will i be one of those nuts on the streetcorner with a cardboard sign???

[Distracto]

I really need help from any Christians that can be open minded enough...and want to hear me out. I am 28 years old, and married to a soldier. We move to another state or county every couple of years. I have been to all sorts of different churches throughout my life, and i have never found one that can fulfill my hunger for knowledge about God. I find it a struggle to go to any church for 2 reasons....1) i have allways been painfully shy and antisocial.... and i cant tell you how hard it really is for me to walk alone into a strange group of people 2) the simple lovey dovey messages being preached are unsatisfying and boring...topics that i feel i have somehow allways known all about. I have been to all sorts of churches; catholic, baptist, 7th day adventist, lutheran, etc. I am fascinated by religion and i read and watch everything about it that i can. I ask people about their beliefs as much as i can. I have read the bible, koran, and appocryphia(i think thats how its spelled).
I want to go to school to study theology, and i have a semester of it allready. I felt proud that i was the 1 student who impressed the proffessor. Now this pride is my biggest problem right now, and i know how this is a very bad thing. I feel guilty that it is like an instant instinct that i experience.. to feel proud about a gift i wouldnt have if God hadnt given it. I would not be able to live with myself unless i thank God for this gift. I guess in a nutshell it is the issue surrounding this pride that scares me and i am asking for your help. I feel very important to God for some reason. Everyone is important to God, but i have ALLWAYS felt that there is a mission that i am suppost to fulfill in my existence. My husband thinks i am just completely cookoo. I am allways wanting to bring up God in conversations. I think about him all of the time. I talk about him every chance i can get my friends to listen to it. I use God in the best way i can whenever my friends are having problems or pain. I see that i am the only person i have ever known who does this...without being a person who is avoided because of their "annoying" goodi goodness". I have seen these goodi goodies, and i know what people say about them....they "make me feel like they are better then me", they "are fake", "i avoid their phonecalls"...my aquaintences have told me about certain people they know. I meet a lot of people in the military life, and i am learning so much about people as a whole from it. I am a person that can be in a group of 6 drunk wives, and get them all talking about the Lord in between 1 womans expression about "some *****" she had to deal with at the post office...and another woman telling a gossip story about a neighbors "affair". The point is that i am accepted with people that need the most help finding God. I will be the first to admit that my behavior is still at a point where i have no right to preach for God. I am a shameful sinner whom is not ready to set an example for the Lord. Of course I have occassions when i tell myself ...no dont you dare do that...then moments later i am sinning anyways....exactly like a teen who disobeys her fathers rules because she really wants to go to that party. I dwell on these personal sins, and i will allways work on improving myself for God. I am truly saddened by how few people think of God more then 1 or 2 times a year....mostly christmas time. I know from studying the bible that christmas is a pagen holiday. Anyways, I often have to stop myself from speaking about God in fear of that feeling i sometimes get.....that i am viewed by others as a nut who will be standing at a street corner one day with a cardboard sign and yelling "the end is near, REPENT!!" I have these experiences with God that are so incredible and amazing, that i want to share them. But i have learned that i cant speak about them. Nobody around me understands what i experience. I have tried to explain something that is not in one of the 5 senses, and i cant do it. I once told my husband that God speaks to me, he truly thought i was having some schizophrenic like moment. It is so frustrating. I do not have schizophrenia i assure you. There have been a few conversations about God given miricles in my life with people that have gotten too deep, that i get an urgent message in my head. Its like STOP! this person is not capable of comprehending this at this time....and therefore i would be disrespecting God to continue on with explaining something that will be taken too lightly. These rare touches from God are way too phenomenal to allow any degree of lesserment. I am feeling very lonely. This thing in my personality that i thrive on, is so unnacceptable. I am not allowed to tell about this miricle that happened to me the other day, but if i was just another average worldly person, it would be perfectly acceptable to tell about how i had "beat some *****es ***" the other day. I have tried getting involved with my husbands church of Christ, but again it was very unsatisfying, and i dreaded going to that social ordeal every sunday. I will not go thru that sort of thing again. So here i am...telling full blown Christians that i am special to God in this world....it is my God called duty to teach others what they need to know. There are lots like me, but not enough. Most of the ones that feel they are called by God are deceived, and they are preaching false ideas about God.
I am rare because i search for the truth, the only 1 true religion from God. I am non denominational, but if i had a church of God near me, i would go. I do like the ideas of Herbert and Garner Armstrong. I feel that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have something to teach us all about the 1 true religion of God. I have a big web of beliefs that did not come from any 1 person or group. I think it is amazing that lots of people dont understand the bible. People sometimes show me scriptures in the bible, and i am amazed of how little they understand it. I certainly have trouble with it sometimes, but i had no idea that others couldnt understand it as simply as i did.
I appologize for how arrogant that I must sound. I am not speaking now so that i can sound ignorant. I am looking for help because i am allways teaching, and i have never really had any teachers. Can i tell you my deep honest feelings without being condemned by you? Can you just tell me where you think i am lost or not lost? *sigh* What on earth am i suppost to be doing........

