Spiderman
Veteran Member
So far sobriety is hell. I've officially declared war on dope starting July 29th, the one-year anniversary of my relapse. ( Coincidentally, it is also the birthday of Benito Mussolini).
I put a sign on the outside of my door saying do not sell or offer me dope.
I thought God was going to provide some sort of extraordinary Grace, so that quitting would not be miserable.
That Grace never showed. It's hella miserable. Seriously lucky I don't own fire arms or I'd be so very likely to eat a bullet.
After that first month of sobriety, sobriety no longer sucks. But for now, the brain is lacking dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. The body is also malnourished. As soon as I stand up to do something I just groan and want to lay back down.... Just lay around all day in bed.
I hate how complicated this stupid human brain is, so needy of so much that I'm not able to provide. I'm pissed at God for not putting to death my body so I can just be a spirit.
As long as I'm trapped in this body, it will constantly be crying out for nutrition, chemicals, comforts, and luxuries that don't last.
I'm so pissed off that God ever gave me life!
But anyway, I'm extremely serious about sobriety. I've been enslaved to drug addiction since I was a teenager. Rehab is not the answer. It does me no good.
The authors of the 12 steps realized that we cannot overcome this disease without a power greater than ourselves. Either God or something greater than myself provides the miracle or it's not going to happen.
I'm putting forth my willpower, but willpower doesn't win the battle.
Pray to your higher power that I be drug free. Thanks!
I put a sign on the outside of my door saying do not sell or offer me dope.
I thought God was going to provide some sort of extraordinary Grace, so that quitting would not be miserable.
That Grace never showed. It's hella miserable. Seriously lucky I don't own fire arms or I'd be so very likely to eat a bullet.
After that first month of sobriety, sobriety no longer sucks. But for now, the brain is lacking dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. The body is also malnourished. As soon as I stand up to do something I just groan and want to lay back down.... Just lay around all day in bed.
I hate how complicated this stupid human brain is, so needy of so much that I'm not able to provide. I'm pissed at God for not putting to death my body so I can just be a spirit.
As long as I'm trapped in this body, it will constantly be crying out for nutrition, chemicals, comforts, and luxuries that don't last.
I'm so pissed off that God ever gave me life!
But anyway, I'm extremely serious about sobriety. I've been enslaved to drug addiction since I was a teenager. Rehab is not the answer. It does me no good.
The authors of the 12 steps realized that we cannot overcome this disease without a power greater than ourselves. Either God or something greater than myself provides the miracle or it's not going to happen.
I'm putting forth my willpower, but willpower doesn't win the battle.
Pray to your higher power that I be drug free. Thanks!