What exact sins did I commit?

[dybmh]

... noted.

freedom isn't free

 

[Eddi]

To deal with it properly, you need to uncover why you did this to someone who you claimed was a friend, and determine what you were getting out of it, and what it cost the other person. Then, you need to examine yourself to see if this motive still animates your behavior in any way, today, so that you can own up to it and put a stop to it.

Once you know that you have freed yourself from whatever poison within you motivated this behavior, and you are sure that it no longer influences you, or will, you can consider that change to be your amends.

Thank you, that is excellent advice

Personally, I would leave the other fellow be. I doubt he needs or wants your apology.

That's exactly what I've been thinking:

I'll leave him be

And if he ever googles "Calderdale Design Club" he will see that I truly regret what I did, as I never apologised to him.

 

[Eddi]

vain-glory

Yes, that sounds about right, I was such a little ****

However, it seems like it's a part of human nature, if you continue to look in the story, G-d gives people the power to crush this part of our nature. ( Genesis 3:15 )

Thanks for providing the scripture

I was having a hard time understanding it but then I read it in its context

It's very powerful

 

[dybmh]

Yes, that sounds about right, I was such a little ****

*was*... past tense... agreed.

Thanks for providing the scripture

I was having a hard time understanding it but then I read it in its context

It's very powerful

You're welcome.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Question: What sins would you say I committed against him?

I don't see it as sin. You were young then, you realized the errors of that fiasco, and you certainly don't seem the type to do such a thing again. It's called being human. We all make mistakes. It's only wrong when we dont learn better and repeat the same actions.

 

[Fool]

... noted.

freedom isn't free

not when someone else wants to enslave you, no it isn't.

 

[sun rise]

I broke the golden rule

Every human has broken the golden rule at some time or other. Even saints were once sinners.

I can't give you advice but I can celebrate your growth as a person from this mistake and pray that you continue down the path of increasing love and learning.

 

[dybmh]

not when someone else wants to enslave you, no it isn't.

it's all about perspective isn't it? What you're describing above sounds like being pursued, which isn't freedom.

What I'm saying is... Freedom isn't free, Freedom has a price.

Do you agree with that?

 

[Fool]

it's all about perspective isn't it? What you're describing above sounds like being pursued, which isn't freedom.

What I'm saying is... Freedom isn't free, Freedom has a price.

Do you agree with that?

freedom isn't free only because those of service to self seek to enslave. without the service to self then freedom is free.


freedom only has a price when two are competing for one thing; otherwise there is no conflict, no competition.

 

[dybmh]

freedom isn't free only because those of service to self seek to enslave. without the service to self then freedom is free.


freedom only has a price when two are competing for one thing; otherwise there is no conflict, no competition.

Beautiful. Agreed.

Thank you.

 

[rrobs]

In the past I’ve done something horrible that I know (and knew then) was wrong. I’m not proud of it indeed it’s totally shameful. I've felt incredibly guilty about it for years now, and I believe that because of this I cannot call myself a "good person", even though I'm now a totally different person than I was when I did those horrible, cruel things to such a kind and gentle soul.

Would you feel better if you knew God forgave you and cleansed you from all unrighteousness (let that sink in...cleansed from ALL unrighteousness)?

It'll take you about 1 second to confess (admit) your sin to God. Guess what He'll do in about another microsecond?

1John 1:9,

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.​

Jesus sure made things simple for us!

The other angle you may want to consider is that you did all of that before you were born again. As such you acted in perfect accord with Romans chapter one. Read it carefully and I think you will agree that the state of people before the new birth is most definitely not a pretty one. That's why we needed a savior. Now that you have one, all is well.

 

[King Phenomenon]

 

[Rational Agnostic]

In the past I’ve done something horrible that I know (and knew then) was wrong. I’m not proud of it indeed it’s totally shameful. I've felt incredibly guilty about it for years now, and I believe that because of this I cannot call myself a "good person", even though I'm now a totally different person than I was when I did those horrible, cruel things to such a kind and gentle soul.

But there’s something I am unsure about: I know what I did was wrong but according to your religion, what exact sins did I commit?

This is what happened:

In 1996 I transferred to a new high school

I was put together with a lad called Gerald and in time we became friends

In 1998 me and a friend who was not as nice as Gerald played an elaborate trick on him because we thought he was naive and gullible:

Basically, we made him believe he was in a society for gifted young people, we called it The Calderdale Design Club - or CDC. I made stuff up using the desktop publishing program on my Windows 95 PC and mailed it to him, through the post.