 

[Mister Emu]

Let me see, I will try to help you out.

i have allways been painfully shy and antisocial.... and i cant tell you how hard it really is for me to walk alone into a strange group of people

I completley understand this. I goto a church that I grew up in so that is not a problem for me, let me just say that almost(if not) every church will heartily welcome you with love and kindness.

the simple lovey dovey messages being preached are unsatisfying and boring...topics that i feel i have somehow allways known all about.

Hmm,

I don't know how to help you here, as every story of God ends up with His love shining through for those who accept Him.

I felt proud that i was the 1 student who impressed the proffessor. Now this pride is my biggest problem right now, and i know how this is a very bad thing. I feel guilty that it is like an instant instinct that i experience.. to feel proud about a gift i wouldnt have if God hadnt given it. I would not be able to live with myself unless i thank God for this gift. I guess in a nutshell it is the issue surrounding this pride that scares me and i am asking for your help.

As long as you know that your gifts come from God don't worry. It is when you start saying "Wow, I am good" and not "Wow, thank you God" that you need to start thinking about your priorities.

I feel very important to God for some reason. Everyone is important to God, but i have ALLWAYS felt that there is a mission that i am suppost to fulfill in my existence.

If you let God lead you, always ask for His intervention and that His will be done, than your mission will come forth. I hope that you recognize it for what it is.

I am allways wanting to bring up God in conversations. I think about him all of the time. I talk about him every chance i can get my friends to listen to it. I use God in the best way i can whenever my friends are having problems or pain.

It is always great to "meet" another who loves God

I am a person that can be in a group of 6 drunk wives, and get them all talking about the Lord in between 1 womans expression about "some *****" she had to deal with at the post office...and another woman telling a gossip story about a neighbors "affair". The point is that i am accepted with people that need the most help finding God.

, I used to be a drug dealer, so I know what you mean.

I will be the first to admit that my behavior is still at a point where i have no right to preach for God. I am a shameful sinner whom is not ready to set an example for the Lord.

No one is sin free, if we were we wouldn't need Jesus, that does not nor should it stop us from spreading the good news.

Of course I have occassions when i tell myself ...no dont you dare do that...then moments later i am sinning anyways....exactly like a teen who disobeys her fathers rules because she really wants to go to that party

If there is a sin you cannot get yourself out of ask God, it works trust me, I got out of my old very sinful life, quit smoking marijuana, and cigarettes(I could smoke a pack in 4 hours), among other things cold shoulder, like bam right then, God is good and will help those who ask

I dwell on these personal sins, and i will allways work on improving myself for God.

Don't. As far as God is concerned when you have accepted Jesus as your savior and repent your sins, they are gone from the eyes of God.

I am truly saddened by how few people think of God more then 1 or 2 times a year....mostly christmas time. I know from studying the bible that christmas is a pagen holiday.

As am I, though I think it is a hinderence in the present day, changing some of the pagan holidays to Christian helped convert a multitude of people who otherwise would not have known the good news.

Anyways, I often have to stop myself from speaking about God in fear of that feeling i sometimes get.....that i am viewed by others as a nut who will be standing at a street corner one day with a cardboard sign and yelling "the end is near, REPENT!!"

That feeling is satan trying to stop you from preaching the good word. I see it as, if God uses me to bring even one life to Christ then my existence was worth it.

