It is one thing to be protective or even defend your other half, but most of the times jealousy is not merely those things. Jealousy can breed into suspicion, paranoia and accusations. Speaking from experience, jealousy can definitely push away that which you are so possessive of. My ex-husband was such a jealous person it eventually got to the point where I was not to have male friends. I was not even to talk to any guys and if I did then it became a round of flying accusations. Needless to say, I wasn't just going to drop my male friends and I certainly wasn't going to police who I could and could not chat with. So the relationship devolved into lots of cheating accusations. I tell you what, as much as I was accused of cheating...I should have done it. I filed for divorce though. But I will say, it didn't take long after I filed for divorce for me to move on. The jealousy and possessiveness killed any love I think I ever had for that man. Mind you, what started out as flattering extra attention from him and being protective of "his woman" did to degrade to total jealous paranoia in the span of just a couple years. Even a little jealousy, if not nipped in the bud, can progress into something horrendous. this is why I say trust is so important. If you can learn to trust your partner completely, and they you, then there should be no cause for jealousy. also respect comes into that as well. Obviously don't cut yourself off from friends (as my ex wanted me to do) but don't flirt or go to far. Even if that is what you did when you first met, you were single then (assumedly) and you are now in a relationship and must show your partner the respect that being in a relationship entails.
Thanks for sharing, Draka! Yeah, even though I'm arguing harshly in defense of jealousy, I actually agree that it is by and large an excuse for us to jump to conclusions and lead us to hurt people. In general, I feel that we should always be wary of our emotions, because they are completely limited by what is available to us at the time, which means that they are not very useful for SOLVING problems. What I have learned from my wife, however, is that feelings, regardless of whether or not they are logical, MUST be validated because they are an outpouring of the soul and, in my mind, the epitome of honesty.
What I have learned from experience is that failing to communicate feelings almost always results in destruction. Stifling your own feelings from yourself is something I continue to struggle with. We believe the lie that emotions are weak because emotions cause us to act inefficiently. But what I'm trying to learn is how emotions reveal the state of your soul. If you stifle emotions, you are not allowing yourself to deal with the reality of yourself. In an attempt to create order, you create chaos. And in a relationship, this internal chaos may keep up the illusion of order, but inside, as an individual, you feel like a wreck.
What does this have to do with jealousy? Well, if I'm feeling jealous, I should ACKNOWLEDGE it and then TELL my wife about it. I cannot think of any possible way that doing this would be bad for our relationship, nor can I see how jealousy CAUSED anything immoral to occur. Now, if jealousy caused me to act AGAINST someone else, then it is wrong, in the same way that any emotion that prompts an attack is wrong. If someone is to be attacked, it should be justified by code and conduct, not emotions.