You know, I'm been doing a lot of thinking about this whole issue the last few days. I certainly would not want anyone to think I've never had my faith shaken by negative accounts of LDS history. At 62 years of age, I've seen so much anti-Mormon literature over my lifetime that nothing surprises me anymore. While every new "discovery" is, of course, disturbing, the more I see, the more I readily I am able to spot exaggerations, out-of-context statements, and speculation -- particularly speculation about motives, mindsets and agendas.
At this point in my life, I have decided that if the Church's doctrines aren't true, they should be. There are no more beautiful doctrines taught by any Church on the face of the earth. I have absolutely no desire to give them up. I find myself in quite the similar situation as the Apostles did when Christ asked them, "Will ye also go away?" Peter answered by saying, "Lord, to whom shall we go?" Should I try to convince myself that God is an invisible substance which fills the universe? Should I feel okay with the idea that He created billions of human beings for no other reason than to use them as His eternal firewood? Should I abandon the idea of a literal, physical resurrection and the belief that I will not only see my parents again, but be able to put my arms around them and hug them as long as I want? I can't go there. I simply cannot. And so I have a real reason for wanting it all to be true.
I heard a quote once and while I haven't been able to find the source, I think it's worth repeating. It was this: "A conclusion isn't the end; it's just the place at which you decided to stop thinking." I can hear what our detractors have to say about Joseph Smith -- from his marital relationships to the multiple accounts of his first vision to the questions about the origins of the Book of Abraham -- and let it go at that. Or I can look for more information. More information is always better than less information. It is out there. It does exist. In other words, I can choose to come to my conclusion any time I want to. I can hear either side of the argument and decide I'm through thinking about what the other side has to say. Since I have already made up my mind what I want to believe, it's up to me to keep looking for evidences that what I have chosen to believe is true. The critics will make sure to continue to provide me with more questions. And like Hugh Nibley once said (I'm paraphrasing, but it's pretty close), "You're never playing with a full deck." That, my friends, goes for both sides.