Why do people lie?

[DallasApple]

O.K ...for instance if you are married or whatever(signicant special other) and you want a hug from them..

Why not say .."I need a hug from you"..????

Why say...."do you need a hug" or even "do you want a hug"?

Why lie?

Love

Dallas

 

[Quagmire]

Well in the example you gave, looks like the person presented it the way they did so they would get to seem nurturing rather than needy.

 

[DallasApple]

How about this one..

"I want your opinion"

Then they say what their opinion is first and you have a differnt one.

Are you suppopsed to just agree because they really didnt want your opinion?They just wanted a back up on what their opinion was no matter what you think?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Well in the example you gave, looks like the person presented it the way they did so they would get to seem nurturing rather than needy.

So they are a liar??

Love

Dallas

 

[Quagmire]

So they are a liar??

Love

Dallas

It isn't exactly honest, but since we're talking about a married cpl, well, "all's fair ing love and war".

How about this one..

"I want your opinion"

Then they say what their opinion is first and you have a differnt one.

Are you suppopsed to just agree because they really didnt want your opinion?They just wanted a back up on what their opinion was no matter what you think?

Love

Dallas

I think you nailed that one, Lana. One of the new guys at work used to turn every cigarette break into either an argument or a pro-bono therapy session (with him as the patient).

He'd come up with the most off-the-wall crap and then go completely ballistic when nobody would co-sign it for him (he's a Michel Savage/Rush Limbough groupie).

He finally wound up getting beat up by one of the clients.

 

[DallasApple]

It isn't exactly honest, but since we're talking about a married cpl, well, "all's fair ing love and war".



I think you nailed that one, Lana. One of the new guys at work used to turn every cigarette break into either an argument or a pro-bono therapy session (with him as the patient).

He'd come up with the most off-the-wall crap and then go completely ballistic when nobody would co-sign it for him (he's a Michel Savage/Rush Limbough groupie).

He finally wound up getting beat up by one of the clients.

O.K I understand that one..Especially the part about beating the crap out of them.(or the urge at the very least)

I think in all honesty.. if you have to deal with a micro managing control freak liar.HIGHLY manipulative and needy beyond belief..person???

If you want to survive and not get into a fist fight where in the end YOU look like the crazy person just "agree".

Love

Dallas

 

[Quagmire]

O.K I understand that one..Especially the part about beating the crap out of them.(or the urge at the very least)

I think in al honestly..you have to deal with a micro mangaing control freak liar.HIGHLY manipulative and needy beyond belief..person.

If you want to survive and not get into a fist fight where in the end YOU look like the crazy person just "agree".

Love

Dallas

It's a tough one, especially when it's somebody you have to deal with---co-workers, roommates, family...

What I keep having to remind myself is; "This person doesn't want to have a conversation, they don't want to negotiate, they certainly don't want a conflicting perspective.

This person wants their way. Period. Whether it's fair or not, whether it makes sense or not, whether it's the best overall course of action or not.

If you're trying to be reasonable, and the other person is just trying to get their way it can put you at a disadvantage.

It helps a lot to bear in mind that someone who acts the way I'm describing is emotionally stunted; they never got out of the pre-school "me" stage. If, having established that that's the situation, all you can do is treat them like a 4 year old; humor them to what ever extent you can without making any meaningful concessions.

 

[3.14]

because lieing is what this sociaty is based on,

telling a woman that her cloth do not make her fat has saved more men then jesus ever will

 

[blm2007]

People mostly lie to save them from all those wrong deeds they have done.As far you example goes,there is nothing to ask for a hug or seek permission to go for a hug.Just go for it,if you love him/her.

 

[Kathryn]

When confronted with a situation like this, seek first to understand the other's perspective. Why is it so important to "nail" someone else, to "catch" them in a "lie" like the ones we're discussing? If you've got them figured out, then you're in the power seat psychologically. They're not controlling you if you've really got their number.

Be generous, be kind, be compassionate if your loved one gives you a hug because they need a hug. What's the point in riding their *** about WHY they're hugging you? At least they want a hug from YOU and not someone else! Ride their *** about it and they may go somewhere else next time.

As for the obnoxious co worker (and believe me, they come in all political and religious shapes and sizes), if you don't agree with their agenda, you don't have to listen to it. Excuse yourself with something along the lines of, "Well, I'm sure you have your reasons for believing that, and I have my reasons for believing otherwise. But what does that really have to do with our jobs? Let's keep things on a professional level."

 

[ChristineES]

Here are some reasons people lie:
1. They don't want to get someone else angry at them.
2. They don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
3. They don't want to get into trouble.
4. They can't help it (pathological liars).
5. They are covering for another lie.

 

[Buttons*]

O.K ...for instance if you are married or whatever(signicant special other) and you want a hug from them..

Why not say .."I need a hug from you"..????

Why say...."do you need a hug" or even "do you want a hug"?

Why lie?

Love

Dallas

Study psychology.... you may get a few different answers. I am in a relationship where I can actually say whatever I'm feeling. I regularly say, "I need a hug."

My guess is that the person in this scenario doesn't want to be rejected. How would it feel if you said "I need a hug" and the other person said, "I'm sorry, I can't give you one right now"? It would suck, but at least you'd have honesty out of it. But seriously, is this that big of a deal Dallas?

 

[Kathryn]

Or what if you wanted a hug but felt a bit shy about it, so you said, "Need a hug?" and your loved one said, "I don't need one, and why are you putting it that way anyway? YOU'RE the one that needs a hug, not me! Sheeze, why can't you just be honest and say what you really want? You act like I'M the needy one when YOU are! Get over yourself - I don't need you, you need me - admit it! What kind of spineless, unaware cretin am I with anyway?"

 

[Mr Cheese]

What about, "I need a grope"?

Its more honest

 

[Buttons*]

What about, "I need a grope"?

Its more honest

I'd probably sigh, roll over, and say "ok..." but only if we were at home