A dilema

[Kathryn]

Just don't be there when they come by. Why humiliate yourself - or leave yourself open to temptation?

 

[autonomous1one1]

....The dilema is this:- religiously/and or morally, do I:-
a) phone these ladies up and tell them that I have changed my mind about seeing them again - to take the temptation away......( I have been married 33 years, and have never really looked at any other woman)
B) keep seeing them, to resist the temptation - as if it was a test sent by God ?

Would the first alternative be to take the easy way out?

Greetings Michel. Looks like you have gotten plenty of good advice.
There is another perspective should such a dilemma come up in the future. From that perspective one can view the dilemma as an opportunity to develop/strengthen one's being if the dilemma is faced directly - your option B). This might first call for strengthening the WILL which can control the mind. Then, control the mind to focus on the others involved rather than on one's own temptation. The self is expanded to include the 'other three' in this case and, acting in oneness with them, one focuses on what should be done to work towards their fulfillment - and what is best for them. The wife is given absolute priority because she already has invested 33 years towards your development.

a..1

 

[Dezzie]

Just don't be there when they come by. Why humiliate yourself - or leave yourself open to temptation?

I completely agree with this. If I was your wife I would still feel like crap if you were having those feelings about another woman and that you were having some sort of fantasy... I would go out that day and if they call after wondering where you were and if they could stop by another time, say no. Why would open yourself to temptation? You say you love your wife, so why would you not do anything you can to not associate with this other woman?

 

[Dezzie]

Oh and just keep in mind that the other woman may (someday) turn out to be just like your wife is now. She may be vibrant now but who know what they years will do to her. Everyone grows and gets older. I hope you don't always look for a younger, more vibrant woman... you'll be flipping through different woman all the time.

 

[michel]

Well, I shouted at the devil, saw the woman and her mother, and thought of nothing but religion..........

Their visit was actually quite educational; they started me off on Bible study, and I did keep my thoughts strictly to religion....besides, I kept reminding myself that it is the devil who is behind any thoughts I may have.

My wife knows that I am seeing them - and her only concern is that I am going to be "brainwashed"- but there has been no sign of any type of brainwashing in anything I have read nor that we have discussed so far in our meetings. Just good old lessons in where to look in the Bible, as a novice who knows not where to steer through the rather burdensome looking book.

You see, absurd as it may be, although I have been baptized, and have been confirmed, I have never had any Religious Education at school - and so, I guess, I do need help - and to be made to think for myself.

The silly momentary infatuation is probably as a result of lost "zing" in our 33 year old marriage; hardly surprising, because of my poor wife's traumas over the last two years or so - and that is on the basis of a marriage in which sex never really played that great a part from the beginning-apart from providing us with two sons.

No, we love each other in a very respectful kind of way, but as a sixty year old who has always had a tendency for the "romantic" - I have always enjoyed the company of young ladies than I have that of men, and sometimes, well, I believe as we all feel, the spirit is not any older in me than when I was a young twenty year old - even though the body may be saggy.

No, as long as the ladies continue to help me get to grips with reading the bible, I think it would be foolish to stop them from comming - that is, unless it really bothers my wife. She'll let me know - don't you worry about that - she is about as subtle as a six foot tall garage mechanic who is about to tell me that my car is on its last legs.

I wouldn't know how to spice up our marriage - and, if I did try, I am not sure my back would take the wear and tear!!:cover:

 

[Kathryn]

Wow, sounds like your wife needs some serious romance in her life.

My advice to you is to do something spontaneous for her, something sweet and thoughtful and totally for her. It doesn't even have to be "romantic." Does she love crape myrtle trees? Buy one and plant it for her. Wash her car for her. Buy her a pair of pearl earrings for Mother's Day.

Do the unexpected, and the unexpected may happen in both your lives.

My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this month, and they have successfully kept the flames burning - romance is very alive for them. This is because they have kept themselves attractive for each other, and they both do thoughtful things for each other, on a regular basis.

I think thoughtfulness is probably the most overlooked element in marriage.

 

[Imagist]

I have a dilema. About a year ago, a couple of young women rang the doorbell; they told me that they were Jehova's witnesses. I let them in, we had a chat - I can't remember much of the visit.........

