What a strange title, eh? But, it's on my mind, today.
I think what bothers me about this, is the chronic side of it. If it's Mother's Day, Father's Day, a passed away loved one's birthday, anniversary of their death, I somewhat get it. Death and grief can trigger all kinds of emotions, and it's understandable that you're wanting to honor that person in some way. But, what I don't get, is people who post pics and long drawn out (exaggerated) stories about their deceased mothers, fathers, grandparents, uncles, etc whom you knew were abusive to that person, or toxic in some way. But, now that the relative is dead, they feel the need to post endless pics and tell tales about this person, as if they're a folklore hero. Gah, it bugs me.
One of my friends questioned me recently as to why I ''never'' like her posts about her deceased father, and I was blunt about it, ''I don't remember him quite like you do. He abused you, and left when you were a kid.'' The guy never wanted her in his life, then she finds out he died, and she's posting all kinds of ''tributes.'' I'm sorry, but I don't get it. Our pasts with abusive people won't change, simply because they're dead.
Thought it might be interesting to discuss the psychology behind this, if there is any. Do you see this on FB, or IG, and why do you think people do this? I can't see any good coming from exalting the dead, who were once abusive.
If they apologized, showed remorse and reconciliation happened, that makes good sense, but often, that’s not the situation. I’ve imagined that maybe rewriting history about abusive people in one’s childhood, helps one to cope. But as a friend, a real one, I try to help those in my life see that manufacturing pasts we wish we had, isn’t healthy. And it won’t bring healing.
I think what bothers me about this, is the chronic side of it. If it's Mother's Day, Father's Day, a passed away loved one's birthday, anniversary of their death, I somewhat get it. Death and grief can trigger all kinds of emotions, and it's understandable that you're wanting to honor that person in some way. But, what I don't get, is people who post pics and long drawn out (exaggerated) stories about their deceased mothers, fathers, grandparents, uncles, etc whom you knew were abusive to that person, or toxic in some way. But, now that the relative is dead, they feel the need to post endless pics and tell tales about this person, as if they're a folklore hero. Gah, it bugs me.
One of my friends questioned me recently as to why I ''never'' like her posts about her deceased father, and I was blunt about it, ''I don't remember him quite like you do. He abused you, and left when you were a kid.'' The guy never wanted her in his life, then she finds out he died, and she's posting all kinds of ''tributes.'' I'm sorry, but I don't get it. Our pasts with abusive people won't change, simply because they're dead.
Thought it might be interesting to discuss the psychology behind this, if there is any. Do you see this on FB, or IG, and why do you think people do this? I can't see any good coming from exalting the dead, who were once abusive.
If they apologized, showed remorse and reconciliation happened, that makes good sense, but often, that’s not the situation. I’ve imagined that maybe rewriting history about abusive people in one’s childhood, helps one to cope. But as a friend, a real one, I try to help those in my life see that manufacturing pasts we wish we had, isn’t healthy. And it won’t bring healing.
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