Women, are you wondering why he stopped calling?

[DallasApple]

Actually, my co-worker today was going over the details on how her boyfriend of several years still pays for everything. Everything.

You know my husband did too.But then later I put down the down payment on the house that he and I both had our names on before we married.He didn't have any money he spent it all on dates. And by the way I was only 19 when I put the money down on this house we still own.And its doubled in value.

 

[DallasApple]

And we were debating about whether a $150 dinner for two would count as an acceptable birthday present. I said it was more than acceptable, in fact way too much for my taste. Her opinion was that even if he did a $150 dinner, he should still buy her something because it doesn't count as a present.

She is definitely spoiled.And is missing out on the joys of gratefulness not to mention giving.

 

[Me Myself]

Boy, her wallet's gonna have a hard time if those two ever break-up! :cover:

THe guy most have a terrible self esteem, poor thing.

 

[Aquitaine]

When I ask my friends if they want to go to the movies they never asked me to pay.

It is understood by default this wont happen, unless you tell them "I am broke, you buy my ticket I owe you "

No reason to have it any different on a date, except the custom.

The faster it dies out, the more progressive the society, as with a lot of little everyday sexism.

Even more progessive though would be women asking men out to become way more popular. I understand it approaches 50 50 in some countries.

I suppose the idea is that on a first date, the person initiating it is attempting to woo the other person, and "treat" them for going along with it. I don't really think it's the same as a bunch of friends going out to the cinema together.

Oh and for the record, Male or Female, it would make sense to me that the initiator of the first date pays for it. After all, you are asking them out.

 

[Badran]

TBH, I ve seen so many POE's sometimes I cant tell

Also Sarcasm-o-meter glitch.

But the thing is that I dont see it as inherently wrong, my problem is how often there is sexism involved in that phrase.

I don't think it's inherently wrong either, as i indicated by actually saying that i have no problems with paying for everything on some occasions and vice versa.

I was poking fun at the idea of how sometimes males would think of this as something to be proud of, or something that is an obligation, indication of manhood etc. Then i addressed it's refection on the woman when it's in a certain manner.

 

[Me Myself]

I don't think it's inherently wrong either, as i indicated by actually saying that i have no problems with paying for everything on some occasions and vice versa.

I was poking fun at the idea of how sometimes males would think of this as something to be proud of, or something that is an obligation, indication of manhood etc. Then i addressed it's refection on the woman when it's in a certain manner.

Yeah I think I got it now

 

[Me Myself]

I suppose the idea is that on a first date, the person initiating it is attempting to woo the other person, and "treat" them for going along with it. I don't really think it's the same as a bunch of friends going out to the cinema together.

Oh and for the record, Male or Female, it would make sense to me that the initiator of the first date pays for it. After all, you are asking them out.

if their presence/pesonality and undivided attention aint treat enough, then the date went obviously wrong.

 

[DallasApple]

But seriously, i essentially don't care about the details much, who asks should pay or not seems irrelevant and fine with me either way. What i care more about is the reasons behind anything. If i feel the woman has this expectancy that a man should always pay, or that she cares too much about cultural customs, that'd be something i'll get worried about,

Me too.Including a guy asking me out getting all bent out of shape that I didn't offer to pay half as is his idea of the cultural custom.If he feels the need to throw a hissy fit, accuse me of being un-progressive and barbaric over that ....UM how bout this..I'll pay for yours and mine AND I will PAY you to NEVER call me again.

 

[Penumbra]

Boy, her wallet's gonna have a hard time if those two ever break-up! :cover:

Not necessarily, because since she has virtually zero expenses except for her own personal shopping (which she loves to do), she saves most of her engineering salary and it builds up.

 

[Aquitaine]

if their presence/pesonality and undivided attention aint treat enough, then the date went obviously wrong.

Meh, if you're gonna ask someone out on a first date, you can at least pay for it, after all *you* are trying to woo *them*.

But hey, it varies from people to people, and culture to culture.

