One day I took my grand children to a restaurant.
The one was 3 years old, and he played with the 5YO and this 5YO ran to me to get to go to the bathroom.
I never could change a diaper, or pick up dog poo. My stommack would just pop out of my throat.
Anyhow, as the 5YO ripped down his pants to wee, the 3YO pulled down his pants, pushed his brother asside, and wee splashed all over the floor.
The 3yo had a turd in his underpants, which I did not know about and it fell on the floor, looking like a sloppy biece of chockolate pudding surrounded in wee.
I managed to take the 5Yo to the next toilet, and went back to the 3YO.
He was done, and sat on the loo, when I saw he dropped his pants on the pudding!
I took toilet paper, made a huge ball, picked the pudding up, lifted him to the side, and dropped it all.
The smell!!!
I then took more toilet paper, and started to sweep the wee, another bundle did the trick.
I then flusshed the loo... and it overflowed!
at least, the plug got loose, and the main collection of pudding and paper went down the drain.
All the while the 3yo still sat on the loo, and water was now dripping from his feet, down his socks and shoes.
I again took toilet paper, dried his legs, dried the floor, all the time flushing before I continued.
Everytime I had to wait for the cystern to fill.
People were gathering...
I then managed to pick the kid up from the loo, and I bent him over gripped his head in between my legs, to clean his bottom...with a sight to behold.
It was one huge soil, a chockolate cake, with a brown cherry in the centre.
I then again took more paper, which I asked one of the spectators to get nextdoor.
Dunked one part in the loo, to get some moisture on the taffy chockolate smear on his bums to loosten.
It took a few attacks, but it came clean.
While I was busy to work on the one end, the other end asked, Grandpa, why are you gripping my head with your legs...
I then went to the underpants, removed the kid, threw the underpants in the dustbin, washed out the pants, dried it out under the airdrier.
Two spectators clapped hands.
I dressed the kid, took him to wash his hands, got the other one , did the same, and as I turned around...
the 3yo had his hands in the urinal!
\I am the proudest Grandpa on earth.
I never changed a nappy, but when the S*** hit the proverbial fan, I came out with glorious victory!