They (or at least one of them, with another member of JW) called last wednesday. Surprisingly, I recognised the one I had seen last year; again, I let them in, partly because I am deliberately giving any religion some of my time so that I can get to know more about them, but, secondly (more apt in this case) ,because I have been praying for help recently; I feel a little "lost" and drained by life in general.

Within a few minutes, I realised that my eye was being drawn to the younger woman (maybe mid-thirties) - the one who had come last year, and I could not take my eyes off her - and, in a flash, I remembered feeling the same way last year. They spent a good forty minutes here, and I invited them to call again next week ( a good day, because my wife is out helping her mum), for more of their interpretations of the scriptures. I can't say that I fully understand some of the interpretations they have given me so far, but I am quite willing to give it some more time.

The thing is, that I realise that I have been "smitten" by the girl whom I have seen twice. I can't stop the image of her from coming into mind.

The dilema is this:- religiously/and or morally, do I:-
a) phone these ladies up and tell them that I have changed my mind about seeing them again - to take the temptation away......( I have been married 33 years, and have never really looked at any other woman)
B) keep seeing them, to resist the temptation - as if it was a test sent by God ?

Would the first alternative be to take the easy way out?

This is a conversation you should be having with your wife. Find out if she's okay with you seeing other people.

Personally, I'm in an open relationship. Some might say this is just because I like to sleep with multiple women, but that's not the whole truth. My fiance recently spent the night in another man's bed. In an exclusive relationship I might have felt pressured to break things off with her, and at the very least there would be unnecessary conflict and tension in our relationship. But by having an open relationship I have made a conscious decision to value our relationship more than I value societal norms. Because of this there aren't any problems. We're completely in love and I couldn't be happier.

EDIT: Haha, looking back at the thread, the other atheist who posted suggested something similar (swinging). I guess it is true that god is the only thing holding you theists back from sexual deviancy.

 

[Kathryn]

Nope, it's not just God holding me back from sexual deviance, "open" relationships, whatever you want to call it.

I prefer monogamy and prefer to be with someone else who values monogamy in a relationship. It's not because of societal norms, it's because I personally WANT a one on one relationship with my spouse. I find the greatest level of intimacy, trust, desire, respect and friendship in a monogamous marriage. For our personal goals in life, both emotional, physical, spiritual and financial, monogamous marriage is the vessel that's the most suited for reaching those goals.

 

[Sonic247]

Ask your wife how she feels about becoming a swinger, and find her a young stud.

Take the pretty JW to dinner, and have a 4 way hot tub, you, your wife, the girl, and the other guy.

This is assuming the JW cutie pie is even interested in you, which she probably isn't.


Another idea.


Write your wife a note. Tell her at some point in the future you would like her to dress up as a door to door religion solicitor. Tell her to wear something sexy under the modest outer clothes. Bring props like pamphlets. Have your wife tell you about the bible, then go at her like crazy.

A little role play never hurt anyone.

The ONLY thing you should be concerned about is not hurting your wife with your actions. You should only pursue this hot young vixen with her consent. If you're to afraid to ASK for permission to bed this JW girl, think how scared you'll be after you've already done it. Only you know your wife though.

But seriously, looking never hurt anyone...

Just do the opposite of what this guy says. God made Adam and then made his wife not out of dust but out of Adam's rib to be his wife. It's not in the Bible but some say he took the rib since it was close to Adam's heart so don't let another girl get your heart.

 

[MoonWater]

I think you did right Michel. There was no need to be rude or insulting by no showing or calling it off especially when it's so clear that you are very comitted to your wife. The thing you have to remember is that a feeling is just a feeling, you can't control what you feel but you can determine why you feel that way and prevent your emotions from controling you. There is no need to feel guilty over anything you feel. I think the most important thing is to be open and honest with your wife about the whole thing. There's nothing wrong with having a feeling, it's only if you act on it that problems could arise and you have complete control over what actions you take in this regard. And it sounds to me like all that's happened from your actions is you've wound up with a few friends.

