What if You Found Out That a Friend Was Racist or Otherwise Hatefully Prejudiced?

[Debater Slayer]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

 

[ChristineM]

Suppose you find out that one of your friends is racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

Having mixed children a racist "friend" cannot be tolerated.

Having quite a few gay friends, if i found out one of my other friends was homophobic I don't know what I'd do, it depends on the friend and how he/she reacts to my gay friends.

Same with anti trans and religious hatred. If they showd overt hatred to anyone then goodbye. If they kept their hatreds bottled up, under control then they have a chance.

 

[Altfish]

Suppose you find out that one of your friends is racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

I have lost a few friends because of Brexit and have backed off others because of their irrational anti-immigration views

 

[SalixIncendium]

It depends on the nature of the relationship...what the foundation is and what impact that bigotry has on any existing relationships I have with others and society in general.

Suffice it to say that it's one of the many reasons I haven't associated with my family for 16 years.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Having mixed children a racist "friend" cannot be tolerated.

Having quite a few gay friends, if i found out one of my other friends was homophobic I don't know what I'd do, it depends on the friend and how he/she reacts to my gay friends.

What if the homophobic friend didn't know any of your gay friends and only knew you, sharing their homophobic views while being open to discussing them?

Same with anti trans and religious hatred. If they showd overt hatred to anyone then goodbye. If they kept their hatreds bottled up, under control then they have a chance.

What if they expressed the hateful views only to you rather than to your friends, due to trusting you more than they did most people, and wanted to discuss them with you?

 

[Debater Slayer]

I have lost a few friends because of Brexit and have backed off others because of their irrational anti-immigration views

Were any of those people open to discussing their views with you or open to associating with a Remainer or supporter of immigration?

 

[Altfish]

Were any of those people open to discussing their views with you or open to associating with a Remainer or supporter of immigration?

Usually they were views shared when there was a gang of people (Not all whom I knew) in a pub. My friends and ex-friends are well aware of my left leaning political views.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Usually they were views shared when there was a gang of people (Not all whom I knew) in a pub. My friends and ex-friends are well aware of my left leaning political views.

Would you have been open to continuing the friendships provided that both of you could be open toward discussing (but not arguing over) such relatively controversial topics?

 

[Kenny]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

I agree that it depends on many variables and each case would be different.

I always would first look at myself.

For an example: what if the person isn’t homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful to any given religious groups but rather simply don’t agree with that philosophy or religion but I perceive it as hatred… then the problem isn’t in the other person but rather in our own hearts.

Now if the person was hateful, I would try to influence that person to change that into love. They will either hear me or they will hate me along with the others.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

I had a high school friend I reconnected with years ago. He had married another high school friend, so my partner and I used to invite them over in the summer for drinks around a fire.

A few years ago, he started telling pretty horrible racist jokes, which he had never done before. I asked him to stop, but he continued the next get-together so we didn't invite him back.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I agree that it depends on many variables and each case would be different.

I always would first look at myself.

For an example: what if the person isn’t homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful to any given religious groups but rather simply don’t agree with that philosophy or religion but I perceive it as hatred… then the problem isn’t in the other person but rather in our own hearts.

What if you could ascertain that they were indeed homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward a given religious group—for example, if they overtly expressed such hatred in no uncertain terms or openly advocated for harmful actions against any of those groups, such as by being opposed to their basic rights?

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

If I found that engagement was possible, I would engage those views.
If and when I determined that engagement was unproductive, I would end the friendship.

 

[Debater Slayer]

If I found that engagement was possible, I would engage those views.
If and when I determined that engagement was unproductive, I would end the friendship.

What would you deem as constituting unproductive engagement?

 

[ChristineM]

What if the homophobic friend didn't know any of your gay friends and only knew you, sharing their homophobic views while being open to discussing them?

In open discussion perhaps i could moderate the friends hatred, perhaps not. Hateful discussion is likely to upset me so it would have to he goodbye

What if they expressed the hateful views only to you rather than to your friends, due to trusting you more than they did most people, and wanted to discuss them with you?

See above.

 

[Audie]

How about attempting some nuance here.?
" Racism" is not joined at the hip to " hatred".
And it sure is not an absolute.