I have these experiences with God that are so incredible and amazing, that i want to share them. But i have learned that i cant speak about them. Nobody around me understands what i experience. I have tried to explain something that is not in one of the 5 senses, and i cant do it.

I so understand you, It is almost maddening trying to explain the how I feel when the Holy Spirit is in me.

I once told my husband that God speaks to me, he truly thought i was having some schizophrenic like moment. It is so frustrating. I do not have schizophrenia i assure you.

Ack! Don't worry, about that. If it is not prying, may I ask what God has revealed to you?

These rare touches from God are way too phenomenal to allow any degree of lesserment. I am feeling very lonely.

I agree. Don't feel lonely there are many, many Godly people out there(Christians make up 1/3 of the world)

Most of the ones that feel they are called by God are deceived, and they are preaching false ideas about God.

What do you believe are false ideas of God that people preach about?

I think it is amazing that lots of people dont understand the bible. People sometimes show me scriptures in the bible, and i am amazed of how little they understand it. I certainly have trouble with it sometimes, but i had no idea that others couldnt understand it as simply as i did.

Well if you ever want to have a biblical discussion, there is a special forum for it. It dismays me as well that so many don't understand.

I do like the ideas of Herbert and Garner Armstrong.

Could you explain their beliefs, I have not heard of them before.

I feel that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have something to teach us all about the 1 true religion of God.

Hmm, well I believe that Judaism is the true religion from before Christ, and Islam has a reflection of the truth of God, but that belief in Jesus is the truth.

Can i tell you my deep honest feelings without being condemned by you? Can you just tell me where you think i am lost or not lost? *sigh* What on earth am i suppost to be doing

Feel free to tell your true feelings, no condemnation from this Christian. I have not really had any insight into your beliefs, but if you accept Jesus as the savior then your doing great.

 

[SaraLee]

Thanks for your heartfelt post. You opened up and expressed your deep feelings, desires and a few uncertanties. Being a searcher, I have had some of the same feelings and questions about myself and others, even completed an Interfaith School of Ministry which delved into many religions, with the desire to find my own center and belife system and to have some clarity about what is true and how I am to use my knowing. I can not relate to organized religion and am also on the shy side, which has often held me back from being expessive, but on the other hand I've found that often being on the quiet side gives me an edge when it comes to talking to people in my efforts to aide as long as I am nonjudgemental in my approach or towards others.

I wasn't sure what exactly you were wanting to figure out at this point, but IMO it sounds like you truly believe in God and have a strong desire to share that with others in your own way and how delightful that is! Helping people who want help is true spiritual work so keep on the path. As for being special, I like to think that we are all special but each person has their own gifts to give so go with your gift of studing and teaching and helping no matter what anyone says. I also believe that God speaks to us and gives to us what we need in due time and if you keep an open heart and do not judge yourself or others, you will come to know your path and how best to serve others.

It can be confusing and from my experience, I have found it most helpful to accept confusion as part of the process of finding yourself and your connection to God. It may take some time, but as long as you remain open and are unconditional in your learning and nonjudgemental of others, you will come to understand what you are to learn and do.
SaraLee

 

[Scott1]

I believe that Mr Emu and Saralee's posts about sum up what I was going to say, but I wanted to jump on here and give my support to you. Keep on searching and being honest.... thank you very much for your post.

Hello and welcome! God bless you,
Scott

 

[cardero]

I have also passed through the myriad of organized religions looking to find out who GOD was. Though I have drawn the same conclusions about these institutions as you have I would not trade the experience for anything. The study of different religions, beliefs and philosophies helped me to develop respect for other people, helped me to UNDERSTAND why people believed the way they do but also defined exactly what type of REALationship I wanted to have with GOD.

Sometimes in order to find out who GOD is we have to find out what GOD is not (at least in our own personal lives).

My REALationship started not from a difficult background or a bitter religious experience but from the mere curiosity to discover if it was possible to conduct a REALationship with GOD like Biblical authors claimed or like I conduct my current REALationships with other people. It was my choice to approach GOD it was also my choice to continue and encourage our conversations and now whenever I have a question or concern I can ALL(ways) rely on GOD to be available for me.