 

[zenzero]

Friend michel,

You being an honest, open individual has confessed and so it is now out of the mind, you have overcome the situation that went in your mind.
So being clean of it, you should not have any further problem facing the lady or anyone as you realise that any desire arises out of the mind and once you keep a watch over it, it does not sway.
That is all being conscious is all about.
Consciousness is nothing more.
Those whose minds drop all thinking even good or bad are enlightened.
Best Wishes.
Love & rgds

 

[michel]

I think you did right Michel. There was no need to be rude or insulting by no showing or calling it off especially when it's so clear that you are very comitted to your wife. The thing you have to remember is that a feeling is just a feeling, you can't control what you feel but you can determine why you feel that way and prevent your emotions from controling you. There is no need to feel guilty over anything you feel. I think the most important thing is to be open and honest with your wife about the whole thing. There's nothing wrong with having a feeling, it's only if you act on it that problems could arise and you have complete control over what actions you take in this regard. And it sounds to me like all that's happened from your actions is you've wound up with a few friends.

Thanks for your reply; I am not sure that , as a Christian, the thought is sin-free, that being said, is the thought not just as much of a sin?

 

[MoonWater]

Thanks for your reply; I am not sure that , as a Christian, the thought is sin-free, that being said, is the thought not just as much of a sin?

Well my perspective is non-christian so that would be an outright no for me. Though if I were Christian the way I would probably look at it is this: An initial thought, one that just pops in, is, to the best of my knowledge uncontrollable, INITIALLY. After the initial thought surfaces you can then deal with it and make the choice to not continue to think about it. It's easier said than done and takes great discipline but it is doable. I think that the idea of "thoughts being sin" would refer more to "bad" thoughts that are dwelt upon and mulled over consciously rather than impulsive ones that are cast aside right away. But again that's my own perspective and interpretation, you'll have to decide for yourself if you agree or not.

 

[painted wolf]

Oh you silly old romantic you! :hug:

God isn't that so cruel as to send such a test. While finding someone attractive is perfectly natural... trust your feelings of discomfort with it. Continuing to expose yourself to that discomfort will only desensitize you needlessly.

wa:do

 

[Walkntune]

Thanks for your reply; I am not sure that , as a Christian, the thought is sin-free, that being said, is the thought not just as much of a sin?

Maybe i would suggest turning this around and ask yourself what would you want your wife to do if she was smitten but some guy and was wondering whether or not to have another conversation with him.This thought alone may put things in perspective.

 

[Forkie]

Well, I shouted at the devil, saw the woman and her mother, and thought of nothing but religion..........

Their visit was actually quite educational; they started me off on Bible study, and I did keep my thoughts strictly to religion....besides, I kept reminding myself that it is the devil who is behind any thoughts I may have.

My wife knows that I am seeing them - and her only concern is that I am going to be "brainwashed"- but there has been no sign of any type of brainwashing in anything I have read nor that we have discussed so far in our meetings. Just good old lessons in where to look in the Bible, as a novice who knows not where to steer through the rather burdensome looking book.

You see, absurd as it may be, although I have been baptized, and have been confirmed, I have never had any Religious Education at school - and so, I guess, I do need help - and to be made to think for myself.

The silly momentary infatuation is probably as a result of lost "zing" in our 33 year old marriage; hardly surprising, because of my poor wife's traumas over the last two years or so - and that is on the basis of a marriage in which sex never really played that great a part from the beginning-apart from providing us with two sons.

No, we love each other in a very respectful kind of way, but as a sixty year old who has always had a tendency for the "romantic" - I have always enjoyed the company of young ladies than I have that of men, and sometimes, well, I believe as we all feel, the spirit is not any older in me than when I was a young twenty year old - even though the body may be saggy.

No, as long as the ladies continue to help me get to grips with reading the bible, I think it would be foolish to stop them from comming - that is, unless it really bothers my wife. She'll let me know - don't you worry about that - she is about as subtle as a six foot tall garage mechanic who is about to tell me that my car is on its last legs.

I wouldn't know how to spice up our marriage - and, if I did try, I am not sure my back would take the wear and tear!!:cover:

Michel, Today is Valentine's day:

TAKE THAT WOMAN OUT! (Your wife, I mean...)