was no mechanism for measuring time, (YET SOMEHOW WE ARE 4 DAYS INTO THIS THING....) In other words, there was no time dimension, now it is in place and waiting for intelligence to measure it. This belief is based on absolutely nothing and all and I have no understanding of basic physics...
It is likely that She created the creatures in the waters and the birds of the sky on the fifth day. She commanded them to be fruitful and multiply, each after its own kind - which gets a little shifty once you start actually studying biology - but She wouldn't create biology until the Renaissance, which is when a gay cat named Felix taught science to hairless monkeys.
Most think it was day six when She created the living creatures on the earth, each after its own kind. This is when she made people... Male and female, She created them - just like two separate but equally necessary wings on a bird. She commanded them to be fruitful and multiply and to rule over the fish, the birds (Peace Be Upon Them) and over every living creature that moves on the earth - except for the worms, because those are the holy feast of the MPC.
Even though day four saw a mechanism put in place for measuring time, it was not until day six after the universe was created that there was an instrument and intelligence, to measure time. No one even knows what this means, because it's nonsense.
There is a difference of opinion on exactly what point the laws of nature were created, (Because I'm totally making $hit up) but some believe it was day one and others think it more likely to be day four. Like I said, forget day 5 - because whatever.
Since The MPC is outside of time and it means nothing to Her, She had a purpose for using six days, in man’s time frame, for the creation.
“Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Nesting Day of the Cardinal your Creator; in it you shall not do any work, (other than make nests). You or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you may not work at all, except for making nests “For in six days the MPC made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day, nesting; therefore the MPC blessed the Nesting day and made it holy.” (Bird Is The Word –11, BRD127)
Therefore, unless man can provide a provable explanation, using empirical evidence, of where, when and how space, matter, energy and time came into existence and in what sequence, I choose to believe in the supernatural.
I have tried to use a methodlogy used by science in presenting this new theory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If this doesn't seem like a completely reasonable and logical explanation of where Space, Time, Matter, and Energy came from - then you need to rethink your positions, don't you?
I could argue that MPC invented a species who made up stories about things they didn't know anything about, and that THEY created some Bearded Cloud Wizard named Yahweh and spread lies about him, forever forgetting the true story of creation, and giving no credit to the Magic Space Cardinal, and Master of the Universe. After all, if you weren't there, then how can you say for certain that it didn't happen this way?
If you think this story is more ridiculous than other creation myths, then you're suffering from a very serious case of bias (which I call Bird Flu) and you need to see a doctor/educator.
On the first day, which actually makes no sense without an already-established solar system and planetary rotation rate, she made light. She probably did so by flashing her red breasts into the abyss. This is why showing chest is called "flashing".
It seems to reason that She then made the firmament, which separated the waters above it from the waters below, and called that day two... Again, She's an infinitely complex being who cannot be bothered by things like reasonable timeline construction - so don't ask too many questions here, like "How could She already be calling something day two when She's just now established a surface which to rotate, giving time a relative perspective?"
On the third day, the waters below the firmament gathered together and formed dry land, which She called earth. The best estimate is the earth brought forth vegetation, (Because Magic Space Birds can't eat worms if there are nowhere for the worms to live... She's nothing if not well-versed in Ecology.) Plants and trees bearing fruit after their kind.
On the fourth day, She created lights in the expanse to separate day from night and these were made to give light on earth. She was basically blind before, and didn't have to worry about time, remember? So the great light, the Sun, was to govern the day and the lesser light, the moon, was to govern the night. She then spoke aloud, to no one but the plants and kind-derived fruits: "If you don't know what those shiny balls in the sky are - just make it up! No one will know the difference for thousands of years!" Up until this event, there was no mechanism for measuring time, (YET SOMEHOW WE ARE 4 DAYS INTO THIS THING....) In other words, there was no time dimension, now it is in place and waiting for intelligence to measure it. This belief is based on absolutely nothing and all and I have no understanding of basic physics...
It is likely that She created the creatures in the waters and the birds of the sky on the fifth day. She commanded them to be fruitful and multiply, each after its own kind - which gets a little shifty once you start actually studying biology - but She wouldn't create biology until the Renaissance, which is when a gay cat named Felix taught science to hairless monkeys.
Most think it was day six when She created the living creatures on the earth, each after its own kind. This is when she made people... Male and female, She created them - just like two separate but equally necessary wings on a bird. She commanded them to be fruitful and multiply and to rule over the fish, the birds (Peace Be Upon Them) and over every living creature that moves on the earth - except for the worms, because those are the holy feast of the MPC.
Even though day four saw a mechanism put in place for measuring time, it was not until day six after the universe was created that there was an instrument and intelligence, to measure time. No one even knows what this means, because it's nonsense.
There is a difference of opinion on exactly what point the laws of nature were created, (Because I'm totally making $hit up) but some believe it was day one and others think it more likely to be day four. Like I said, forget day 5 - because whatever.
Since The MPC is outside of time and it means nothing to Her, She had a purpose for using six days, in man’s time frame, for the creation.
“Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Nesting Day of the Cardinal your Creator; in it you shall not do any work, (other than make nests). You or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you may not work at all, except for making nests “For in six days the MPC made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day, nesting; therefore the MPC blessed the Nesting day and made it holy.” (Bird Is The Word –11, BRD127)
Therefore, unless man can provide a provable explanation, using empirical evidence, of where, when and how space, matter, energy and time came into existence and in what sequence, I choose to believe in the supernatural.
I have tried to use a methodlogy used by science in presenting this new theory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If this doesn't seem like a completely reasonable and logical explanation of where Space, Time, Matter, and Energy came from - then you need to rethink your positions, don't you?
I could argue that MPC invented a species who made up stories about things they didn't know anything about, and that THEY created some Bearded Cloud Wizard named Yahweh and spread lies about him, forever forgetting the true story of creation, and giving no credit to the Magic Space Cardinal, and Master of the Universe. After all, if you weren't there, then how can you say for certain that it didn't happen this way?
If you think this story is more ridiculous than other creation myths, then you're suffering from a very serious case of bias (which I call Bird Flu) and you need to see a doctor/educator.
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