It is not easy to tell people you talk with GOD but it is through this honest, open dialogue that I have been able to fully get to K(NOW) GOD and how GOD UNDERSTANDS us as a society and ALL of these conversations have been very enlightening to me. I realized that my REALationship with GOD will ALL(ways) BE personal because I am personal and I am an individual who requires individual UNDERSTANDING. I would wish the best for you and I would continue your REALationship with GOD and if you have any questions or concerns do not hesitate to ask GOD or anybody here. There is much wisdom among US.

 

[Ravensong]

Maybe you should look into becomeing a minister .... You don't need to be a saint to share your love for God with others .

 

[HelpMe]

you can do anything you put your mind to

 

[may]

I really need help from any Christians that can be open minded enough...and want to hear me out. I am 28 years old, and married to a soldier. We move to another state or county every couple of years. I have been to all sorts of different churches throughout my life, and i have never found one that can fulfill my hunger for knowledge about God. I find it a struggle to go to any church for 2 reasons....1) i have allways been painfully shy and antisocial.... and i cant tell you how hard it really is for me to walk alone into a strange group of people 2) the simple lovey dovey messages being preached are unsatisfying and boring...topics that i feel i have somehow allways known all about. I have been to all sorts of churches; catholic, baptist, 7th day adventist, lutheran, etc. I am fascinated by religion and i read and watch everything about it that i can. I ask people about their beliefs as much as i can. I have read the bible, koran, and appocryphia(i think thats how its spelled).
I want to go to school to study theology, and i have a semester of it allready. I felt proud that i was the 1 student who impressed the proffessor. Now this pride is my biggest problem right now, and i know how this is a very bad thing. I feel guilty that it is like an instant instinct that i experience.. to feel proud about a gift i wouldnt have if God hadnt given it. I would not be able to live with myself unless i thank God for this gift. I guess in a nutshell it is the issue surrounding this pride that scares me and i am asking for your help. I feel very important to God for some reason. Everyone is important to God, but i have ALLWAYS felt that there is a mission that i am suppost to fulfill in my existence. My husband thinks i am just completely cookoo. I am allways wanting to bring up God in conversations. I think about him all of the time. I talk about him every chance i can get my friends to listen to it. I use God in the best way i can whenever my friends are having problems or pain. I see that i am the only person i have ever known who does this...without being a person who is avoided because of their "annoying" goodi goodness". I have seen these goodi goodies, and i know what people say about them....they "make me feel like they are better then me", they "are fake", "i avoid their phonecalls"...my aquaintences have told me about certain people they know. I meet a lot of people in the military life, and i am learning so much about people as a whole from it. I am a person that can be in a group of 6 drunk wives, and get them all talking about the Lord in between 1 womans expression about "some *****" she had to deal with at the post office...and another woman telling a gossip story about a neighbors "affair". The point is that i am accepted with people that need the most help finding God. I will be the first to admit that my behavior is still at a point where i have no right to preach for God. I am a shameful sinner whom is not ready to set an example for the Lord. Of course I have occassions when i tell myself ...no dont you dare do that...then moments later i am sinning anyways....exactly like a teen who disobeys her fathers rules because she really wants to go to that party. I dwell on these personal sins, and i will allways work on improving myself for God. I am truly saddened by how few people think of God more then 1 or 2 times a year....mostly christmas time. I know from studying the bible that christmas is a pagen holiday. Anyways, I often have to stop myself from speaking about God in fear of that feeling i sometimes get.....that i am viewed by others as a nut who will be standing at a street corner one day with a cardboard sign and yelling "the end is near, REPENT!!" I have these experiences with God that are so incredible and amazing, that i want to share them. But i have learned that i cant speak about them. Nobody around me understands what i experience. I have tried to explain something that is not in one of the 5 senses, and i cant do it. I once told my husband that God speaks to me, he truly thought i was having some schizophrenic like moment. It is so frustrating. I do not have schizophrenia i assure you. There have been a few conversations about God given miricles in my life with people that have gotten too deep, that i get an urgent message in my head. Its like STOP! this person is not capable of comprehending this at this time....and therefore i would be disrespecting God to continue on with explaining something that will be taken too lightly. These rare touches from God are way too phenomenal to allow any degree of lesserment. I am feeling very lonely. This thing in my personality that i thrive on, is so unnacceptable. I am not allowed to tell about this miricle that happened to me the other day, but if i was just another average worldly person, it would be perfectly acceptable to tell about how i had "beat some *****es ***" the other day. I have tried getting involved with my husbands church of Christ, but again it was very unsatisfying, and i dreaded going to that social ordeal every sunday. I will not go thru that sort of thing again. So here i am...telling full blown Christians that i am special to God in this world....it is my God called duty to teach others what they need to know. There are lots like me, but not enough. Most of the ones that feel they are called by God are deceived, and they are preaching false ideas about God.
I am rare because i search for the truth, the only 1 true religion from God. I am non denominational, but if i had a church of God near me, i would go. I do like the ideas of Herbert and Garner Armstrong. I feel that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have something to teach us all about the 1 true religion of God. I have a big web of beliefs that did not come from any 1 person or group. I think it is amazing that lots of people dont understand the bible. People sometimes show me scriptures in the bible, and i am amazed of how little they understand it. I certainly have trouble with it sometimes, but i had no idea that others couldnt understand it as simply as i did.
I appologize for how arrogant that I must sound. I am not speaking now so that i can sound ignorant. I am looking for help because i am allways teaching, and i have never really had any teachers. Can i tell you my deep honest feelings without being condemned by you? Can you just tell me where you think i am lost or not lost? *sigh* What on earth am i suppost to be doing........