At its height, we gave him an assessment to complete. We had him designing aeroplanes, writing essays, and gave him all other kinds of exercises to complete. I wrote a biography of a Formula One racing driver who used to be a pilot in the US Navy and made him answer questions about him and spot all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. He was called Ernst Fibenger. He was supposed to do this assessment under examination conditions but he cheated.

We then broke the news to him that the CDC did not exist. We were going to send him on a mission to find a non-existent house party on a local council estate but thought better of it as we didn't want to jeopardise his personal safety.

This is what happened:

Me: “Do you believe in fairies?”

Him: “No”

Me: “Do you believe in ghosts?”

Him: “No”

Me: “Do you believe in the Loch Ness monster?”

Him: “No”

Me: “Then why did you believe in the CDC?”

He then burst into tears and ran off to the teachers

They were shocked and could hardly believe what had happened

One of them suggested that he should get a certificate for his efforts, but I was adamant that he’d cheated

We went before the Head Teacher but didn’t actually receive any punishment whatsoever for what we had done. Not a single minute's detention.

I later had to go to a meeting where all our mothers (mine, Gerald’s, and the friend’s) were present and it turned out that Gerald cried himself to sleep when he went to bed on the day we told him the CDC wasn’t real. Which was something I could relate to as in the past I too had cried myself to sleep because of awful things people had done to me.

But the thing was, at this meeting I took all the blame, not the friend who wasn’t even there, he was away on a school trip. But his mother told him to stay away from me. Which he didn’t.

This was in 1998 and I was at that school until 1999. After all this happened the atmosphere there was awful and unpleasant. We had to share classes with Gerald and it just felt horrible. I was glad to leave that school.

At that time I disliked him intensely, but looking back he was a lovely, kind, soft person. He was totally benign. A lovely, lovely person. And I feel very bad about what we did to him.

I’ve found him on Facebook and have considered contacting him and apologising for being such a ****. But having seen his profile, he is a more successful human being than I am so he’s probably had the last laugh.

I wish him well and am pleased for him.

So, that’s the story.

Question: What sins would you say I committed against him?

Well, you could say sorry on facebook if you want, but I think you're better off just forgetting about it. I doubt this guy ever even thinks or cares about this joke you played on him over 2 decades ago, and honestly it's not really a big deal. Obsessing over dumb stuff you did in high school isn't generally a healthy way to live, especially when you're apparently in your 30s. I'd suggest getting professional help if you can't learn to let go of your guilt.

 

[Stevicus]

I doubt this guy ever even thinks or cares about this joke you played on him over 2 decades ago, and honestly it's not really a big deal.

Well, you never know. It could be something like this:

 

[Katja]

Because I don't want to share the awful things I've done with someone I know in the offline world

Also, I find the minister at my church to be quite aloof and distant

Then don't. Talk to God about it. He's always there. There's no need to involve anyone else at all.


And no, don't contact this guy. Why would he want someone in his past who hurt him, dredged up out of his past because of *their* need to feel better about what they did? That's not his responsibility, to have to address an old hurt because you now feel guilty. Your bad feelings are not his problem. If you truly feel bad about it, then leave him alone and don't make him relive it. It will do nothing for him.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

In the past I’ve done something horrible that I know (and knew then) was wrong. I’m not proud of it indeed it’s totally shameful. I've felt incredibly guilty about it for years now, and I believe that because of this I cannot call myself a "good person", even though I'm now a totally different person than I was when I did those horrible, cruel things to such a kind and gentle soul.

But there’s something I am unsure about: I know what I did was wrong but according to your religion, what exact sins did I commit?

This is what happened:

In 1996 I transferred to a new high school

I was put together with a lad called Gerald and in time we became friends

In 1998 me and a friend who was not as nice as Gerald played an elaborate trick on him because we thought he was naive and gullible:

Basically, we made him believe he was in a society for gifted young people, we called it The Calderdale Design Club - or CDC. I made stuff up using the desktop publishing program on my Windows 95 PC and mailed it to him, through the post.

At its height, we gave him an assessment to complete. We had him designing aeroplanes, writing essays, and gave him all other kinds of exercises to complete. I wrote a biography of a Formula One racing driver who used to be a pilot in the US Navy and made him answer questions about him and spot all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. He was called Ernst Fibenger. He was supposed to do this assessment under examination conditions but he cheated.

