What is marriage to you?

[Evee]

hmmm, we didnt decide to be in a monogamous relationship based on what benefits we could receive from outside sources........ i guess i was under the delusion that marriage meant more than that........

so if we are not married, then what would you call the sort of relationship we are in?

Well, if I get married holding my current spiritual beliefs, my marriage WILL have meaning outside of "what can I get from this?". I believe that if you get married intentionally before G-d, you've found the other half of your soul and you're bound together in some kind of mystical whole again, probably followed by some kind of happily ever after. (I'm allowed to be naive, aren't I?) The marriage is a formal commitment to your spouse before a whole bunch of witnesses--your spiritual teachers, your loved ones and G-d. It serves the purpose of showing G-d that, now that you've found the other pieces of your soul, you're dedicating them ALL to Him. It's a sign to G-d that you're ready to start a new phase of your life, one that includes sex and babies if that's what G-d wants for you, and other stuff that married people do.

But you clearly haven't chosen that path, so I assumed that you didn't hold those beliefs and so that definition of marriage means nothing to you--it's just insignificant, not applicable. The merriam-webster definition doesn't apply to you, either, if you're not recognized by law in Texas. (Well, the 3rd, figurative meaning does if you think you and your _______ Amy are in a close and intimate union.)

If you didn't decide to be in a monogamous relationship because of the benefits it would bring you under the law or from G-d, then the only reason I see for being in a monogamous relationship is because that's the way you and your __________ feel most comfortable emotionally and sexually. If you, emotionally, sexually or just practically, feel more comfortable also calling yourself married, then I don't see why you shouldn't. If *I* ever had the need to refer to your relationship, I'd probably call it "a relationship". If further explanation was required, I'd say it was a long-term, commited, monogamous one.

But I'm really the wrong person to talk to about labelling relationships. I dated a guy for six months and the entire time we introduced each other as "The person I love and sometimes kiss."

 

[blackout]

Good question. I would have to say that marriage is a slowly swiriling cesspool of grief and despair, interspersed with brief moments of false hope.

I would have to agree with that.

All but the "brief moments of false hope" part.

Oh wait... *thinks back*....I do kind of remember those....

lol.

 

[whereismynotecard]

If you find the right person, maybe your marriage won't be so bad. I cannot think of many marriages I've seen that I would wish to mimic though... Most marriages I've seen I feel very grateful to not be a part of. That's why I'll never be married. Except to Baggins.

 

[blackout]

you can "get married", yet not "be married".

as well you can "be married" without "getting married".

"getting married" says "law" to me.
"being married" speaks more of a united state of being.

 

[blackout]

If you find the right person, maybe your marriage won't be so bad. I cannot think of many marriages I've seen that I would wish to mimic though... Most marriages I've seen I feel very grateful to not be a part of. That's why I'll never be married. Except to Baggins.

Well, following my last post, I certainly would never "get married" again.

If future partnerships ever "resemble" the thing people think of as a truly amazing marriage... I would be most happy with that.

Of course I am Poly.
So most people would probably never mistake my committed relationships for marriage anyway.
It's a good thing I really don't care then, I guess.

 

[Draka]

what would you consider a marriage?

i, for example, have been living with the same woman for about 5 years. have a monogamous relationship with her. love her very much, and consider her my wife, and she considers me her husband.
but we never went to any religious or government place. never had a ceremony of any sort. didnt exchange rings & dont wear rings. and have no certificate of any kind. we basically just decided that we were married, and didnt need anymore than that.

would of consider this sort of relationship as a marriage? why or why not? what are the minimum requirements for a marriage in your opinion?

I consider a marriage to be a loving consentual relationship between adults who want to be there for each other and live their lives together as a whole unit. Legalities matter not to me in that respect. Though, just fyi, if you lived here you'd be considered legally married anyway and could take advantage of all those benefits others are talking about here. Common-law marriage here and all. We also have same-gender marriage legal here too. Perhaps Iowa is just a loving place to be.

 

[Morse]

I consider a marriage to be a loving consentual relationship between adults who want to be there for each other and live their lives together as a whole unit. Legalities matter not to me in that respect. Though, just fyi, if you lived here you'd be considered legally married anyway and could take advantage of all those benefits others are talking about here. Common-law marriage here and all. We also have same-gender marriage legal here too. Perhaps Iowa is just a loving place to be.

But its Iowa.

 

[blackout]

I consider a marriage to be a loving consentual relationship between adults who want to be there for each other and live their lives together as a whole unit. Legalities matter not to me in that respect. Though, just fyi, if you lived here you'd be considered legally married anyway and could take advantage of all those benefits others are talking about here. Common-law marriage here and all. We also have same-gender marriage legal here too. Perhaps Iowa is just a loving place to be.

What if an equally loving consentual comitted relationship between three adults
made it impossible for Iowa law to discern a "couple"?

I highly doubt common-law marriage recognizes poly.

Would they flip a coin? To see which two 'win out'?

 

[JMorris]

What if an equally loving consentual comitted relationship between three adults
made it impossible for Iowa law to discern a "couple"?

I highly doubt common-law marriage recognizes poly.

Would they flip a coin? To see which two 'win out'?

thats a tricky one. personally i believe in monogamy, but i also dont care if other people go for poly.

 

[blackout]

thats a tricky one. personally i believe in monogamy, but i also dont care if other people go for poly.

What does that mean,
you "believe in" monogamy?

Is there something to "believe in"?
or "not believe in"?

 

[blackout]

Poly people cannot "get married" by 'US' law,
but they certainly can BE and LIVE married.

I don't personally give a rats behind who does or doesn't "recognize it".
It doesn't make it any less so,
and I don't look to others for validation.