 

[Me Myself]

Me too.Including a guy asking me out getting all bent out of shape that I didn't offer to pay half as is his idea of the cultural custom.If he feels the need to throw a hissy fit, accuse me of being un-progressive and barbaric over that ....UM how bout this..I'll pay for yours and mine AND I will PAY you to NEVER call me again.

Is this a continued deliberate misinterpretation of calladan's remark?

 

[Aquitaine]

Not necessarily, because since she has virtually zero expenses except for her own personal shopping (which she loves to do), she saves most of her engineering salary and it builds up.

Fair enough. Still her insistence on having him pay for everything does seem odd given the circumstances. But hey, who am I to judge.

 

[Badran]

Me too.Including a guy asking me out getting all bent out of shape that I didn't offer to pay half as is his idea of the cultural custom. If he feels the need to throw a hissy fit, accuse me of being un-progressive and barbaric over that ....

Anybody that stuck to a cultural custom would look stupid to me.

UM how bout this..I'll pay for yours and mine AND I will PAY you to NEVER call me again.

Makes sense in such a situation. No reason to want to hear back from an idiot like that.

Is there a reason for the caps, by the way, or is it just your way of emphasizing certain parts?

 

[Caladan]

Is this a continued deliberate misinterpretation of calladan's remark?

We can keep pretending that this whole discussion revolves around who pays for the first date, which is rather pathetic considering this isn't even what the OP is examining.

 

[Me Myself]

Fair enough. Still her insistence on having him pay for everything does seem odd given the circumstances. But hey, who am I to judge.

Sense of entitlement.

Not weird by the slightest.

 

[Me Myself]

We can keep pretending that this whole discussion revolves around who pays for the first date, which is rather pathetic considering this isn't even what the OP is examining.

what would you say it is?

 

[Caladan]

what would you say it is?

The people who answered the survey clearly discuss an ongoing dating process. All people who take part in this thread need to do is actually read the damn survey.

 

[DallasApple]

Is this a continued deliberate misinterpretation of calladan's remark?

I have no idea what you are talking about.I'm taking his remark and applying it to a different but similar situation .Where a "man" due to his cultural beliefs is "expecting" that dates are 1/2 and if she doesn't offer gets highly offended calls her sexist and barbaric.It wouldn't be about who pays for who anymore.It would be about someone who is that hung up on what their cultural "norm" is and so worried about being "discriminated against" by me because they had a penis, that I would be out of there in a heartbeat.(after I paid for his mine and the tip).

 

[Caladan]

I have no idea what you are talking about.I'm taking his remark and applying it to a different but similar situation .Where a "man" due to his cultural beliefs is "expecting" that dates are 1/2 and if she doesn't offer gets highly offended calls her sexist and barbaric.It wouldn't be about who pays for who anymore.It would be about someone who is that hung up on what their cultural "norm" is and so worried about being "discriminated against" by me because they had a penis, that I would be out of there in a heartbeat.(after I paid for his mine and the tip).

Sorry Dallas, you are the only one who is severally offended here. I'm mostly chuckling my way around this thread and enjoying myself. I'd never get a culture shock from a woman who never wants to contribute in a romantic ride which after all takes two to tango. I'll simply think she's living in the bloody past. The bloody distant past. I'll lose interest and tell her thank you, but no thanks, good luck and goodbye. If you bothered reading my posts instead of getting into a hissy fit, you will see that I have no problem paying for treats (actually much bigger treats than a measly dinner) when I wish to.

 

[DallasApple]

Meh, if you're gonna ask someone out on a first date, you can at least pay for it, after all *you* are trying to woo *them*.

But hey, it varies from people to people, and culture to culture.

I guess "wooing" is barbaric now.Funny if its the woman wooing the man its a "turn on" ..if its the man wooing the woman its "sexist".Whats next all flattery is out the window ?And that's what it is really ..flattering..."gifting" beyond your mere presence.I guess if I ever date again if the "man" brings me flowers I'll give him half to take home(so he can enjoy ) and give him how much my half cost.