All the pretense, fingrr ppinting, name calling,
self congratulatory posing on supposed moral
high ground by no more accomplishment than
having the right expression on ones self is
almost enough to inspire some prejudice against
that sort of bigot.

Having reservations about aspects of immigration
or divers other things cerrently labelled by some
as "-phobic" is invidious and absurd.
It's not a mental illness, not irrational "fear".

If reservations about " trans" surgery, bodily
mutilation as psychiatric practice is a mental
condition, the other is out- of- the- park something worse..

I doubt anyone is wholly free of prejudice.

At NYU I heard an earnest white guy demonstrating how
pure of racism saying if there was (sic) race war he'd
side with blacks. I didn't point out the obvious.

Acquainted with (a friend is rare in life)
actually hateful persons, as I have been that's
a person to avoid.
Avoiding all with traces of prejudices means being a hermit. And then avoiding yourelf.

People who are prejudiced, re other races or nationalities?
Or the opposite sex?
Prejudice isn't even always for or against..
Very few if any don't have any opinion at all.
Ad often enough, usually I think it's post- judice

I'm prejudiced toward Americans. I've lingering background feeling against brits and Japanese.
I'm prejudiced in favour of Chunese.

If someone wants to call that hateful racism, go
ahead, but they're the ones with a problem. Not me.

 

[Altfish]

Would you have been open to continuing the friendships provided that both of you could be open toward discussing (but not arguing over) such relatively controversial topics?

The friendships remain, but somewhat strained and with less 'get togethers'.
If Brexit, the current government, immigration are mentioned, I switch off and go to the loo.

 

[Debater Slayer]

How about attempting some nuance here.?
" Racism" is not joined at the hip to " hatred".
And it sure is not an absolute.

All the pretense, fingrr ppinting, name calling,
self congratulatory posing on supposed moral
high ground by no more accomplishment than
having the right expression on ones self is
almost enough to inspire some prejudice against
that sort of bigot.

I intentionally left the question in the OP broad so as to allow more room for individual answers. For the same reason, I also didn't attempt to define what constituted racism, homophobia, or anti-trans attitudes.

Whether racism necessarily or always implies hatred is a separate discussion. The premise of the OP is that one has already established that a friend harbors hateful prejudice, be it racist or otherwise.

Having reservations about aspects of immigration
or divers other things cerrently labelled by some
as "-phobic" is invidious and absurd.
It's not a mental illness, not irrational "fear".

If reservations about " trans" surgery, bodily
mutilation as psychiatric practice is a mental
condition, the other is out- of- the- park something worse..

I doubt anyone is wholly free of prejudice.

At NYU I heard an earnest white guy demonstrating how
pure of racism saying if there was (sic) race war he'd
side with blacks. I didn't point out the obvious.

Acquainted with (a friend is rare in life)
actually hateful persons, as I have been that's
a person to avoid.
Avoiding all with traces of prejudices means being a hermit. And then avoiding yourelf.

People who are prejudiced, re other races or nationalities?
Or the opposite sex?
Prejudice isn't even always for or against..
Very few if any don't have any opinion at all.
Ad often enough, usually I think it's post- judice

I'm prejudiced toward Americans. I've lingering background feeling against brits and Japanese.
I'm prejudiced in favour of Chunese.

If someone wants to call that hateful racism, go
ahead, but they're the ones with a problem. Not me.

See above. You can ignore any examples that you don't find to qualify as hatred. Instead, pick any example of a prejudice that you personally think qualifies as hatred and assume you have found out that a friend harbors it. That's the premise of the question.

In that situation, how do you react, and why?

 

[Regiomontanus]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

I almost lost an old, dear, friend because after he joined the MAGA cult he started to be very intolerant of some of my long standing views (especially my socialism). At this point, we still talk but not as often. If we stick to topics such as our kids and grandkids, baseball, music, etc., and avoid politics - we are OK. But it is not the same.

 

[Eddi]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

I terminated a friendship with someone after he suddenly revealed he was a massive homophobe

There is no way I could ever be friends with a person like that

I have principles that I live my life by

 

[Debater Slayer]

I terminated a friendship with someone after he suddenly revealed he was a massive homophobe

There is no way I could ever be friends with a person like that

I have principles that I live my life by

As far as someone's views go, where do you draw the line after which you could no longer be friends with someone? Which beliefs would be beyond the red line?