 

[blackout]

thats a tricky one. personally i believe in monogamy, but i also dont care if other people go for poly.

People don't "go for" poly.

They ARE poly, honey.

It's who they are.
It's how they love.

 

[JMorris]

People don't "go for" poly.

They ARE poly, honey.

It's who they are.
It's how they love.

k lol, i didnt mean for what i said to sound the way you took it

 

[blackout]

k lol, i didnt mean for what i said to sound the way you took it

Well, words mean things.

I'm very particular that way.

 

[.lava]

what would you consider a marriage?

i, for example, have been living with the same woman for about 5 years. have a monogamous relationship with her. love her very much, and consider her my wife, and she considers me her husband.
but we never went to any religious or government place. never had a ceremony of any sort. didnt exchange rings & dont wear rings. and have no certificate of any kind. we basically just decided that we were married, and didnt need anymore than that.

would of consider this sort of relationship as a marriage? why or why not? what are the minimum requirements for a marriage in your opinion?

marriage is a promise to keep for a life time where God and other people remain as witnesses. IMO people who live together but refuse marriage are escaping the responsibility. i don't mind for wearing rings. matter of fact wearing gold ring effects badly to magnetic feild of human body. (my latest lesson lol) she is like your wife. why don't you make her real wife then? your business to knw anyway...sorry if my angle offends you. don't mean too. i know how hard it is to keep promises while it is sort of easy to make one.






.

 

[Draka]

But its Iowa.

:slap:

What if an equally loving consentual comitted relationship between three adults
made it impossible for Iowa law to discern a "couple"?

I highly doubt common-law marriage recognizes poly.

Would they flip a coin? To see which two 'win out'?

There are plenty of reasons why a poly marriage is not legally done. You do hit up with problems when it comes to final say on things such as medical decisions and also with tax laws and legal requirements in a court of law and more. However, that is not to say that two people out of a threesome couldn't get married and each have legal documents drawn up to provide for a third person. Or, in the case of four or more, there could be marriages between certain couples and do the same legally as the trio would. However, there would still be some legalities that could not be afforded for someone in the equation. That's not to say the relationship is discredited though. However, marriages including more than two people would still qualify as bigamy and there are reasons for bigamy laws, and it has nothing to do with who loves whom or who is sleeping with whom.

If you notice in my original description though, I make no mention of any number of adults. I'm not to judge who or how many a person loves.

 

[blackout]

:slap:



There are plenty of reasons why a poly marriage is not legally done. You do hit up with problems when it comes to final say on things such as medical decisions and also with tax laws and legal requirements in a court of law and more. However, that is not to say that two people out of a threesome couldn't get married and each have legal documents drawn up to provide for a third person. Or, in the case of four or more, there could be marriages between certain couples and do the same legally as the trio would. However, there would still be some legalities that could not be afforded for someone in the equation. That's not to say the relationship is discredited though. However, marriages including more than two people would still qualify as bigamy and there are reasons for bigamy laws, and it has nothing to do with who loves whom or who is sleeping with whom.

If you notice in my original description though, I make no mention of any number of adults. I'm not to judge who or how many a person loves.

I wasn't "attacking" you honey.
I know you are not one to judge.

The thread is about "what is marriage"?

The law will not recognize poly marriages.
But that in no way invalidates the truth of their existence.

Luckily I need neither law, religion, institution, tradition
or other people (in any capacity) to "validate" me,
or my relationships.

 

[JMorris]

marriage is a promise to keep for a life time where God and other people remain as witnesses. IMO people who live together but refuse marriage are escaping the responsibility. i don't mind for wearing rings. matter of fact wearing gold ring effects badly to magnetic feild of human body. (my latest lesson lol) she is like your wife. why don't you make her real wife then? your business to knw anyway...sorry if my angle offends you. don't mean too. i know how hard it is to keep promises while it is sort of easy to make one.






.

but what is marriage? i love my wife and have every intention on staying with her "till death do us part", we have said as much. shouldnt god know this? so in what way am i refusing my responsibility? responsibility to do what? we live as husband & wife, what else am i to do? go through a ceremony (which will cost lots of $ we dont have)? as far as witnesses go, who? how many? our families know, who else needs to know? and in what way is my wife not a real wife? what is the difference?

 

[blackout]

but what is marriage? i love my wife and have every intention on staying with her "till death do us part", we have said as much. shouldnt god know this? so in what way am i refusing my responsibility? responsibility to do what? we live as husband & wife, what else am i to do? go through a ceremony (which will cost lots of $ we dont have)? as far as witnesses go, who? how many? our families know, who else needs to know? and in what way is my wife not a real wife? what is the difference?

You need formalities, and legalities, tradition and systemic approval!

You need a contract, and you need to sign it with your very life blood!

If you do not VOW to stay with this woman legally...
well how else do you expect that you will stay with her?!
or divorce her?!

 

[blackout]

but what is marriage? i love my wife and have every intention on staying with her "till death do us part", we have said as much. shouldnt god know this? so in what way am i refusing my responsibility? responsibility to do what? we live as husband & wife, what else am i to do? go through a ceremony (which will cost lots of $ we dont have)? as far as witnesses go, who? how many? our families know, who else needs to know? and in what way is my wife not a real wife? what is the difference?

You need formalities, and legalities, tradition and systemic approval!

You need a contract, and you need to sign it with your very life blood!

If you do not VOW to stay with this woman legally...
well how else do you expect that you will stay with her?!
or divorce her?!

Also, you are not supporting the economy.

How do you expect wedding planners to make a living?
Bakers? Dress makers? Personalized label printers.

They have to be able to afford their weddings too you know.

:tsk: