Why Do Women Stare?

[Terrywoodenpic]

As to women staring...
are you quite sure she is not putting a spell on you.
it was one of the signs of a witch.

 

[Scuba Pete]

As to women staring...
are you quite sure she is not putting a spell on you.
it was one of the signs of a witch.

Good point Terry! See if she is heavier than a duck!

 

[Ozzie]

I'm kind of confused. I've caught this girl staring at me several times in one of my classes (I'm in college). Her gaze is always fixed, she doesn't look away when I look at her but stares directly into my eyes.
The thing is, is that she has a boyfriend. So I don't know if she is just fishing to see what she can catch, or if she is infatuated with me. Her friend glances at me too, but she immediately looks away.
I'm not sure what to do. I have a slight, slight crush on her. If it continues, should I stare back for a couple of seconds? Stick my tongue out at her, or make a funny face?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If it is on first meeting it may be attraction. If if continues and you did not respond the first time try looking out the window.

 

[Draka]

Oh, for goodness sake! Next day you catch her staring simply wait for the class to be over and catch her before she's walked out and bluntly ask her..."So why are you staring at me so much?"

You should be able to gauge what's going on by her answer and her demeanor while giving that answer.

Why do people want to dwell on things like this for so long? You know it's going on and you know she's being quite obvious, so instead of twiddling your thumbs and running through all the possibilities and "what-ifs" just get up and ask her straight out what's up. It's certainly not like she's being coy. She's being obvious...you be obvious. Simple.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

It's always best to ask for what you want straight out.
You'll get a lot of slaps...
But you will get a lot of fun too.

 

[Cynic]

Oh, for goodness sake! Next day you catch her staring simply wait for the class to be over and catch her before she's walked out and bluntly ask her..."So why are you staring at me so much?"

You should be able to gauge what's going on by her answer and her demeanor while giving that answer.

Why do people want to dwell on things like this for so long? You know it's going on and you know she's being quite obvious, so instead of twiddling your thumbs and running through all the possibilities and "what-ifs" just get up and ask her straight out what's up. It's certainly not like she's being coy. She's being obvious...you be obvious. Simple.

While being straight is a good idea, I've learned that bluntness often ruins the chase, and therefore any interest. It really depends on the situation though.
I would have to be both straight and ambiguous at the same time, so she doesn't know whether or not I'm interested.
I think the best thing I should do, is not think too much. To just act normal around her and have fun (as if I don't notice or care about the staring). It seems that worrying to much will only create feelings of infatuation: is she attracted to me, what am I going to say/do, etc. This is what happens to the average guy, he thinks to much. In the process the uncertainty creates feelings of limerence or infatuation. Then when he approaches her, he leans too much; appears insecure, etc. Women will immediatly know what's going on. They will be able to tell that he is already infatuated with her, has no chase or game, and therefore will be boring.
So I think I will act just act my normal self around her. If something comes up, like a phone number or something, then I think that will be fine. If not, who cares.
[edit: I've realized that I've gotten into this stupid mind-set where I have to impress her, flirt with her, or be seducive. If I just be myself and act normal--try to enjoy myself and not worry about whats happening--things will naturally take its own course.]

 

[Buttercup]

While being straight is a good idea, I've learned that bluntness often ruins the chase, and therefore any interest. It really depends on the situation though.
I would have to be both straight and ambiguous at the same time, so she doesn't know whether or not I'm interested.

Asking her why she stares shouldn't have anything to do with romantic interest, you're simply curious. Besides, she has a boyfriend and is off limits at this point in time. You'd be asking her just because you want to know.

 

[Cynic]

Besides, she has a boyfriend and is off limits at this point in time. You'd be asking her just because you want to know.

Just because they have a boyfriend or husband, doesn't mean they are of limits. If they are, or just aren't interested, they will let you know by bringing the fact up... The boyfriend or husband won't matter if they are really interested in a man romantically or sexually. I know this from experience.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Besides, she has a boyfriend and is off limits at this point in time.

Have things changed that much
I thought boyfriends were the real competition.
Just about every Girl is spoken for to some extent.

A ring on the finger is the off limit sign.:sad:

 

[Buttercup]

I guess it's just me then. If a guy I was slightly interested in had a girlfriend, I wouldn't waste my time pining away over him that's for sure. That's just silly. And, I surely wouldn't try to take him away from her....that brings on bad karma. Would you trust someone that cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend? Or, would you want someone that left their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? I wouldn't. Guess I'm too picky.

Sure you can't help being attracted to the person still but as far as I'm concerned, you've already spent waaaay too much time thinking about this, Physis.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I guess it's just me then. If a guy I was slightly interested in had a girlfriend, I wouldn't waste my time pining away over him that's for sure. That's just silly. And, I surely wouldn't try to take him away from her....that brings on bad karma. Would you trust someone that cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend? Or, would you want someone that left their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? I wouldn't. Guess I'm too picky.

Sure you can't help being attracted to the person still but as far as I'm concerned, you've already spent waaaay too much time thinking about this, Physis.

In my youth I lost some to others and won some.... It was rare to have just one girlfriend anyway... you would have been thought to be very strange.
Boy friends and girlfriend were no big deal, and should not be taken too seriously.

When you find a life partner that is different matter.

 

[Buttercup]

In my youth I lost some to others and won some.... It was rare to have just one girlfriend anyway... you would have been thought to be very strange.
Boy friends and girlfriend were no big deal, and should not be taken too seriously.

Maybe things were different in the UK but I never looked at boyfriends as 'winning' or 'losing them' from others. If a person's game is to take away something valuable from others, (I don't care how old you are)that tactic doesn't work in the long run.

Also, Physis is in college....and people today generally have sex within a week or two of dating if they don't have any religious inhibitions. It's a much better idea to be picky, there are fatal diseases out there.

 

[Reverend Rick]

It's been my experience that women spend alot of time staring at foot wear.

 

[Cynic]

Sure you can't help being attracted to the person still but as far as I'm concerned, you've already spent waaaay too much time thinking about this, Physis.

Yes, but I'm kind of getting more interested in talking about relationships. I've never been able to talk to people about things like this before. I'm just fascinated with all the different ideas and opinions.
As I noted in a previous post:
[edit: I've realized that I've gotten into this stupid mind-set where I have to impress her, flirt with her, or be seducive. If I just be myself and act normal--try to enjoy myself and not worry about whats happening--things will naturally take its own course. What that course is, who cares.]

Also, Physis is in college....and people today generally have sex within a week or two of dating if they don't have any religious inhibitions. It's a much better idea to be picky, there are fatal diseases out there.

Yes, good point.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Maybe things were different in the UK but I never looked at boyfriends as 'winning' or 'losing them' from others. If a person's game is to take away something valuable from others, (I don't care how old you are)that tactic doesn't work in the long run.

>>> I see where you are coming from now... In my day Girls were not a sort of exclusive possession. More important was the group of friends...
When you finally paired off in a serious way, you left the group as a centre of activity.
Up to that time you made pairs and changed in a very free way.
You must remember the 50's and 60's were a much freer time than now in every respect.

 

[Buttercup]

Yes, but I'm kind of getting more interested in talking about relationships. I've never been able to talk to people about things like this before. I'm just fascinated with all the different ideas and opinions.

Ahhhhh,ok. I thought you simply wanted to throw around ideas of why she was staring at you. I love to help people in the relationship department. My minor in college was psychology and it's always fun to pick apart why someone thinks the way they do. Plus, it's best to ask a girl about a girl, ya know? Especially one like me who has no ulterior motive and yet knows women inside and out.

As I noted in a previous post:
[edit: I've realized that I've gotten into this stupid mind-set where I have to impress her, flirt with her, or be seducive. If I just be myself and act normal--try to enjoy myself and not worry about whats happening--things will naturally take its own course. What that course is, who cares.]

Exactly. I know it's easier said than done when you already like someone but it's good practice. Just be genuine. After awhile you get good at it and then people are drawn to your confidence.

>>> I see where you are coming from now... In my day Girls were not a sort of exclusive possession. More important was the group of friends...
When you finally paired off in a serious way, you left the group as a centre of activity.
Up to that time you made pairs and changed in a very free way.
You must remember the 50's and 60's were a much freer time than now in every respect.

Young people today hang out in mixed groups too and I think it's great. You get to know the opposite sex in a casual environment with no pressure.

 

[Melissa G]

Staring is both not only rude and impolite, it's an aggresive gesture which normally makes the person being stared at uncomfatble. She doesn't like you...

melissa g

 

[Random]

Staring is both not only rude and impolite, it's an aggresive gesture which normally makes the person being stared at uncomfortable. She doesn't like you...

melissa g

As if OP hadn't already been stunned enough by the responses... I reckon it's a combo of she doesn't like him but finds him fascinatingly gross, but hey, let's cut the guy some slack...she might be head over heels in love with him and not know why. :flirt:

 

[Cynic]

As if OP hadn't already been stunned enough by the responses... I reckon it's a combo of she doesn't like him but finds him fascinatingly gross, but hey, let's cut the guy some slack...she might be head over heels in love with him and not know why. :flirt:

Nice... cutting down other people to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe she doesn't like me. Who cares. But I know I'm not fascinatingly gross.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

I don't normally butt into people's personal lives, but I'm mighty interested as to how this story is going to play out.