We then broke the news to him that the CDC did not exist. We were going to send him on a mission to find a non-existent house party on a local council estate but thought better of it as we didn't want to jeopardise his personal safety.

This is what happened:

Me: “Do you believe in fairies?”

Him: “No”

Me: “Do you believe in ghosts?”

Him: “No”

Me: “Do you believe in the Loch Ness monster?”

Him: “No”

Me: “Then why did you believe in the CDC?”

He then burst into tears and ran off to the teachers

They were shocked and could hardly believe what had happened

One of them suggested that he should get a certificate for his efforts, but I was adamant that he’d cheated

We went before the Head Teacher but didn’t actually receive any punishment whatsoever for what we had done. Not a single minute's detention.

I later had to go to a meeting where all our mothers (mine, Gerald’s, and the friend’s) were present and it turned out that Gerald cried himself to sleep when he went to bed on the day we told him the CDC wasn’t real. Which was something I could relate to as in the past I too had cried myself to sleep because of awful things people had done to me.

But the thing was, at this meeting I took all the blame, not the friend who wasn’t even there, he was away on a school trip. But his mother told him to stay away from me. Which he didn’t.

This was in 1998 and I was at that school until 1999. After all this happened the atmosphere there was awful and unpleasant. We had to share classes with Gerald and it just felt horrible. I was glad to leave that school.

At that time I disliked him intensely, but looking back he was a lovely, kind, soft person. He was totally benign. A lovely, lovely person. And I feel very bad about what we did to him.

I’ve found him on Facebook and have considered contacting him and apologising for being such a ****. But having seen his profile, he is a more successful human being than I am so he’s probably had the last laugh.:

I wish him well and am pleased for him.

So, that’s the story.

Question: What sins would you say I committed against him?

What you did was very evil, but you are still a good enough person that your conscience is bothering you.

In Judaism, we have the following law: Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling-block before the blind, but thou shalt fear thy God: I am the LORD. Leviticus 19:14

In this passage, blind refers to anyone who cannot see the stumbling block; deaf refers to anyone who cannot hear the curse. It is a law against making a fool out of an innocent person.

I'd be interested to hear what Rabbi O has to say.

I suggest you do the following to repent (IOW the Jewish way):
1. Definitely get in touch with the guy. We must always whenever possible make amends to the person we have wronged before we approach God. This isn't necessarily for their benefit (he may or may not care anymore) -- its for yours. Its called being responsible for our actions.
2. Then confess to God, and return to his ways. IOW don't do it again.

It sounds like you have started on #2, but need to do #1.

Again, I'm very relieved your conscience is bothering you. That says good things about you.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

It sounds like you wanted a laugh. That's not really a bad intention; there's nothing wrong with a little laughter in our lives. If that was all that was going on, I'd say you didn't do anything wrong.

Are you serious? I don't think this answer would be acceptable even to Gnostics. Why? Because another human being was hurt without cause.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

I don't see it as sin. You were young then, you realized the errors of that fiasco, and you certainly don't seem the type to do such a thing again. It's called being human. We all make mistakes. It's only wrong when we dont learn better and repeat the same actions.

Harming innocent people is definitely a sin. This was not an innocent joke -- it was bullying. Bullying can cause lasting negative effects. We don't really know how this affected the guy.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

Then don't. Talk to God about it. He's always there. There's no need to involve anyone else at all.


And no, don't contact this guy. Why would he want someone in his past who hurt him, dredged up out of his past because of *their* need to feel better about what they did? That's not his responsibility, to have to address an old hurt because you now feel guilty. Your bad feelings are not his problem. If you truly feel bad about it, then leave him alone and don't make him relive it. It will do nothing for him.

I was bullied in junior high. When I was an adult, one of the girls came by my home and apologized to me. It meant a lot to me.

 

[Eddi]

1. Definitely get in touch with the guy. We must always whenever possible make amends to the person we have wronged before we approach God.

I've decided against that - as someone else has said, it's been 22 years so he probably neither wants nor needs me to get in touch with him and apologise

Also, he has had a more successful life than I have, so I imagine he's had the last (and loudest) laugh and I imagine he's leading a happy life too

I've been bullied too, and I wouldn't want one of the people who bullied me reaching out to me in such a way. I frankly don't care anymore. Would I accept such an apology? Yes. But it would mean very little to me. Now, if they'd have apologised soon after what they did that would have been a different thing, but it's been decades...

So I'm going to treat this guy in the was I'd like to be treated were I in his position - by being left alone. I think that is the right thing to do.