IF you are searching for the truth ,may i suggest that you study the bible with Jehovahs witnesses

 

[Druidus]

While not Christian (I did used to be), I feel that I may be able to help you some, whether or not you take the advice. My suggestion to you is to take a long walk in a forest. When you are in the forest far enough that you can't hear the outside world, and all that is, is you and your mind. Find a nice rock, or log, to sit on. Think then. Think long and hard. Think of yourself, and your relation to the world, and your God. Communicate with your God, by thought. Whatever God really is, she will answer. Finally, after you have thought of all your worries, and communicated with your God (don't worry if there is no response that you hear), look at all of your problems. Come up with a solution for each one, regardless of how silly the solution is (Say, you don't want to go somewhere, so you say that aliens will abduct you, or somesuch). After all of this is done, meditate. Meditation is a practice used in any religion, and is very beneficial. It has helped me in my search greatly. There are many ways to meditate, and I'll list one here.

Burning Flame of the Mind

Sit and calm yourself. Lying down is good, but don't fall asleep. Try to have little or no noise for this meditation. Think of your mind as a flame. Picture that flame in your mind. Make it a small one, little more then a spark, really. Hold the image, don't let it go. Finally, when it becomes easy enough to hold the image there, make it bigger. Hold it, until you feel that you can make it bigger. Continue this, until the flame consumes your thoughts, and your mind. Hold this, and think of nothing but the flame. Watch it's dance. If you keep this flame as it is for a while, you should feel that you can make it bigger. Try. If you succeed, you should enter into true meditation. Your mind will go blank, and sometimes the flame will dissipate. If it doesn't, and your mind stays blank, it almost gains a mind of your own. Your subconscious is controlling it now. Stay with this meditation for a while. It is during meditation that you are most susceptible to any possible messages from a divine being.

Good luck, and I hope this helps! If you want more information, feel free to PM me.

 

[Scuba Pete]

and i cant tell you how hard it really is for me to walk alone into a strange group of people

I would invite you to my church, but we are the strangest of the lot.

Don't worry about being unique like everyone else on this planet. Just worry about trying to please God and all else will come to you! If you really want to understand scripture, spend a lot of time reading CS Lewis. The Screwtape Letters, the Chronocles of Narnia, and even his Space triolgy all give deep insight in the phenomena known as God and man.

Do stay away from sects that claim to be "the church". You will know the right one when you find it. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

 

[Scuba Pete]

BTW, the title of this reminded me of the old man holding up the signs in "Bruce Almighty". Turned out that he was God just trying to make us think. That was a great movie.

 

[½ Sane]

spend a lot of time reading CS Lewis. The Screwtape Letters.

I didn’t spend a lot of time reading it but that is sooome book. Heavy stuff there.