Wow. Dicey issue, this is. And I don't quite know where I stand here.
On the one hand, we have the sordid truth behind spankings themselves: Their short-term purpose is to physically, and most likely psychologically, hurt a child. Folks that's an awfully tough motive to justify, no matter how bad the little booger's crime. When we're talking about forcing one of the most vulnerable segments of our society to be physically and emotionally overpowered--because let's face it, spankings are all about power--there's no way to sugarcoat this: Vigorously defending the practice of spanking children can come across in the wrong way.
However, there's a key point that I haven't seen raised yet. Perhaps there exists a case for spankings' being abuse of the child by the parent, but what about the reverse: instances where the child does the abusing, and the parent is the target? I am not referring to simple cries of attention or petty acts of disrespect, but rather, ongoing manipulating and bullying of parents who have gone through all the motions: trying all different forms of discipline, taking their child to counseling (if they can afford it--that's an entire issue in its own right), and standing up to them as best they can. A small handful of children are extremely aggressive and will bulldoze their way right through all these protective measures that their parents work so hard to build. Frankly, I believe the parents in such a case have a very solid defense for spanking such a child, even if this causes rather intense physical pain in the short run.
Even so, there is another point I have yet to see mentioned (apologies if it has): Other than changing a diaper or giving a bath (which usually only is for very young children), spankings are one of the very few instances where adults are legally permitted to make physical contact on or near a child's genitals. Very simply, this creeps me out. School administrators would be thrown into a maximum security prison for massaging a child's buttocks--which well they should!--but in many states, this same administrator can deliberately and intentionally strike this same rear end, and as long as certain circumstances align he will receive zero punishment himself. Why some schools are allowed to spank children in a so-called "civilized" society completely fails me. The same goes for parents--as long as the contact on or near the genitals is violent, it is permitted by the law. Keep in mind that none of this behavior is mutually consensual--a fundamental principle to sexual contact at any age. Somehow, spankings gets a free pass here. That, I do not understand.
So are spankings to a child's buttocks inherently pedophilic? Possibly, although I cannot conclusively state that they are. After all, we sit on our butts every day, and nothing is sexual about that. Same for when we take a shower and wash that part of our body. So perhaps, then, spankings come close to failing this test, but reasonable doubt might saves it here.
Now, then, for practical implementation. It was mentioned earlier in this thread that the UK (?...I may be wrong about that) has a law that permits parents to spank as long as no visible welts are made. I see such a law as a good start and a fair compromise for now. (Frankly, any parent who thinks that they have the right to give their kids welts deserves a visit from social services.) What next, then? I think we have to ultimately look at the inherent message of the spanking itself: "You do not have the right to physically defend yourself, no matter how unpleasant, painful, or disturbing this is." Folks, that is an *incredibly* powerful statement to send to a child. My thought is that no matter how bad the little rascal's mistake is, a parent *must* ask themselves if the circumstances warrant such a statement. My view is that it can be made *only* as an absolute last resort, after measures such as, but not limited to:
-Restructuring the child's physical environment (read: LESS TV!!)
-Parent's spending more time with their child
-Having the child get outside and exercise more
-Improving their study and work habits, if this is an issue
-Giving the child a reasonable level of choices
-Changing one's OWN behavior (Are you triggering the bad behavior in your kid?)
-The "Look"
-Time-out
-Loss of privileges, such as PS3 or weekend activities
-Grounding
-Trip
s to a licensed counselor
If ALL of that fails--which after having worked with kids for years now, I guarantee you it won't in 99% of cases--AND the licensed counselor says it's a good idea, then go ahead and spank. Yes I mean that; while it may hurt some feelings to say that parents should seek an outside opinion, I counter with all the arguments I have mentioned here against spankings. In short, when I say spankings should be a last resort, I mean an absolute, he's-about-to-seriously-hurt-someone situation, where *every single one* of the above tactics has been tried. And not a second before.
There. My encyclopedia post is written.
